Half Of Rhea

The House

Rhea awoke with a startled gasp. Her heart was fluttering, as she inhaled deeply. She didn't move an inch, not even the tiniest fraction. Her muscles were tense and straining, as she slowly became aware of her surroundings. 

There was only the continuous thuds of her own heartbeat in her ears, and she slowly felt it dissipate, along with the tension in her limbs and stomach. Her eyes remained clamped shut, as she let the fear slowly fade away. Another nightmare had plagued her sleep. 

"It was just a dream" she hushed to herself... Her body slowly relaxing.

She sighed and tentatively opened her bleary eyes, glancing over at the bedside table, searching for her phone. Her hands groping around in the darkness, desperately seeking the familiar cold, rectangular shape, her mind knew off by heart. She hit the screen, squinting at the brightness, that forced her pupils to shrink dramatically.

"Uuuuggh it's only 4.46 am."

She sighed and then wondered if it was worth trying to go back to sleep again. This was the norm for Rhea. When she finally allowed herself to fall asleep at night, she was inundated with nightmares of her running, and falling, then being engulfed in darkness. Trying to claw at the untouchable black smoke, that had hunted her down. It would take her air away, as she tried desperately to attack the whisps of blackness. Her hands would just glide through her attacker, like it was a ghost in the night. She would always be on the verge of passing out, when she would wake up, panicking and afraid. The sun rising and peeking through the top of the curtain rails, always brought a welcome relief. Although it hadn't risen yet, she knew the warm orange tones and birds chirping were not far away.

She rolled over and felt two little feet tuck underneath her. A milky breath fanned over her face, and she giggled at the dribble coming down Laken's chin, his little lips apart, ever so slightly. He had saturated his pillow case during the night, and some of his black curly hair had stuck to his fat cheek. His little arm came over her neck and he snuggled in closer, not yet fully awake. 

"Mama" he said, half asleep, as he farted and then giggled.

He reminded her of a little drunk man, and she wrapped him in her arms, pulling him closer.

Her nose wrinkled as she took in a breath. 

"Oh my god sonson... You have a rotten arse!"

And she quickly untangled herself, trying to push him back over to the other side of the bed. He giggled again, trying to claw his way back to her. 

"Nooo!!!.... Stop waving the duvet around son... It's making the eggy smell waft around everywhere!" she half laughed and growled. 

"Come back mama! I'm sorry I've got a stinky butt" he pouted. 

His fat little lips poked out at her, and his dark brown eyes were trying hard to blink away the sleep, and focus on her face. Rhea couldn't believe this little man could be so cute, and better yet, that he had come from her. She smiled at him and quickly waved the duvet around the bed, trying to make the stench disperse quickly. She wondered..... How was this horrendous smell, able to come out of, such a little butt.

He actually wasn't so little anymore, he was almost four, and he towered over all the other kids his age. He was a little chubby with lots of baby fat, that just added to his cuteness. He had the eyelashes of a camel, that made all the ladies swoon and he had a creamy caramel complexion, that always made him look like he had been kissed by the sun. 

To Rhea, he was the most handsomest little boy, she had ever laid her eyes on. She knew she was biased because she had birthed him. Although her partiality was a truth she acknowledged, she still had an inkling, the rest of the world thought he was as handsome as she did.

She let him come closer, and wrapped him up again in her arms, as he settled back down, drifting back off to sleep. About ten minutes later, his eyes had closed and his breathing became a regular, slow pace. She knew he was back in the land of nod. A smile crept across her face, as she admired her sleeping son and let her warmth surround his resting body. If only she could stay like this forever.

A noise in the lounge interrupted her thoughts. She heard the muffled footsteps move around the room, down the hallway, and she knew he was back. A nervous feeling crept over her.

She shimmied across the bed backwards, trying to free herself from Laken's tight hold. He stirred and she froze, one leg dangling out of the bed, her foot barely touching the floor. She eased away slowly, and lightly landed both feet on the ground. The breath she didn't know she was holding in, slowly exhaled. Silently, she crept out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. 

She didn't know what time Zane had come home, but from the warmth radiating from the lounge fire, she knew it had been long enough, to warm up this end of the house. With summer just around the corner she didn't understand the need to put on heating at this time of the year but she let it go. Her heartbeat thrummed as she got closer to the door, that was slightly ajar. She pushed the door wider and entered, as he glanced up from the grey lazy boy, he was sitting back on. He stared at her without saying anything. Then he shut his eyes again, ignoring her presence.

He was a stocky man, not fat, but he had a slightly rounded belly and large shoulders. His frame wasn't overly intimidating to other men or even other women, but his explosive personality meant, that at the very least, she should be on her guard, until she could ascertain what kind of mood he was in. He sat in a white t-shirt, drop-crutch, blue denim jeans and white chuck Taylor's.  He definitely wasn't a handsome man, but he wasn't hideous. Rhea would at least give him that concession. He was the father of her son and Laken couldn't be more perfect... so how? Maybe her genetics were more dominant, she thought. Not sure she could attribute any of the natural beauty her son had, to this man.

 Rhea felt slightly insecure and looked down not wanting to look at his eyes. There was an awkward silence, and she felt a bit ridiculous just standing there, in her tight unicorn pyjamas. They used to fit her perfectly, but over the last two years, she had gained a considerable amount of weight. Now most, if not all of her clothes clung to her frame, looking more like skins then proper clothing. She pulled the shoulder of her top back up to cover her collarbone and looked back up at him.

"What are you doing up so early? Checking up on me? Huh?" He smirked, his eyes remaining closed.

