Diary from Heaven

Down and Out

Upon reaching Gurgaon in the evening, Arun and Sriram called the Induction Trainer for leave either due to illness or urgent work while others got off directly at the office. So, practically, Arun and Sriram had skipped office on the day they were supposed to go live. They were warned the next day when they reported for duty.

The project went live, and everyone settled in their respective seats. While Arun, Shalu and Sriram were all assigned the same project, Nitin and Shraddha were assigned to different projects.

Since Arun took an off on Monday, he was taken off the special project and assigned a different project along with Shalu and Sriram.

Shalu lived in a flat in Sector 15 along with her friend. Arun, Sriram, Prashant and Nitin would often gather at her place after office.

The story of Shalu and Prashant lasted for a very short time. While Prashant was in no mood for a serious relationship, Shalu, on the other hand, was looking for a serious relationship. They both decided to call it off after a short while.

Nitin was also sad because Shraddha too decided to quit the job as her marriage was close by. He was trying hard to cope with the heartbreak. He had lost interest in the work.

With Shraddha gone, none of them enjoyed working here so would often take breaks together to catch up. Meanwhile, Prashant had stopped coming to Shalu’s place, and she would often cry talking about him. She was also hounded by abusive texts from her ex-boyfriend in Pune. She would drink incessantly and would cry afterwards about how much she liked Prashant. Arun and Sriram would try to comfort her. She also stopped coming to the office, and after a while, she quit the job. Arun kept going to her place because the drinks were keeping him away from drugs.

Then disaster struck that would leave a lasting impression on his life.

Amid drinks and cigarettes, Shalu confessed to being attracted to Arun. She mistook Arun’s caring attitude and fell for him.

At first, Arun was taken aback and almost froze. He discussed this with Sriram who suggested that he should not take this seriously because she’s just broken up with Prashant and might be on a rebound.

“She is going through financial trouble because she has no job so she might just be looking for support,” said Sriram.

“Money? Come on, man, she knows that I have none,” said Arun sarcastically rejecting Sriram’s statement.

At some level, he wanted to believe Sriram’s statement that Shalu was looking for someone for financial support. He also kept reminding himself about the promise to not fall for anyone else. Though his mind stated otherwise, he was blinded by the loneliness. He went ahead with what his mind was saying, but his heart kept pushing.

“How would Harveen feel looking down from heaven?” he mumbled sitting in front of the computer in his house. “How would she feel when she comes to know that I am attracted to someone else?” he said. He thought about what he just said. “You are talking to yourself like an i***t,” he mumbled.

He tried hard to avoid talking to Shalu about this, but something kept pulling him towards her. Every time he was with her, his mind was at peace, and the words from Harveen’s letter didn’t echo his mind. He kept thinking as to why this was happening? Though he had burnt the letter that day, he could not forget the words; and staying around Shalu made it easier for him.

He was confused as hell, so he wanted to talk to someone and discuss. He called Dr Sood for his advice. He met Dr Sood at a coffee shop on Golf Course Road.

“Hello, Arun,” said Dr Sood coughing.

“You are getting old, Doctor. Can I get you some water?” said Arun as they shook hands.

“No, I am fine; thank you! Sit, please,” said Dr Sood clearing his throat.

“So, do you like her?” he asked even before Arun could say anything.

“How do you know that this is about a girl?” asked a surprised Arun because he hadn’t shared anything with Dr Sood yet.

“You said on the phone that you are confused about something and you wanted to discuss it urgently with me…” replied Dr Sood. “In your age, love is the biggest confusion,” he continued laughing.

“Don’t answer that, I can see it on your face,” said Dr Sood.

“So what’s the problem?” he said.

“It’s just that I loved Harveen so much, is this even ethical? Can I fall in love again with someone else?” asked Arun.

“She’s dead, that’s it, that’s the reality, and you have to accept that,” he replied.

“Whether you fall in love again or not, none of it would matter to her. She’s now in a place which is beyond our realm, and besides, I am sure she would also want you to move on,” replied Dr Sood.

Arun looked at Dr Sood smiling because deep down this is exactly what he wanted to hear.

“Thank you!” he said.

