Love, where

Scars

I knew going deeper would bruise my heart, cause me pain and hatred for everybody, but that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be reminded every single day that love is just a fantasy, a childhood dream that left me "scars".

"Dear diary,

800th day in college, I watched as my dignity roll out like blood, I lost my only pride, "My virginity", after been group r**e. I gave love another try but it bit me, hard. I lost more than my virginity, I lost my sanity, my pride and worst of all "my trust in love". So I am writing this with pain in my heart and revenge in my veins. A day I hope never to forget, **/**/****

Everything that happened that day still replay in my head. Every time I try to run away from it, it comes after me drowning me in my own misery.

Dear diary,

1260th day in college, two hundred more day to leave college, so excited. This journey so far has showed me how cruel life can be to the weak, yes a weakly like me. It left me with a creepy friend "Felicity", a strange diary, maybe a degree and a miserable life. "Best four years of my life", sarcasm.

I took a pen and completed those lines my old self couldn't, "I blame myself", I wrote at the ending. I knew I might end up breaking my heart if I continued so I started flipping the pages till I reached 1460. It wrote,

Dear diary,

Final day in college1460, has finally come, best day of everybody life but I celebrated it alone. My father was diagnosed with cancer, fourth stage of cancer, can't wait to see him jumping again, my mom sorry my father's ex wife is also not coming. The ceremony finally came to end with me winning four awards. Every silly nerd would feel proud with such honor but not me. I felt screwed up, everybody had someone celebrating them, hugging them till they burst from excitement and wishing them well while I just stared wondering where I went wrong, wondering why my case was different. Maybe I was a victim or maybe I played the victim.

A piece of paper fell out of the diary, it read,

Dear love,

I don't need you anymore, I was so consumed by your tales and fake happy ending that I kept on going into fake relationship, looking for comfort any where it maybe, that I lost my self. One bad relationship has left me scars, I am trying each day to forget the past and my mistakes, gluing my broken heart and dignity together but I can't. so I am putting the blame on you. You might be real and might have given a lot of people happiness but maybe not for nerd like me or gothic like my friend. So I am letting you go, not just your name but the feelings that follows. Sorry, but I blame you and myself more.

yours only, Nerd.

After reading those words, I took both the diary and letter every thing that kept on reminded me of my past self, walked up close to the fire and throw them into it, the fire consumed it at once. Giving my memories one last regretting stare, I walked away hoping never to return. Shedding my last tears for my past, for that naive girl, I dried my tears hoping for a better tomorrow.