Lurking on the Tightrope

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Pari awakes with a jounce, facing a large portrait of a majestic, white and cream barn owl. She is captivated by its ghost-like, enchanting appearance. Halo is pressed up against her, still asleep, but he wakes too when Pari giggles as she imagines how she slept at all, tangled up with a dog who weighs nearly as much as she does.

Abby has prepared hot tea and a large bowl of lychee, mango, and papayas, which they enjoy on an antique table in her backyard garden. “Abby, this is so lovely and lush. Back in Maryland you had the prettiest plants and courtyards, but this —,” Pari sweeps her arm toward the sides of the garden, “— takes my breath away with all of the color, and variety of leaves and flowers. The tranquility...", she trails off noticing that she is smelling tropical flowers for the first time, unable to describe them, and appreciating the lyrical rhythms of several small wind chimes.

Abby is beaming, and lightly touches Pari’s arm to emphasize she accepts her compliment. "Thank you. My dream was to make a place, even though tiny and humble, where I felt at peace and ease. Where I would not feel tormented.”

"You achieved it."

"I think I did too.” Abby grins even bigger, and pats a smiling Halo on the side of his neck. "I feel so good here." If one could envisage Abby’s aura, it would be a rosy glow. Her casually curly, shoulder-length hair is a shade between strawberry-blonde and ginger. Abby’s daily scent is the faintest application of Red Door perfume’s red rose, honey, and berry harmony applied to damp skin. She has an easy, ready smile and red cheeks under blue eyes. On this particular morning she wears a light pink cotton blouse, instead of her usual robin egg blues, or greens, aquas, cyans, azures, cobalts, turquoises, and teals.

"I still worry I displaced you from your bedroom,” Pari says. “Is it really true that you always sleep on your back porch?"

“Yes. Sometimes I can hear the ocean, but usually not, and that's not it anyway. The breezes are so soothing and they seem to give me good dreams."

"Your bedroom though is serene and has refreshing breezes too. Air flows from two walls of the room.”

"Yes, but my back porch is like sleeping outside,” Abby says. “Trust me. I sleep there every single night. The island temperatures are never too cold, regardless of the time of year. So I insist you enjoy the bedroom during your visit."

"Your owl painting is hypnotizing!”

"It has particular importance to me," says Abby. "The cottage is so petite and I wanted to make it mine, and cozy, and especially meaningful, like this garden. I arrived, as you know, with distress and many troubles. I decided my new home needed to be my sanctuary and I chose the themes I needed in my life: peace, strength, and wisdom."

"Peace, strength, wisdom," Pari repeats.

"My garden and The Ring are my peace. The living room emanates reds and browns, and the painting of Diamond Head crater mountain— which you will soon visit—symbolizes, to me, strength. I wanted and needed to be stronger. Much stronger. And then the owl figurines and paintings in the bedroom are about striving for wisdom and clarity. It sounds silly saying all of this, but in my mind it just makes absolutely perfect sense," Abby chuckles.

"I am proud of you, Abby. The personal touches and symbols are wonderful. I admire that you have made your choices for you, not to impress others."

"Proud? No, I am the one who is proud of you,” Abby replies. “There was almost no hope for Raphael yesterday afternoon. What was he doing out there? Vehicles were whizzing by in both directions and a violent tragedy was all but certain. But you did not hesitate and you... Where did your calm confidence come from?"

Pari’s face falls into her hands. “Maybe it’s easy to be fearless when you suspect you are worthless,” she mutters.

"Ohh,” Abby says as she hugs and consoles her. "You have had a very hard year. You can cry. Don’t hold back.”

Pari’s throat is clenched and she holds her breath, without tears. "I am so lost. I messed up college and all of my plans.” She regains her composure and adds, “Feeling cast adrift, utterly without ground to stand on, is as devastating as the depression. I have tried so hard, but I cannot fix it, myself. I cannot fix myself." Pari drops her face into her palms again.

Abby gives her time to collect herself and then gently takes Pari’s hands and looks closely in her eyes. "You know this is why I am so glad you are here. Of course I want to see you. But I hoped you would let me try to give you a new perspective or learn from my mistakes."

"I know. I do not want to feel pathetic and despicable anymore. I am trying to be open to being helped."

"There were many days back in Maryland when I wondered whether I was actually going to survive my separation and divorce. I know that the trauma of betrayal and a failed marriage is not the same thing as depression. I know that. But I believe that the feelings of total devastation may be similar.”

Pari nods. "Falling off the tightrope."

Abby takes a moment to think about Pari’s metaphor. "Yes, how does one land?" Then Abby continues, "I had never even been to Hawaii. But thousands of miles—I wanted to scurry as far away as I could, and this is as far as I dared—meant a fresh start to me. Of course, it seems so obvious in hindsight, all of my heartbreak and shame and troubles came right out here with me!"

"Of course," Pari laughs, affably.

"But I dug deep and decided to build a life for myself that was based on all of my own choices, not compromising with a husband. Through my home, my soul-mate Halo, my leadership volunteer position at the Moe’uhane historical park valley, my hobbies and garden, and — there is probably more — I finally found solace."

“Abby, you are an inspiration. For me though, I worry that life choices will not —,” Pari begins to say when Abby interrupts her.

"I know. That is not my point. Conquering depression will take more from you than just changes to your life, most likely. And I want you to get the help you need, whether it is medicine or counseling, or both, or some other solution entirely."

Abby squeezes Pari’s hands slightly and adds, "My point is this. Whatever it takes, your path will be smoother if you are not at war with yourself. I so hope you can realize you are on a different journey now. It is not what you planned but it can take you to astonishing places, so to speak, if you are not resisting or burdening yourself with anger that your original plans did not work as expected.”