Half Of Rhea

The Decisions

The sound of typing and a phone’s melodic tune, filled the office. It was a stark white with the quintessential fish tank, which stood almost as tall as Rhea. She watched the black and white fish, swish its tail around, slowly swimming in circles mindlessly. She envied that fish, she would love to wander around aimlessly, but at this point in time, she only felt mild panic.

She looked down at the piece of paper in her hand for the twentieth time, checking to make sure her details were correct. Why do they make your appointment at a certain time and you always sit there for an extra half an hour, before they call your name?.... She couldn’t study the waiting room any longer, it felt like she knew every little detail.

“Rhea… Doctor Benson will see you now.” Rhea nodded at the receptionist and walked into the consultant’s room. A small rush of adrenaline was coursing through her arteries, as she politely acknowledged Dr Benson and sat down. Rhea had purposefully requested a female doctor so that she didn’t have to see her usual General Practitioner.

“Hi…How are you?” Rhea let out her whispered words with trepidation.

“Hi Rhea, I’m Doctor Benson it’s nice to meet you. What can I help you with today?” She smiled a genuine warm smile at her and Rhea smiled back not knowing where to start. She inhaled and closed her eyes, feeling tears well behind her eyelids. s**t. She didn’t want to cry. She had barely said a word, but having to say something out loud and to the world, made the reality all the more real.

“Take your time sweetheart.” She got up from behind the desk and walked around to sit next to Rhea, handing her a box of tissues. “When you’re ready, you can tell me why you need my help today.” She patted her shoulder and Rhea took a deep breath. Rhea was comforted by the fact the Doctor was a much older woman. She was attractive for a woman in her late 50’s, with dark brown eyes that sat behind her glasses. Strands of her blonde hair had come out of her neat bun and dangled by her ears.

“Thank you Doctor Benson.” She patted at her eyes not wanting to ruin her make-up. “About a month ago I was r***d, I spent so much of my time trying to move past it, that I could barely leave my house. I couldn’t function normally and then I started feeling sick.” She spoke fast and to the point so that no more tears came. “I think I’m pregnant.”

“Oh goodness,” she sighed and looked at her with sadness. “What an absolutely terrible thing you went through Rhea.” Her face was solemn as she looked down on her patient. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, I’m assuming the police were not involved?” She looked at Rhea with concern. Unable to add anything at this point Rhea just shook her head no. The doctor stood up and went back to her desk. Typing skilfully on her keyboard, she looked at Rhea while she typed.

“First things first my dear, lets handle the current situation. We will take this one step at a time okay?” She nodded at Rhea and Rhea mimicked her gesture and nodded back. She wasn’t treating her like a child but Rhea appreciated that she was tenderly soft with her and in no rush to get her out of the office as quickly as possible.

“I will send you across the road to the medical lab and you can undergo a standard blood test. They will check for sexually transmitted infection, H.I.V, and the pregnancy of course. Have you taken an at home pregnancy test yet?”

Rhea nodded again. Two weeks prior she had sat on the toilet in absolute disarray as two small lines had appeared on the pregnancy test. She was currently having another baby with the man that never seemed to be able to relinquish his tight control over her life. She had told no one and booked an appointment with the doctor’s straight away. There was a two week wait but she wasn’t concerned about the timeframe, she just avoided everyone at all cost. Her nausea and fatigue could not be hidden and again her options were limited. Things hadn’t improved with Sage yet, unable to forgive her friends transgressions, meant that she was unable to also have that amazing support that had got her through so much trouble already. Rhea would reach out soon, as promised Sage had given her the space that she asked for and Rhea loved her friend even more for that respect. She would do it after this appointment.

Rhea’s mind snapped back to the Doctor and away from her memories. Doctor Benson was filling out forms and printing off pieces of paper as she rounded her desk once more and sat next to Rhea.

“These you hand to the medical laboratory, and this you keep, it is a referral to a counselling and psychology service that can help you heal mentally. It is very important that your brain has an opportunity to heal itself too Rhea…. This type of injury is harder to heal as it can’t be seen, but your brain has undergone significant trauma.” She held her hand gently and looked down.

“Have you given any thought as to whether you want to keep the baby?” She asked gently. “Any decision you make is understandable and we cast absolutely no judgement here.”

“I don’t want it.” Rhea stated.

