MY BABY BLUE.

SPARKS BY BLUE

I had a baby! I couldn’t believe it. I Cooney May! Whenever I saw the little beings in the arms of a woman or even a man, I’d yelp at their giggles and unpredictable limbs. I never loved the idea of kids and sometimes I hated the fact that I was one. That’s how much the word ‘baby’ scared me. Still, I carried one into my cabin on a cold winter morning.

The first day with Blue was quite a trail. The minute I turned my back against the woods with the child in my arms, countless thoughts zapped through my mind. I considered myself the chosen protector for the little being. I was ready.

“Keep her warm, keep her safe, and keep her close…This isn’t hard at all. I can be a parent. Huh! I guess it is true what they say; ‘the minute you’re in it, you’ll know exactly what to do, because nature’s placed them in you from the start.” I told the baby in my arms. She just glanced at me with those piercing blue eyes and cooed. With confidence on my shoulders and zest in my limbs I walked to the cabin ready to be a parent.

The moment I stepped into the cabin, I ran into my room, gathered the pillows in my bed, and made a cosy domain on the large bed for the little one. In the most cautious way, I lay her down, head to feet and covered her up with my blanket. She stretched her little limbs and yawned. It was the cutest sight ever…well until five minutes later.

I just stared at Blue and she did the same. I was completely clueless. I had no idea what to do next. After a few more minutes, I puffed the pillows around Blue and tucked the blanket on her sides.

I sat by her and then stood up again, paced around the room and gazed at her. She smiled. Surely, she mocked me. That I could tell. Her eyes spoke the words so loudly; “What now?”

I bit my fingers but no thoughts came through. She was warm and that was it! I knew nothing else about caring for a child. I was so struck by Blue’s beauty I called her mine, in an ignorant illusion that all I had to do was protect her. I completely forgot about the basics.

Baby formula, the right temperature of water for the baby’s bathe, Baby clothes and beanies, Diapers, Diaper-bin, A little cot, Feeding bottles, Flasks, Chew toys, for her itching gum for when teething begun…There were so many things I had forgotten and like a flood they gushed into my brain. I had seen them at baby showers of some of my friends who had gotten married.

“Oh my God! What was I thinking! I’m not ready for this! I wanted to be a parent but totally forgot I have to be a mother! I’m not mother material! I’m not even wife-material! Heck! I don’t even like whatever material I am!” I said. Blue giggled.

“At least you think I’m funny so I’ll take that as a; yes, you like me. That’s good but not good enough! Oh my! I’ve got to make room for two in here! Twice the meals, twice the neatness…I’ve gotta baby proof this place…Great! Just great! First day with you and I’m losing it!” I was almost brought to tears. I really did live in a fake world without thought or skills of my own.

I knelt beside Blue. She placed her little palms on my cheeks. The warmth coursed through every neuron in my face. A smile broke through by my lips. She gave me hope, the little thing. Her eyes spoke again; ‘Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.’ I could tell.

I took her palms and kissed them.

“I can’t call my mother or anyone else and tell them about you. They’ll just talk me into dumping you in a foster home, which would hurt me and in less than a month the headline ‘ACTRESS, CONNEY MAY ABANDONS BABY!’ would be on papers all over New York. Those heartless reporters always have something to say. Oh well, we girls gotta do what we gotta right? So I’m gonna do something really stupid but since you’re not gonna tell anyone I’ll just get on with it. It’s the only reasonable thing to do right now.”

I got up, took my laptop from the nightstand and sat beside Blue.

I turned on the laptop, made sure the Wi-Fi light was on and with the keyboard at my disposal I laughed at myself.

“Here we go Blue.”

I opened the Google search engine and typed in the humble words ‘How to take care of a baby.’ Blue giggled. “Laugh all you want but I’m doing the best I can here.”

On another, my hasty fingers moved freely while I typed the words ‘Your Baby’s First Year for Dummies’. In the midst of searching, e-books and ‘How-to’ pages popped up.

I got a notepad and a pen. I never imagined myself with a stationary the moment my life was caught up behind the cameras. This was new. It was a fresh breath of air for me and I loved it.

After a few more minutes, Blue began to cry loudly and being a fast learner I knew what she wanted. “Hungry? Well saddle up lassie, we’re going shopping!”

I ignited the truck at the garage beside the cabin and took a right turn to a street not so far from the cabin.

The distance from the cabin to civilization wasn’t much. It was far less than a mile.

With a baby on my shoulders, supported by one hand and a purse which held, a list and credit cards in another hand, I stared at the shopping malls and stores around me, took in a deep breath and began my journey of carts and counters.

But at that moment, while Blue was tucked up in a stroller I had just gotten, I gazed at the shopping bags in my hands and laughed so loudly I totally forgot the existence of others around.

“There was a time when snacks, shoes, dressed and designer bags would fill these shopping bags but now it’s all baby stuff.”

I had to know Blue’s precise age if I wanted to feed her the right way, so I contacted my doctor in the little town of course.

Dr Kenny Blaze and I met for the first time, a few feet away from my cabin on one of his hiking trips. I had just moved into the cabin then. He was a really charming young man and sure he was all flirty and so was I. We could’ve really hit it off but I was done with men since Tom.

Dr Ken was excited when he saw Blue and he totally supported me. He also offered constant check-ups on Blue at the cabin, while his eyes were stuck on me. Men are just stupid!

Well, what mattered to me were the words “Blue’s around four months old, so she’ll need lots of attention but besides that she’s a really healthy, happy baby.”

I got back home and made food for another human for the first time. Yeah, yeah, sure it just baby formula so it doesn’t really count as food. I know that’s what you’re thinking but it goes way beyond that! The right amount of food and water at the right temperature that it’s not too hot or too cold? That’s science if you ask me.

After her first bottle of food, her first bath and the perfect diaper change, Blues eyes closed to earth and like an angel she slept curled up in a new heart-printed pink Onesie while a pink beanie sat on her head. She was covered in the warmth of a blanket, tucked up in a cot. I stared at her and smiled but I was totally out of breath.

I took my bath that night and lay on my bed, with a book in my hand. It wasn’t a fashion magazine. It was book I had to love with the title; The Baby Care Book.

I laughed. Blue had completely changed my life.

Her cot was just a step away from my bed but I missed her so much. I carefully took her out of the cottage placed her beside me. My arms were around her. I could feel her breath on my cheeks. The scent of baby oil from her skin kept my soul in a place of perfect peace and joy.

I never knew love until then. Blue had sparked up lights in me that were hidden within. I never thought myself capable to care for another human but I did.

I guess we never truly know ourselves or what we want until a certain encounter, connection or spark and from that night chilled but warmed by love, I knew that My Baby, Blue was my spark.