Puppets on a string

IF I COULD FLY

Later in the evening, my mother called me for dinner. I wasn't hungry but I had to go and eat otherwise my father was going to scold me more. The dinner was silent, nobody spoke a word. I kept fidgeting with my spaghetti when my father said something that made me look at him with shock and surprise.

"I have booked your flight tickets to Colorado Ashley. You will leave tomorrow and we all will join you on Christmas eve."

"Okay" I replied with a small voice. Maybe it's a good thing. I will be able to text him more if I go there as my uncle's family is very open minded.

"You have one week. When you come back, I want you to forget him. You are going to ignore him in college. I am trusting you Ash. Don't break my trust" He said and I nodded my head in yes not daring to look him in the eyes. I can't lie to him by looking him straight in the eyes.

After dinner, I didn't dare to pick my phone as my parents were still there. F*ck! I need to contact to him before I leave. He must be so hurt and confused right now. What if he think that I have really broken up with him?

I turned around all night, I tried my best but couldn't sleep. I need to do something. I kept on thinking when a thought came to my mind. 'My parents have taken my phone but not my laptop and wifi is on' I quickly stood up and picked up my laptop. I opened my social networking site and open the chatbox with Samuel.

But there were already numerous messages from him.

"Please don't leave me babe. We will convince your parents"

"I won't be able to live without you. Come back please"

"You didn't have to block me. I would have talked to your father if needed"

"Okay just tell me that you are fine. I will be fine knowing that you are safe "

"I can't sleep without seeing your face. I miss you"

"I love you baby. Please don't leave me. How will I survive without you"

As I read those messages, tears again made their way down my face. How can this guy be so caring? And my father wants me to breakup with him. I am sorry dad. I love you but I love him too. I don't want to choose between you. He has always been respectful and loving towards me. I can't breakup with him as it's not his fault.

"Hey baby. I am fine. And how can I breakup with you i***t. I love you. It was my brother who texted you from my phone. I can never leave you. I love you too much. Now listen carefully, don't text or call on my contact number, my parents have my phone. And they are sending me to Colorado tomorrow. My flight will be at 2 p.m and my family will drop me to airport, so I won't be able to meet you. I will call you when my family is not around. We will text on social networking sites only. Please go to sleep and take care of yourself. I love you" I typed the message and sent it to him.

It was already 3 a.m, so I decided to logout but his message came before I could turn off my laptop.

"Thank God you are fine. I was so worried. I couldn't sleep."

"What happened? Tell me everything " He continued.

"They asked me to breakup with you. But I can never do that. And don't worry, I will tell you everything tomorrow. Just go to sleep now. Otherwise you will get sick" I replied back.

"Why are you going to Colorado this early? Your flight was supposed to be on 24 December"

"They want me to go there early, I don't know why. I will tell you everything tomorrow love. I promise."

"Okay. I love you. Good night and take care"

"I love you too Sam. Good night and please take care of yourself too"

After that I logged off of my account and went to sleep. I was a little calm after talking to him but I was still feeling guilty inside. I am sorry dad, I love him. I love you both.

Next morning

I woke up early as I needed to pack my bags. I went downstairs and heard my parents talking in the kitchen. I was about to enter the kitchen when I heard my name.

"Do you think Ashley will be able to forget him?" My mom asked my dad.

" She has to forget him Katherine. I know it will be hard for her but she is too young. I am damn sure that boy is using my daughter" My dad sighed.

"Why are you sending her to Colorado early?" My mom asked again.

"If she stays here, she will definitely meet him. She is 18, we can't lock her inside the house. If she stays away from here, then she will have enough time to think about it. I know it's really hard for her because I can see the love in her eyes for that boy, but she needs to move on" My dad replied.

I wanted to yell at them to stop treating me like a kid but I need to be patient. I entered the kitchen and pretended that I didn't hear anything.

I took out milk from the fridge and prepared cereals for myself. I didn't talk to anyone, I just focused on my meal. After that I went back to my room and packed my bags.

It was already 10:30 now when I heard Andrew's voice from outside.

"Ash, Are you ready? We need to leave for airport"

"Isn't it too early? My flight is at 2 pm" I answered back

"Dad could only find ticket from LA airport. So we need to go to LA first. Come out fast " He replied.

I sighed and went to change my clothes. After changing, I picked up my bags and went downstairs. I was wearing a loose black t- shirt and blue jeans. My hairs were tied in a messy bun.

"What are you wearing Ashley? It's snowing in Colorado. You will feel cold when you reach there." My mom said when I was almost out of the door while my father and brother were waiting for me in the car.

