Forlorn Madness

Acquaintance

"Mikazuki, I was told by the Director that you did a great job yesterday."

"I guess I did." What's so hard about presenting a proposal? 

"Oh yeah, he also said that we will be having a junior employees, one of them will probably train under you."

I smiled at Janice who just informed me of the additional workload I will be facing in the coming weeks. I didn't like the sound of that but I couldn't say no. I'm vying for a promotion, I might as well just endure it. 

It has been almost three years when I started working in this marketing company. I was not always interested in this job but it was the available work that time and I needed money. I dream of doing something a little different from this, I wanted to do pottery. I was walking to my station, thinking about the difficulties of life thinking about what could've happened if I chose-

"Is everything okay?"

"Why wouldn't everything be okay?"

"I don't know, you just look worried"

"What does my worried face do anything about you?

"Come on, I told you I like you-"

"Don't even dare."

My thought got cut off so I am pissed. I walked hurriedly after seeing him looking satisfied. That was Felix, he knows I'm gay—everyone knows— but I never really liked his guts. He's been claiming that he likes me for almost a year now. He's straight and not really my cup of tea. 

As I reached my station, I sat down and sighed loudly like I had been in a war and just came back. This job is really not for me. 

"Attention, ladies and gents, and Mikazuki", singling me out every single damn time.

"Here we have our new junior employees. Introduce yourselves."

"Good day everyone, I am Allan. Nice meeting everyone. I am looking forward to providing my expertise when it comes to advertising for the company", Allan smiled at everyone and from what I can see, he looks cheerful and very young.

"Hi, good morning. I am Janice, Nice meeting you all. Let's get along well~", I was taught not to judge the book by it's cover but I'll just go ahead and say I do not like her.

There was this long pause that is not from anticipation but from awkwardness, this one guy looking a little stiff is not yet speaking. He's tall and he looks cute, but I can't really see his face because of his glasses and this dumbass Felix is blocking my way. 

I don't really care who among them will be training under my supervision but I just hope they do their jobs well.

The last guy cleared his throat, "h-hello, I am Isaac. It was nice meeting everyone, " and he did a little bow. I almost laughed. Not because of the way he introduced himself but because it has been so long since I have heard a similar name of the Isaac that I know of. Ah, it's been a while. 

The afternoon arrived, everyone was busy doing their own tasks. It's quiet and almost depressing. Although it's like this everyday I still can't understand how are they okay with this. Well. maybe it's just me who wants something else aside from a quiet environment. Maybe, it because it's just quiet and not peaceful. I spent 3 years working and getting laid in between days off. Nothing serious, just me being human and acting human. And because the relationships I had, didn't last, and I don't really knowing what to expect. I can't decide yet if I want a man or I am just bored. 

"Alright everyone, dinner tonight. Same place. Let's welcome our juniors with some really good food. I will expect everyone to be there," the deputy director smiled and waved his hand as a good bye. Leaving some of us happy because of the free food, and disappointed because we cannot go home yet after today's work schedule. I guess it can't be helped.  just hope I will get so drunk that I will feel sick the next  day so I can skip work. 

The evening came and we all sat down at a restaurant located just a few blocks away from the company. Everyone seems excited. It's been a while since we had a company dinner to welcome new employees. I guess them, too, feel exhausted from working non-stop everyday like any adult. Getting drunk doesn't sound so bad. 

Or so I thought. Felix sat beside me. I was trying to think about the complexities of life. Basically not wanting any of them to talk to me yet here comes Mr. I-will-stare-at-you-until-you-marry me. I ignored him, like I always do. But I can't keep pretending that he's not putting food on my plate even without me asking. What is wrong with him?  I was watching my co-workers drink so much that some of them left to feed the ducks in the bathroom. I tried entertaining myself as I kept glancing at my watch, I still have an an hour left before I can finally leave this place. They ordered another set of beer, I turned my head to my left and saw Isaac looking at our table, or maybe he's looking at me?  

I didn't mind him since he looks kind of wasted already. I can practically hear them make fun of Isaac for being a light drinker. Pretty much seems like the Isaac I vaguely remember. I got up and went to the comfort room. I told them I was only going to go and drop a deuce when in fact I am waltzing my way outside because I saw Isaac go out for about fifteen minutes ago and he has not come back yet. I am not concerned, just curious. 

I went out and saw bunch of individuals doing their own businesses. Yes, that's how it should be. I walked slowly while looking left and right to look for my junior who I know is already dead drunk at the moment. My phone rang while I am still wondering where that boy went. It's Felix again, what the hell? I turned my phone off and walked straight to the alley. I saw a couple of individuals smoking, and a pair going at it. Must be nice, huh? As I was entering the alley I saw Isaac with his unkempt hair, and loose tie — smoking. He looks... different? 

"I didn't know you smoke," I told him as I scan the area where we are currently at, a little dark. I can't see his reactions, all credit goes to my failing eyesight. 

"Hi. No, I just — you know, smoke sometimes when I'm feeling really stressed."

"Stressed of what?" I tried asking him, although I might seem a little pushy for trying to ask someone I don't personally know what is making them stressed. It shouldn't be about work because he barely even started with actual work—

"It's too personal, I can't tell you." Just as I thought. Ah, youth.

"Alright, just make sure you come back inside after you do your own business there."

"Yes, thank you."

I came back and sat in front of Felix. There's no way I will intentionally sit beside him. I heard him complain of several things like why I ignored his calls and why was I not seating beside him. He offered me a drink, I glanced at him and I took the drink without saying anything. It's just plain beer, nothing special. 

"You're cute", said Felix.

"You think so?"

"Listen, I am serious about you okay. I may be straight but why don't you give me a chance?"

