Romancing the Afterlife

Just Acquaintances

He retold this embarrassing story during lunch to his best friend Jonas in the library. Jonas laughed hysterically, causing several people to look over at them, and Cain to be a bit embarrassed again. He tried to settle his friend who was about to fall onto the floor. “I just can’t believe this kind of stuff happens to you so often.” He said through labored breaths.

“It doesn't! Sometimes I just get put in stupid scenarios, and ….it isn’t that funny!” Someone in the library shushed him.

Jonas always found his lame endeavors to be quite funny. Cain was his personal muse of entertainment, like an ongoing sitcom. Maybe it helped separate him from the rest of his boring life. His mother and father both had boring office jobs that they didn’t talk about much. They never fought, nor were they overly affectionate. Neither of them drank too much or was eccentric. They treated him fairly and were always reasonable, and solved any problem he had with morale lessons that almost seemed like they were stolen from 1950’s television shows. He had one sister who was away at University studying science of some sort. Their house looked like every other house on the block. Jonas’dog was an older terrier breed that slept a lot and hardly ever barked or played anymore.

The biggest problem in Jonas’life was being noticed by people at all. He was not popular or unpopular, people knew his name but no one was excited to see him. He was the same height as Cain. Sometimes they argued about whether there was an inch in Jonas’ favour, but he always tried to include his short light brown hair that he spiked up, so it didn’t count. He had hazel eyes that most people would just say were brown. He was skinnier than Cain, but not more muscular. He believed he was more attractive than Cain, but that was because he boosted himself on hollow confidence. Cain was his only real friend and he was literally Cain’s only friend.

They spent the second half of their lunches in the library playing chess and talking about random things, as they had done most of the past four years at the school. Rarely did anyone bother them, or try to join them. They always sat at the same table behind the stairs to the upper level, and there was never a problem. It was as if they had their own social bubble to be geeks in, even though there were approximately forty-six other students in Spoons that were considered geeks and chose not to hang out with them. It didn’t feel like alienation, instead it was their peace and comfort, most of the time.

Jonas composed himself and looked back at the board, deciding to move his bishop halfway across the board to take out Cain’s bishop that he had just made vulnerable with his last move. “To be honest, you should say something to her. It’s getting a bit tired”

“What do you mean?” Cain said slightly taken aback.

“I mean, stop being such a coward and confront her. Tell her something. Tell her anything. Just don’t be rude or weird her out, or talk about stupid shit.”

“Like we do.”

“Exactly! She is a girl. She doesn’t care about the fourth Robin being Batman’s biological son, or that all religion spawned from the Egyptians worshipping the sun or whatever.”

“You make it sound so easy. Where’s your true love?” Jonas took Cain’s remark a little to heart, and he could tell. He felt a little bad for wounding his friend. Jonas wanted a girlfriend just as much as Cain. He also didn’t limit his options to one girl, but despite his false confidence was never very successful. He hadn’t had a girlfriend since the 8th grade. They were together for five glorious months of stuffing it in Cain’s face, and then she moved away and they lost contact. He blamed her for not staying in touch. It’s not like it was hard these days, so perhaps she didn’t want to talk to him anymore. One girlfriend was still one more than Cain.

“Dude, there is two more days left of school, and unless anyone has an exam no one is going to be around Friday. Actually I heard Jacks McRoyce is throwing a crazy end of year party that night, wouldn’t that be cool?” He paused to actually think about how cool it would be, “Anyway it is unlikely you will ever get a chance to ask her out or tell her how you feel again. I mean frankly even if it worked out, it probably wouldn’t go anywhere. It’s not like she’s going to commit to you over the summer and then live in this crap town, and not go to awesome places and do awesome things, and I don’t know, she’s got better things than you or me going on.”

“So there’s no point then.”

“What?! No! That is the point. You have nothing to lose. Go take your swing. Swing for the fences, who cares? It’s the last game. The effort to run a base at all is worth the memory, even if you strike out. No one will remember your rejection. Go get your closure.” Another shush sounded from somewhere in the library, they didn’t acknowledge it.

Cain was left thinking about Jonas’advice for the next two periods. He had made some sense in his encouragement. He would never know the truth if he didn’t do something to find out, even if it was harsh and rough and painful and people laughed at him and felt like vomiting from embarrassment. He wanted to do something about it, he just wasn’t sure he had it in him. He continually asked himself if he could handle possibly never seeing her again and having not tried for that one chance. His answer to the question was consistently stubborn in ambiguity. Lucy was in his last class of the day, which was an exam. Though he had studied hard for this, he found himself distracted several times. He would scramble through some questions, but then glance over at Lucy who seemed to be having some troubles, wondering what she was thinking or what question she was on. Several minutes at a time would be lost this way. He wished he could help her, but clearly it wasn’t allowed even if he thought he had the answers. He reached into his pocket where he had scrunched up a note for her last period. It was pretty standard crush feeler material. “I really like you. Do you like me at all? Yes_ No_ We should talk_” He stared at it and sighed, he couldn't give her this note. It was ridiculous. He had to do it in person if at all. He looked around and noticed that other students were starting to hand in their exams. It was ten passed two. He only had twenty minutes to finish his exam. He looked over again at Lucy who was still struggling with her answers. He still had time to try and make his move.