Arun went to Shalu’s place after office to talk to her but found out that she had been asked to vacate the flat. Some of the neighbours complained regarding the disturbance due to frequent gatherings at her place. He felt terrible about the eviction and decided to support her. He, sort of, felt guilty, and the feeling of guilt made him weak, and he gave in to what his heart desired, peace and intimacy.

Shalu temporarily moved to a friend’s place in Sushant Lok Phase-2. The same day she moved to her friend’s place, Arun told her everything about his past. She also shared everything about her life in Pune and then in Gwalior. They both connected quite well, and Arun felt the same emotions he had felt when he was with Harveen. The sadness in their lives connected them.

On the way back to his home, he realised that even though he was alone, he could not hear the words from Harveen’s letter in his mind anymore. Something good was happening because of his closeness to Shalu. He didn’t feel like this for Romila or anyone else, so he thought that this could be a sign.

The next day he took her out for a night drive through the roads of new Gurgaon. He left the office early to pick her. They dropped Shalu’s roommate to her office in Udyog Vihar and then headed back to Sushant Lok 2.

He wanted to talk to her about what she had said earlier, about being attracted to him, but he was scared. While driving through the deserted roads of new Gurgaon, he kept talking rubbish.

“Shall I keep the windows open?” he asked.

“It’s all right; I don’t mind a little chill,” she replied as Arun avoided looking at her.

“So how’s Prashant doing?” he asked and looked outside in disgust.

“Is that all you can think of right now?” he muttered and looked back towards he; she was still looking at him.

“I have no idea, and I don’t care, and you should also not care; let’s talk about us,” she replied and then there was this awkward silence for a few minutes as she kept looking at him.

“Talk, damn it, talk, Arun,” he said to himself without being audible.

“I want to kiss you right now,” he mumbled and again looked sideways making a face.

“Firstly, you say something stupid, and to top it up, you say that you want to kiss her. How stupid are you?” Arun thought in frustration.

“Why are you mumbling? You know you can share anything with me, and yes, you can do what you just asked for,” she said as they kept looking at each other as they forgot that the car was still moving.

Their eye contact broke only when they heard someone scream, “ARE YOU BLIND OR WHAT?” and Arun scrambled to control the car.

During the eye contact, the car almost crossed over to the other side of the road.

Arun stopped the car, and they both laughed out loud.

He drove towards Sector-29. This place was a hub for car romance then. The area was devoid of any civilisation those days. He parked the car at a decent spot and kept the engine running for heating as he could see her shiver. The windshield and windows of the vehicle were covered with frost.

She moved her seat back and rested the backrest further back and got herself into lying position. Arun adjusted his seat, and got in the same position, right next to her.

It was so intense that for a moment, Arun started sweating.

“Why are you so nervous? You have done this many times earlier,” he thought and leaned towards Shalu who had her eyes closed.

He gently kissed her and got his arms around her. She kept her eyes shut and kept moving forward towards Arun.

“This is the sign,” he thought and backed off for a second and looked at her.

She opened her eyes and looked back and opened her lips a bit. Arun opened his lips and moved in again as their tongues touched each other, both felt current running through their veins as their tongues touched and caressed.

They kept at it for a few seconds as what seemed like a knock on the glass broke their bond. Arun looked towards his side as it seemed as if someone was standing outside. He quickly scrambled to adjust his seat, started the car and reversed without even seeing if someone was standing at the back or not.

He drove out to the main road as a Police car came aside his vehicle. The driver signalled him to stop the car. Arun stopped the car on the road-side opposite Gold Soak Mall.

He was nervous as he got out of the car.

“You know we could have shot you; why were you running?” asked the constable as he signalled for Arun to come towards their car.

“What were you doing at such a secluded place?” asked the Inspector from inside the Police car.

“Nothing, sir...” said Arun as the constable walked towards the car and Arun followed him nervously.

He looked inside the car, and Shalu was sitting unperturbed.

She looked at him and said: “what do you want?”

“I want to call your parents and tell them where and how we found you guys,” he replied.

“Go ahead,” said Shalu passing her Nokia 3310 phone to the constable.

“Do you think we are kids?” she asked with an attitude.

“Don’t mind her, sir,” said Arun snatching the phone from her hand and took the constable to the side.