"How many times do I have to reject you until you stop pestering me. I am not interested okay?"

"Just one chance?"

"What do you f*****g want from me?", I am getting annoyed already and I got this feeling that I'm already drunk. This is bad. I have to get out of here, the beer was so strong. 

"No, hey, don't be like that I just want you to look at me like I'm worth something?"

"What? Like a penny?" I stood up and walked, almost losing my balance. I know I was rude but why can't he simply accept a no. Does he think I'm playing hard-to-get? Does he want s*x or something? I walked slowly away from the table and asked everyone if I can leave early because I'm too drunk to go for another bottle of beer. I saw Felix walk towards me attempting to hold my waist. Maybe he thinks he can send me home after giving me so much alcohol. He was about to reach me when Isaac held my arm and said that he can send me home. Everyone was staring when the deputy director agreed. 

"Oh well, I guess Isaac can send Mikazuki home, besides Mikazuki will be mentoring Isaac from now on."

"Why are you just saying this now?" I said while massaging my temple in annoyance. I heard them laugh. Isaac whispered something like I'm sending you home or can I send you home? I couldn't properly comprehend with what he said I was just there wishing for my life to end. I can feel my stomach turning upside down. I will never touch alcohol ever again. 

"I can't breathe, slow down!" I said angrily because my feet has been moving so fast I am not even the one carrying my own weight, its almost feels like I'm being dragged.

"Oops, my bad." I heard Isaac laugh. I may be hallucinating but I must've heard that very same laugh before. I can pinpoint who I heard it from but I just know that I can be considered crazy just by thinking about it. So I will just continue thinking about how difficult it is to breathe while this Isaac beside me is almost as if carrying my entire weight. Not that I am complaining.

"It seems to me that you can't stand, more so to go home on your own. Do you mind if you tell me your address so I can send you home?" Ah yes, a dash of kindness that thrills my body. I hate it. 

I told him where I live because I feel dizzy and my vision is becoming more blurry by the second. I can't wait to lay on my bed. Isaac and I got inside a cab and I was just trying to listen to the radio that's a bit noisy since it's playing rock music. I am not a fan, but I don't hate it. 

The person sitting beside is quiet, too quiet that it's making me feel uncomfortable. But I will admit it. He reminds me so much of the guy I found interesting way back in 2016. I wonder where is he now? Isaac, just Isaac. I don't even know his surname and I will cut one of my fingers if I ever ask a favor from my cousin whom he is unfortunately friends with. The 2016 Isaac made me feel sad, in a good way. Not very rock and roll but really one of a kind. I only knew him for a short time but he made me anxious. He's too kind for his own sake. He seems to always be asking me: Is everything okay? It's not but he made me question what I was seeking for. Freedom? Power? The ability to self-destruct without hurting anyone? Superiority? Maybe a boyfriend? He couldn't be bothered with the complications of life and always seem to want to sustain eye contact and genuinely freak me out for just being an incredibly handsome male. I'd lose focus looking at his features, from his face and even his broad back. He was, even for a short time, has shown me how distractingly good looking he is, and what was my point again?

I stopped myself from thinking too hard because I'm going in all directions that none of my thoughts make sense anymore. 

"We're here", said Isaac.

I composed myself and heaved a loud sigh. I stepped out of the cab, slowly. Isaac held my arms again and whispered be careful. He really should stop being this kind. He carefully walked me in front of the building. I was looking for my key card, almost frantically, when Isaac swiped a card and the door opened. 

On God. Did he search my wallet so he could take my key card out? Was he that slick? He should've just asked me. 

"What floor?", he asked.

"Tenth, 207", I answered.

As we reached the 10th floor, I automatically walked myself towards the front of my apartment. Before entering, I turned to Isaac. 

"Hey"

"Hey", he said too while looking at me, hands inside his pockets. Looking like the same smoking Isaac I saw earlier, with a dash of confidence and good posture. He's not looking too bad.

"Thank you for bringing me home."

"It's nothing. Please, go ahead inside and rest. You must be feeing extra tired."

I nodded as a response and opened the door. I immediately ran inside the bathroom and vomited my intestines out. It would have been so embarrassing if I dirtied the cab, or the elevator or Isaac's shirt... I shook my thought and went to the kitchen for a cold water. 

I positioned myself on the bed, almost half asleep. I'm so certain I will not be able to wake up tomorrow and be late for work. 

Morning came, it's 9:35. I panicked way more than I should when I opened my phone and I have read a message from Janice saying, "First of all, today is Saturday. Second, you left without saying anything to me. You have to treat me to lunch next time. xoxo." It's a good thing then? Why wasn't I aware of how the calendar works. I always, always, go through this. I tried moving slowly toward the kitchen, for breakfast this time. 

I was preparing the pan when the doorbell rang. I am not expecting anyone. I opened the door and saw Isaac, looking fresh but still nerdy and a little awkward. I paused, but only a few seconds because I am very hungry right now that nothing will surprise except the actual Isaac from 2016 appearing in front of me. That might be the only thing that will totally surprise me today. I told him to enter because he seems like he wants to say something.

"By the way, how are you able to enter? Do you still have my card? Is that why you're here, you're giving it back?"

He was looking around and he didn't seem like he heard me. 

"Hey, Isaac, do want some breakfast? I can cook eggs for you as a thank you for last night."

Isaac was still roaming around like he's looking for something. I wanted to just throw an egg towards him since it appears that he is not listening. I heated the pan and cracked the egg for our breakfast when I heard Isaac say, "I told you, I am more of a coffee guy." 

"And no, that was my key card, I live on the 24th floor." He was smiling at me like he just said the most incredible thing ever, while I stood there — frozen, unable to process what he just said.