“Then after the blood test comes back, I will make a referral to a radiologist to ascertain the gestation period and then there are a series of counsellors and another consultant who will have to sign off on the procedure.” It helped Rhea that the doctor had been very clinical at this point, she always appreciated cold hard facts and logical understanding as opposed to the emotional crap. Her hormones had her emotions so unbelievably erratic, that it helped to stay emotionless at times like these.

She thanked the doctor and made her way out of the medical centre. Once outside she could breathe properly. Her hand went to her stomach subconsciously and she wondered if the potential life would be anything like Laken. Her heart fluttered at that thought. What if it was a little girl version? She smiled a wee bit. How could she bring another life into this situation though? Zane would be even more determined to get her back if he found out she was pregnant. She shuddered at the thought. The only good thing that had come out of the s****l assault, was that he had finally left her alone.

She was incredibly confused, she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to terminate the pregnancy, but the alternative was more of the same bullshit she had endured over the past 3 years. She felt trapped, she felt that there was no other option, so she walked across to the medical laboratory to start the process.

Thoughts swamped her head and she felt a migraine coming on. It was always gradual, and within half an hour she knew she would be incapacitated. She rushed through her blood test, not even waiting for the gauze and tape to be stuck down properly by the woman who took her blood, before she raced out the door, heading for the comfort of her dark bedroom and soft pillows.

Rhea awoke with an empty stomach and the taste of bile rising up her oesophagus. Nausea, nausea, nausea swamped her head and she ran to throw up the nothingness in the toilet. Her hands gripped the toilet bowl like her life depended on it. Ugh how disgusting she thought, as yellow bile was all she managed to regurgitate. She went to wash her hands and looked at her reflection in the mirror. God she looked like s**t. Her eyes were sunken in, her usually tanned complexion was pale and blotchy, her hair was oily and some of it was matted to her forehead.

“For f**k sakes Rhea sort your s**t out!” She spoke out loudly to herself, hoping to find some internal motivation. Her hands ran over her hair and she turned the water on in the shower. As the water cascaded down her back, she felt the need to pee. Would anyone know if she just went in the shower? Ewwww she thought, as it went down her leg and circled the plug hole. I’ve officially become a disgusting human being and she laughed out loudly. Oh well no one will know, she shrugged her shoulders and carried on washing herself, making sure the body wash covered every inch of her body and legs.

She looked at her abdomen and her breath caught in her throat. The thought of another little person tugged at her heart. This was torture, there was only two paths forward from here, keep or terminate. Once that decision was made she could carry on making further choices. That was holding up her process, not being able to decide that first critical step that could potentially change her life forever. She didn’t know when her tears started but she just accepted them now and let them flow whenever they needed to come out.

Days had passed as Rhea sat by her window in the lounge, sipping on a hot cup of tea. Her results had come through and thank God, she was clear of any diseases and was only positive in having a little life growing inside of her. Doctor Benson had followed through with appointments to the radiologist and respective counsellors. She had the appointments on her fridge and she stared at them every time she ventured into the kitchen. Her mind still not at a resolution. She saw her friends pull up her driveway, Sage and their mutual friend Tarns had come over for a cuppa and a chat.

It had been the lengthiest amount of time she had ever gone, without seeing Sage and she thought having another ‘buffer’ friend, would help ease the tension that had built up between the two of them. After all their history, Sage deserved another chance and Rhea couldn’t hang onto her anger any longer.

As they came inside the door Rhea left open, she stood up ready to welcome her friends. Sage more subdued then her usual self, half hid behind Tarns huge muscly form, peeking out from behind her. Rhea embraced Tarns and was squeezed tightly by her tattoo covered arms, and then stood waiting as she took a step to the side and Sage stood there in full view, nervously twisting her hands and looking down at the ground, then back up at Rhea.

“Hello my friend.” Rhea said with a small smile on her lips. Tears had started forming in her eyes and she stretched out her arms towards Sage. That was all the invitation that she needed and she ran the remaining two steps between them and half tackled her to the ground.

“I missed youuuuuu!” Sage said through her tears and continued hugging Rhea.

“I missed you too my mate.” They hugged a wee while longer, when they felt a bit ridiculous and let each other go.

“Ok, ok…” Rhea waved her hands through the air and gestured for them to follow her through to the kitchen. “Come on girls, cup of coffee, we have a lot to catch up on.”

Tarns went straight to the kitchen and whipped out two more cups to add to Rheas one. She was the strong silent type who never really indulged in the other two ladies escapades or gossip sessions but was wonderfully loyal to the two of them.

“I’ll have another tea.” Rhea told Tarns as she made herself busy in the kitchen, knowing Sage and Rhea had stuff they needed to talk about, without her interrupting.