"Toilet" was all she replied. The last thing she cared about, was whatever occupied the majority of his time, the reasons why he stopped coming to bed, and the people or things, that were always on his phone. He came and went as he pleased and she tried not to give a rat's arse about it. Mild sadness leaked out of her pores and she shuffled past his seat. "Those pyjamas don't fit you anymore, maybe you should go for a run or something?...." 

She stopped where she was, frozen to the spot. She couldn't be bothered defending herself, for the twentieth time that week, about her weight. His words stung like a b***h though. She wanted to yell at him, if she hadn't pushed a ten pound baby out of her, then her body would still be the same as it was when she met him!..... Truth was it had been nearly 4 years, since she had given birth to her boy and the, 'I just had a baby' excuse, didn't seem to cut it with him anymore. Those little digs just added up and made her want to indulge in the yummy chocolate biscuits, in the pantry, for breakfast. 

Rhea carried on to the bathroom. Choosing to say nothing in response, was better then potentially starting another argument. And that was the reality of their relationship now. She took care of everything, from the household to their son, the finances, hell.... Even the outside gardens and lawns. She stopped in front of the mirror. Her once beautiful sparkling blue eyes, were dull and lifeless. Her long, dark, brown, slightly wavy hair was unkempt and she loosely tied it into a messy bun on the top of her head. She had full, dark purple lips, that contrasted against her light brown complexion. She never thought she was overly pretty, but her friends and family had always commented on her striking beauty, when she was younger. Only a few years ago, she would strut around, exuding confidence and self-assuredness. Strangers stared, men ogled, and kids smiled. Oh how things had changed. She sagged in places she never used to and the criticism alone, sunk her further into a state of depression and self loathing.

Rhea was only 27, but the last couple of years had taken a toll on her, not just mentally but also physically. She had aged, and she wasn't thrilled about it. She was never a conceited woman, but even she could tell the years hadn't been kind to her. Slowly her confidence had been eroded away, and she didn't even recognize the person who was standing, staring back at her.

She sighed again, she seemed to do that a lot. It filled the air with her disappointment. She washed her hands and face, put some anti-wrinkle cream and moisturizer on her face and neck. After she had brushed her teeth, she went to make her much needed morning coffee. It was the one time she sat in the kitchen, taking the opportunity to relax properly. She inhaled the wafting warm scent, as she gazed out the window, watching the sun come up. Maybe because she had a whole day full of potential or maybe because she was an optimist at heart, she wasn't sure of the reason, but mornings were always, her favourite time of the day.

Little footsteps came pounding down the hallway, dragging her from her thoughts, as she realised what was happening. She quickly put her coffee down and ran to intercept Laken, before he crossed paths with his father. 

"Why are you running like an elephant at this time in the morning?" She heard Zane say.

Her heart dropped into her stomach, as she walked calmly to the lounge. She couldn't remember exactly when he started resenting his own son. It had started, like most of the horrible things in her life, slowly and crept up quietly, before she even realised what was happening. Her love for her son had grown exponentially, while her love for her partner, had only been diminishing over the years. Zane found it easier to blame Laken for the poor state of their relationship, then to take any accountability for the lack of support, love, attention or the bullying, controlling, intimidating behaviour and insults he hurled at her on the daily.

"I didn't know you were here" a little sweet voice squeaked. 

"Course I'm here.... Where else would I be?"

"I dunno" a wee whisper came out.

Laken looked down at his Lightning McQueen socks and started tapping his feet together, unsure of what to do or say. His hands twisting inside each other, behind his back.

".... Mama!" He looked up excitedly.

She walked into the room, heading straight towards him. 

"Good morning my sunshine" she beamed down at him. 

There was a loud sigh behind her and she knew that his dad was getting annoyed. The air thick with tension, she knew that this day, was not going to be a good one and the hope she held, but minutes ago in the kitchen, for a nice day, was gone. It had started.

"You treat him like a f*****g baby.... he needs to harden up."

..... sigh....."Did you have a good sleep my sonson?" 

Rhea decided the best thing to do was just ignore him. It was her only response, to most of the horrible things he said or did. She had learnt years ago, that arguing back or voicing her opinions, made things so much worse. She had retreated into her shell. She had discovered a safe place in her own mind, where her thoughts and feelings manifested, without the fear of consequences.

"Leave him with me for a few hours, I'll teach him what a real man is." Zane sneered at the both of them. 

He stood up from his chair and lunged towards the both of them menacingly, pulling up short, just half a metre away from where they were crouching. Rhea closed her eyes and gripped onto Laken, waiting for the unfamiliar sound of skin on skin. She had her back turned towards him and just waited for a blow that never came. She turned and looked up, he just laughed as he stood over them. 

"I wasn't even gunna touch you." He laughed. "See scared"....

"It's ok sonson" she looked down at her boy, whispering.

"You two can be so pathetic sometimes.... so afraid.... even of your own shadows." He turned away from them.

A barely audible whimper escaped from him, as his face stayed nestled in the crook of her neck, while she remained kneeling down. Scooping him up in her protective embrace, she whipped around and used the opportunity to escape, carrying Laken straight through to the kitchen. She plopped him down on the breakfast stool at the bench, and smoothed his hair back, so he could see through the untamed curls, bouncing in front of his face.

"I hate it when he's home" Laken looked down, tears in his eyes. "Why is he so mean?"

"I know baby.... Me too." The question she couldn't honestly answer.She took his little hands in hers and knew what would cheer him up. 

"Pancakes!?''

His big brown eyes lit up, and he wiped his face and sat up straight. 

"With golden syrup mama?"

"Absolutely!"