"I know mom. That's why I have packed a jacket, scarf and beanie in my backpack. I will wear them in flight " I replied to her blankly and went out of the door without saying goodbye. I will really miss her but I needed to get away from here. There was too much tension and awkwardness in the family that I also wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. I think things will be fine when I come back.

Andrew started the car as soon as I closed the back door. My father was sitting on the passenger seat beside him. They have given me my cellphone back too. I could see Andrew glancing at me from the front many times with eyes full of guilt but I just ignored him. It was not his fault. The car ride was very awkward, noone was talking.

After 2 hours, we reached the airport. I grabbed my bags and made my way inside the airport with my tickets. I collected my boarding pass and saw that I still had 30 minutes. I decided to text Samuel, as my dad and Andrew had already left.

"At airport. About to board the plane. Will call you when I get there"

I put my phone inside my pocket and decided to grab something to eat as I was feeling hungry. It was almost time for lunch.

I went to McDonald's and ordered a big Mac with large fries and McFlurry. I eat when I am stressed.

Soon, it was time for my flight and I boarded the plane. It was my first time flying alone without my family. And thankgod, my father booked the ticket near the window. He knows that I only sit on seat near the window. The views outside calm me down. The blue ocean of LA and the snow covered mountains of Colorado are the sight to see from high above in the clouds. I love mountains more than beach. I prefer the cold snow rather than warm sun on beach. Summers are sweaty. I like to make snow man rather than Sand castles.

I put my seat belt on and put on my headphones. Music is my healing place. Music and food are the only thing that helps me release down my stress.

I looked down the window, not caring about the person sitting beside me, I didn't even look at them. I know it is rude but I had a lot going in my mind right now. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

I am going to my maternal uncle's house. Mr. Bobby Jones is my mother's older brother. He and his wife Mrs. Sandra Jones both are accountants. My cousins, Kevin and Patrick are also in college. Kevin is 3 years older than me and is pursuing his masters in computer science from New York University while Patrick is only 6 months older than me. He is pursuing economics major from Havard. I know, they both are really intelligent and bookworms too. They both were back home for holidays which will make my days there a little easier. My mom and dad always compare me to them, which I really hate. 'Look at Patrick, he got admission in Havard' , 'You could also have gotten admission there if you have studied harder' . I have learnt to ignore their remarks now.

My relationship with my cousins was fine. We meet twice in an year but We talk on calls sometimes. Kevin helps me sometimes in my studies also.

Then my mind wondered off to Samuel. I miss him so much. I really wanted to hug him and tell him how much I love him. Just the thoughts of him bought tears in my eyes.

If I could fly

I'd be coming right back home to you

I think I might

Give up everything, just ask me to

Pay attention, I hope that you listen

'Cause I let my guard down

Right now I'm completely defenseless

For your eyes only

I'll show you my heart

For when you're lonely

And forget who you are

I'm missing half of me

When we're apart

Now you know me

For your eyes only

For your eyes only

I've got scars

Even though they can't always be seen

And pain gets hard

But now you're here and I don't feel a thing

Pay attention, I hope that you listen

'Cause I let my guard down

Right now I'm completely defenseless

For your eyes only

I'll show you my heart

For when you're lonely

And forget who you are

I'm missing half of me

When we're apart

Now you know me

For your eyes only

My ears and my mind was now completely filled with this beautiful song that reminds me of Samuel. I am madly in love with him. I have shown Samuel the real me. I don't really open up to people but when it comes to Samuel, I can't control my emotions. Samuel has a power over me. He is the only person that can calm me down. Samuel feels like home.

I reached Colorado and called Andrew informing him about my arrival and also texted Samuel. My uncle and Patrick came to airport to pick me up.

After I reached there, my aunt greeted me with a hug and stuffed me full with food. She is one of the greatest cook in the world.

Later in the evening, I called Samuel and talked to him for almost 1 hour informing him about everything that happened at my home a day before.

At night, Patrick, Kevin and I decided to watch a horror movie. I love horror movies. And this is how I spent my days there. Whole day we used to play video games and watch movies. Sometimes, we went out too for hiking and sight seeing. I was able to talk to Samuel everyday and things were back to normal. My dad and mom also called me a couple of times. They arrived on Christmas eve. My other uncles, aunts and cousins also joined us. The house was packed with family members. We sang Christmas carols, gave gifts and drank.

My parents were behaving normally to me as if nothing happened. Everything was perfect and everyone was happy.

Only thing that was missing was Samuel. I wish I could spend Christmas with him too. Yes we talked daily, but it feels better when we are together.

Even when we came back home after Christmas, my family never mentioned Samuel. We ate together just like before. Everything was back to normal.