The conversation flowed naturally and Rhea took a deep breath. Ready to divulge the secret she hadn’t spoken to anyone except her doctor.

“I have something I have to tell you.” Rhea looked at Sage seriously. “I’m-m uhm …. shit.. pp-pregg-nant.” The words got stuck in her throat and it came out as a half choke, half gargle.

“Oh my God, so it’s true!.... s**t. Mate shit.” Sage looked at her wide-eyed with her mouth open.

“What do you mean… it’s true?.... did you know?” She couldn’t believe it, she hadn’t told anyone.

“Mikey saw you come out of the Doctors and you held your stomach and looked like you had been crying, then went over to the medlab. It’s a small town babe, everyone talks.”

“f**k it, if Mikey knows or is guessing and telling people, then Zane knows.”

“Have you heard from him?” Sage asked.

“Not for a while mate… he came round one night, I told him to f**k off and haven’t heard from him since. I don’t think I’m going to keep it anyway, I have my appointments sorted out.”

“Oh…” Sage looked down sad and disappointed.

“I know friend, but what other choice do I have?” Rhea sounded desperate at this time hoping she could come up with a third option.

“Leave mate.”

“What…? Leave as in move away?” Rhea asked.

“Yes.” She sounded sure of her answer.

“Where? And what difference would location make?” Rhea was confused.

“Look the only reason you don’t want to keep the baby is because you’re worried Zane will use it as a way to force himself back into your life. So leave. I know you, terminating this pregnancy would break your heart.” She held onto her friends hands tightly. “This is the only way… And Ma and I can help you pack and move.”

“Anyone would think you were trying to get rid of me.” Rhea laughed solemnly.

“I’ve been beside myself with worry for the last month mate. I drove past your house so many times hoping to see you were ok. But after what happened the last thing you needed was another person forcing themselves or their opinions on you.”

“f*****g stalker.” She whispered and they looked at each other with smirks on their faces but tears in their eyes.

This time it was Tarns turn to speak up, “you know if and when Zane finds out, a lot of s**t will go down, but no one will blame you for wanting to escape town with a psycho ex involved with gangs and drugs.”

Rhea nodded at her friends. They were the most beautiful friends she could have ever asked for. Rhea burst into tears knowing that this was the decision. They hugged and Tarns got up from her seat and hugged them too which was unusual for the usually stoic woman. Her large stature and bulging arms, scooped both of them up.

“This is some sad mother-f*****g-shit.” Tarns exclaimed, while hugging the both of them. “I will be the bodyguard.” She said sternly and the other two ladies laughed at her. “It’s not funny Rhea, you need a bodyguard.”

“It’s not funny because it’s actually true.” Rhea said and they laughed some more, Tarns just shaking her head at the two ridiculous women.

They immediately swung into action, withdrawing Laken from their small towns Kindergarten. Boxes were being delivered and a skip was ordered, to throw out the majority of the crap they had accumulated over the years.

Excitement coursed through Rhea’s veins, as things started falling into place. She had called her Aunt Georgia, who said, she could go stay with her, until she got on her feet. They turned the music up as loud as it would go and the three of them danced around packing boxes and chucking anything that wasn’t needed into the skip or donating it to the local charity shop.

After a few hours and a lot of decisions of keep/chuck/donate, they sat exhausted at the table, hooking into fish and chips with tomato sauce. Sage and Tarns enjoyed a few ciders and then wines. They laughed together and shed some tears but the relief and happiness that Rhea felt, couldn’t be diminished. Tarns agreed to take over the rental property and sort out the change in lease, so she was free to leave whenever she was ready, without having to hand notice into her landlords.

They left late in the night, promising to be back first thing in the morning and Rhea went to bed and jumped in next to her son. For the first time in a long time she was able to fall asleep with less worry, less stress and just a little bit more hope for a positive future.

She awoke to a pain. What was that? Completely disorientated it took a few moments for Rhea to register what was going on. Her body hit the cold wooden floor with a thud and she felt herself being dragged along the ground in the darkness. So utterly shocked and confused, she didn’t even scream as she was pulled down the hallway. Her top came up and her stomach and bra were exposed, the momentum of the drag nearly taking her top off.

“What the f**k!” she started kicking at the person dragging her in the darkness, screaming when she finally realised what the hell was going on. The door shut behind her as they entered the kitchen and dining room at the other end of the house. She sat up after her foot was released and glanced around as the lamp in the corner came on and there he was.