Chapter 9: DiscoveryIT CHANGES EVERYTHING, knowing Refuge has been lying to us. Obedience to regulation doesn’t keep the Mara away. Surrendering my dreams and desires to them never saved me. But it’s crippling to even think about what’s left. There’s just no point. Noosh—pointless. Work—pointless. Passing probation . . . Staying away from corpses—pointless.
I lurch up the stairs, pulse pounding in my throat. I’m overreacting. It’s too simplistic to dismiss everything. After all, how will I live without Refuge? There is nothing else. Nowhere else. I don’t have any dreams left to help me find a way forward.
The image of Ravel, confident, mesmerizing, floats up from the roiling chaos of my thoughts. Ravel and his impossible offer. What did he call that place? Freedom? But even if I were wil