“How much do you have?” asked the Constable as Arun took out his wallet. The constable’s face lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw the money in his wallet. Arun took out nine hundred rupees and passed it to him.

“This won’t do; let’s go to the ATM. It’s going to cost you five thousand rupees,” said the constable.

Visuals of the Ronnie incident flashed in front of his eyes, and he smiled. “I paid a thousand bucks for someone else’s s**t, and when I am in soup myself, I have to pay five thousand bucks? No way,” he mumbled.

Seeing him talking to himself, the constable tapped his shoulder and brought his nose closer to check if Arun was drunk. Arun snapped back and was taken aback as he noticed the constable sniffing him.

“Why don’t you kill me right here, right now, this is all I have; look at the date, sir. I am a private sector employee, and this is the last week of the month. My account is empty,” pleaded Arun as the constable walked back towards the police car and left.

Arun took a sigh of relief as he got back in the car. Shalu kissed him, and they drove back towards Sushant Lok Phase 2.

She laughed when Arun narrated the Ronnie incident. He had conveniently asked the constable to take Ronnie and his girl to the police station because he didn’t have any money then. Now, he got so nervous when the same thing happened to him.

As they reached the flat, Arun wanted to leave, but Shalu insisted that he spend the night with her.

She narrated the incident to her friend, who laughed and congratulated her when she told her that they are dating now.

As Shalu’s friend slept in the bedroom, Shalu and Arun got comfortable on a mattress in the living room. For the first time, they were alone and were not afraid that someone might catch them. They kissed all night.

“The feeling is back,” thought Arun as every cell in his body was smiling it seems.

He loved this more so because amidst him helping her to find a new place and all, he hadn’t snorted or smoked weed even once for the past week. Though he was scared as he also felt joy, he felt as if he was living again. He was afraid of the commitment but went along with the flow.

Over time, he got quite close to Shalu. She moved to an independent house in Sushant Lok 1, where she had two rooms. This house was much closer to their new office, Michael International Services (MIS), the place where the rest of the drama would ultimately unfold.

Nitin, Sriram and Arun left the Market Research Company and joined Michael International Services (MIS) on MG Road Gurgaon along with Shalu. This office was right next to Sahara Mall, which had a night club and a movie theatre.

MIS paid better than any of the previous companies.

Here they met Joseph. Joseph had a flat in Sushant Lok 2, and his place became the next party central as most of the time they would gather at his place for drinks after office. Joseph’s girlfriend Ankita was quite pleasant, and she jelled well with everyone.

Arun and Shalu would often make out as they had no one to bother them now. They loved each other’s company. Arun was happy that he was completely off drugs.

Meanwhile, Nitin was going through a bad phase as Shraddha got married. Arun and Shalu helped him get through the stage. Both Nitin and Sriram would often come to her house, after office, for drinks.

They were addicted to the nightlife, though he was not playing himself anymore. The growing nightlife in Delhi NCR kept them out almost every night. Grooving, dancing, were not one of his strengths, but he made it a point to be on the floor and give Shalu company. Being on the floor took some getting used to for Arun because he was always behind the console earlier.

Everyone in the office knew whom to contact for a night out.

Shalu and Arun would even organise vehicles; and arrange for everyone to travel together to night clubs, as far as, Noida.

Arun was having the time of his life because, on the one hand, he had a steady relationship with Shalu, on the other side, he was also receiving much admiration from girls in the office. In fact, a girl named Aaruti confessed to, none other than, Shalu about being madly in love with Arun. Shalu shared this with Arun. Though Arun never took these things seriously, he did love the attention he was getting, Shalu, on the other hand, was quite jealous because of this.

“How dare she?” said Shalu fuming. “She has the guts to call and tell me that she is in love with you,” she said, making a strange face.

Arun smirked thinking about it, which made Shalu angrier.

“Why are you smiling?” she screamed, getting off the bed. “Go, be with her, you don’t need me,” she said, walking away.

Arun held her hand and pulled her back on to the bed; she fell into his arms. He kissed her on the lips. The kiss worked like magic, and Shalu immediately relaxed her body, sinking into his arms.

“None of this matters to me. Only you matter to me. That’s it,” Arun said, looking at Shalu while caressing her hair.