The note wasn’t the way though. He scrunched up the note he had written for Lucy, and tossed it at the garbage. It arched through the air, landing square on Janice Gawlhaerich's head, where it nested in her messy hair. He put his head down and tried to pretend he was hard at work, as she reached up into her dark brown frizzy hair and pulled out the ball of paper that he’d thrown, looking a little insulted. She looked around and Cain tried to hide behind his own hand from her gaze, but when he glanced over his hand she was staring at him annoyed. She flattened out the note and her expression lightened. Instead of insulted she now looked somewhat flattered. She gave him a confused smile, before picking up her pencil and quickly scribbling on it, then scrunching it back up she threw it back at him. It landed at his feet. Mr. Lakin coughed and Cain sat at attention, attempting to look busy at his test. Mr. Lakin seemed occupied with his tablet, and likely hadn’t noticed anything. Waiting a few seconds to insure it was safe to do so, he bent down and grabbed the note. He opened it to read her answer: “ No. You had your chance, and you missed it!”

Flabbergasted he tried to remember a single moment that she could be referring to, but couldn't think of a single moment. He barely knew her, they had never been friends. She was his lab partner once in science class a few years ago, but it was all basic procedure. Now that he thought about it, she often made snide remarks to him in passing. He had wondered more than once what her problem was. Had he accidentally snubbed her at some point when she liked him, and if so when was that? She had gone back to her exam, offering no explanation. Confused, frustrated and a little relived, he went back to his exam trying not to be disappointed about a missed opportunity he had never wanted

He only successfully got through three more answers, before time was called and he had to hand his exam in. Luckily Lucy also was handing in her paper. He followed a few seconds behind her out into the hall where she met up with her friend Jane. Cain conceded to himself that this was not the time to approach her, even though Jane was not known as a mean girl. He went to his locker and got his stuff together, and headed on his way home. Weirdly Lucy and Jane turned out to only be half a block ahead of him. It was fortunate timing. Raccoon Hill was a small town, where half the school rode the bus in from the surrounding areas. Lucy and Jane lived in town and walked the same route as Cain about half the way to his house, just usually not at the same time. He quickened his pace so as to close the distance without actually catching up to them. He followed behind them, giving them enough space to have their conversation in private, even though he was a little curious to what they might be talking about. He wasn't a creepy stalker, he was opportunist on his way home he reminded himself every ten steps or so. He spent his minutes behind them visualizing his approach when she was alone, his polite and non-threatening demeanor and hyping up his confidence to say hello. They neared halfway to Cain's house, and felt the dread of missing the opportunity to say anything. If he followed her passed the point where they normally went different directions that would be crossing the line. They were almost at the point of separation when he saw Jane turn away to enter a crescent. The two girls waved goodbye to each other, and suddenly she was alone, only a few seconds ahead of him.

There was about one block left before she turned and he kept walking. His confidence began to wane as he became suddenly very aware of how awkward this was likely going to be. He had put too much focus on finding the window to tell her of his deep seeded feelings for her in a casual manner, that he hadn't actually constructed the words in his head. He suddenly became very aware that it was a hot June afternoon, and that was why he was sweating so much. Plus his bag weighed him down, how had he not noticed how damn heavy it was until now he wondered. His legs were sweaty concrete as he continued lifting them to move forward one at a time only keeping the same pace, and not catching up to the amazing Lucy Little. This would be so much easier if he had worn shorts and not pants he thought to himself. He was almost wheezing as Lucy reached the corner and stopped to cross the street. This was it, he had failed. It was over. He gave up.

“Hey” his voice shouted in a desperate gasp. Her attention was gained as she turned to look at him slowly walking toward her. Both of them were feeling a certain amount of surprise of their own. “I ….sorry, I just thought I should say hi.”

She gave him a strange look that seemed to ask 'what are you talking about weirdo?', instead she said “Hi Cain. How are you doing? Are you okay?”

“Uh, yeah ...yeah, it's just hot. I don't know why I chose to take so much home today.” He tried to stand more upright and not be so hunched over. “So that exam was hard, huh?”

“No s**t. I'll be happy if I get even a 70%”

“Well that's more than passable.”

She gave a scoffed laugh, to suggest that passable and acceptable were not the same thing. “Anyway, I'm going this way.” She pointed across the street, putting an end to their short conversation. She watched for her opportunity to cross as a few cars passed. She was just about to step off the curb, when he blurted out the simple truth.

“I like you.”

She barely paused at his confession, turning back at him with a smile. “I know.”

Only seconds passed, but to Cain it seemed like more than a minute that he scrambled for something else to say as a follow up. “Well is there like any chance-”

“Not really,” she cut him off with her answer, “I'm sorry buddy, you're sweet, but I'm not looking for anything. Especially anything new”

“Except Bruce.” He shot at her, instantly feeling regret for his bitterness.

She nodded, not getting aggravated but acknowledging the truth in his remark. “Yeah, well that kind of makes you brave doesn't it?” She waited a minute for the concept of Bruce's ego to sink in. He could easily beat Cain to death without needing much reason at all, and Cain did know it. She continued,”We're not really a thing though, we just hang a lot. He graduated the year before last; he just likes to be at the school because he likes me a lot.”'And to show off and intimidate younger guys to feel cool.' Cain added in his head. “I guess you have that in common,” she followed up. She found her moment and jogged across the street, not looking back. He started walking again himself heading home to be alone when she called out to him, “Are you going to Jacks' party Friday? It's kind of a big deal.”

“Yeah, of course I am,” he said called back to her a little too excitedly. She nodded, and went on her way. He felt such relief and euphoria. Being sort of rejected had gone a lot better than he had thought it would. He had more or less been invited to at least talk to her again. His strength was back and he headed home with a bit of a spring in his step. Some progress was better than none. He dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone to start texting Jonas. He kept walking while he text 'Where the hell is Jacks' party?!?!” and then a mix of happy and frustrated type emojiis.