Shalu hugged him tightly. “I love you!” she said, passionately kissing him. Arun could not even reply as she kept kissing him.

Arun woke up after 2 hours. “Damn, babe, that was good,” he said lazing in the bed as Shalu was getting dressed for the office. Shalu looked at him, smiling and then got busy with the makeup.

“Get ready, quickly,” she said.

“Let’s take an off today. We’ll go to Staying Alive,” replied Arun stretching in the bed.

“Off? We have already taken three offs this month,” she said.

Arun insisted, and he called Nitin and Joseph as well.

There was hardly any night clubs left in Delhi NCR where they hadn’t been for partying; this was an expensive lifestyle. Pretty soon, their salary started drying up as fast as it got credited in their account. To keep up with this lifestyle, both Arun and Shalu had to get multiple credit cards.

Soon the credit card bills also started piling up, and he also missed the car instalment for a couple of months. Arun didn’t care about the expense; he was enjoying her company. He thought that Shalu’s company also helped him get over all the guilt he felt because of Harveen’s letter. He started staying at her place for days. His family was worried about him, but blinded by the comfort Shalu gave him, he just ignored his family. He had already started planning his life with Shalu.

Arun assured his Mother that he was doing fine, and she didn’t have to worry about him. Zulu, his dog, was getting old and would often keep unwell. Arun would occasionally visit home to sit with him. Arun was quite close to Zulu. Zulu was a mixed breed German shepherd and had been with Arun’s family for a long time. Arun was devastated as Zulu passed away in July 2005 after a prolonged illness.

His mother got diagnosed with an illness and doctors had suggested surgery, so Arun decided to spend more time with his family.

Shalu started feeling depressed in his absence. Nitin suggested that they should get married. “This way you can devote an equal amount of time to your family and Shalu,” said Nitin.

Though he wanted to spend his life with Shalu, Arun wanted some time to think because this was a big decision. He loved Shalu, but he wanted to settle down before getting married to give her a good life. He wanted to work at MIS for two more years and save some money before getting married.

A lot was going through Arun’s mind as he continuously missed the car instalments for six months and started getting recovery letter’s from the Bank. It was getting difficult for him to manage car instalments and their expensive lifestyle.

Pretty soon, he decided that it’s better to give up the car, this way he could also save some money. He didn’t discuss this with Shalu and thought she would understand this. 

Things didn’t go as planned because Shalu started feeling that Arun was not serious about their life and that giving up the car was a bad idea.

Also, Shalu felt that he was spending more time with his family than with her.

To make things worse, a guy named Aniruddh had proposed her in the office, and Arun felt hurt when he came to know about this through someone else in the office and not from Shalu. Arun confronted Shalu, who merely called it insignificant and assured him that there was nothing between them.

“Why didn’t you share about Aniruddh with me?” Arun demanded an explanation as Shalu got ready for office.

“It’s nothing; don’t worry about it. Aniruddh said what he felt, but I made it clear that I am already committed,” she replied calmly.

Arun felt a sense of indifference in her voice but reluctantly closed the discussion. He walked to the other room as Shalu turned around and stopped him.

“You know, I never protested when Aaruti proposed you. I took it with a pinch of salt because I knew that many girls in the office admired you, and a few are even attracted to you. This has never bothered me,” said Shalu kissing Arun.

“Relax, I know you are under much stress because of Zulu and all but trust me there’s nothing between Aniruddh and me,” she said reassuring Arun.

“I need you right now,” said Arun hugging her tightly.

They both left for office and to a night club afterwards.

Arun kept away from the dance floor as Shalu and Aniruddh were enjoying the music. He sat with Nitin and Joseph enjoying drinks.

“Something wrong between you guys? You seem awkward,” asked Joseph. Nitin and Joseph were aware of Anuriddh’s intentions.

“No, everything’s fine; she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He wanted to dance, so she obliged,” replied Arun looking towards Shalu on the dance floor and acted cool.

However, things were indeed getting awkward between them as Shalu didn’t want to get physical with him anymore because she was scared that she might get pregnant. Also, Shalu was not fond of travelling on his scooter. Things had indeed changed a lot, and she started ignoring him, which pushed him to binge drinking at Josephs place.

He started avoiding after office gatherings too.