Wrench

20 - What if...

Elie

I’m cold, dirty, tired, I feel sick from what happened to me in this room, and I want to die already. I’ve been here for hours, and no one has come to check on me. I want my mom so bad right now; I just want to see someone who doesn’t hate me, someone who will hold me and tell me they forgive me.

But what if Coral can’t forgive me for this?

Will it matter when I’m dead?

I huddle in my corner, arms around my knees, head tucked in them, as I rock back and forth. Being stuck in this room has given me a lot of time to think about things. It’s silly, really, but I’ve been thinking about school and my other best friend, Kilee. We had some fun times together, her and me. We weren’t popular or anything; we were low down in the food chain, but people mostly left us alone.

We partied together, hung out all the time, and listened to each other’s boy problems. She was like a sister to me. I wish I’d told Kilee about what I was up to while I was here. Hell, I wish I’d listened to her when she begged me not to go looking for my birth mother alone. If I had, none of this would’ve happened.

However, I’m young, and I thought I knew best. I thought I could come here, find my mother, and live happily ever after. I thought I could call Kilee and have her stay with us now and again, the way I wanted to with Sally when I introduced her to my mother and brother.

Why did I never do the same with Kilee?

Introduce them, I mean. I should have, and I will regret not doing so even in death.

Don’t get me wrong, I planned to, but then I got stupid and tried to act like a woman with many years of knowledge in making someone pay for their mistakes. When the truth is, I’m just a silly, almost twenty-year-old girl who knows nothing of the life I’ve found myself in. Damn, I almost made it to twenty.

Isn’t that the most ridiculous thought?

Finding out my mother wasn’t dead and getting to know her a little meant everything to me. She’s exactly who I always imagined she’d be – warm, kind, loving. I wanted Kilee to meet her, Stryker, and Mark, my special little man. Now, I’ll never even get to tell her about them. I’ll never get to tell her anything ever again.

I’m never going to see anyone I love again. There’s so much I didn’t say. There are so many things I need to tell them, but now I will never get to.

I don’t want to think about what that pig did to me in this room, but it’s all I can think about all of a sudden. I feel the effects of it all over my body. I haven’t been able to wash him off my skin, and I feel so sick. Not being able to scrub his touch off my body is making my stomach hurt. I can still smell him on my skin!

Did Shepard tell him to do that stuff to me as part of my punishment before they killed me?

Coral told me this club didn’t stand for that kind of thing, men raping women. I guess they lied to her because I know she wouldn’t lie to me.

I hug myself closer to the wall when the door swings open. I close my eyes as tightly as I can. I don’t want to die. God, I don’t, but I brought this on myself, and I need to be brave and face up to it. I wasn’t raised to hide from the things I’ve done. I was raised to face up to my problems, to own them and the mistakes I’ve made, only then will things get better. Not that what’s about to happen will get better. However, I will face it like an adult. Not sure I won’t piss my pants, though.

I can sense more than one man in the room; at least four or could be more. I am terrified of what they’re going to do to me.

“Elisha, get to your feet.” I’m shaking so fuckin.g badly, but I do as Shepard tells me, and I get to my feet, using the wall as my crutch. I don’t look at anyone; I keep my eyes downcast. “Look at me.”

Yeah, that’s just what I don’t want, but I do look at him. If he’s going to be the one to kill me, then I’ll look in his eyes when he does.

Even though I don’t look at anyone else, I can see them through the corners of my eyes, Jett, Red, BlackJack, Ace, Hammer, Tank, Hawk, and Ghost all standing around Shepard. Each one is here to see my end.

Wrench isn’t with them. He didn’t come to watch me die like he said he would, nor did Stryker. Unless Shepard is going to drag me outside and parade me in front of the whole club, make an example out of me. That would be just my luck. Die in a hail of humiliation.

Shepard’s eyes narrow as he looks at me.

God, do I look bad?

I tried to fix myself so no one would notice anything. Maybe I didn’t do a good enough job.

“Elisha, has something happened while you’ve been in this room?” I swallow hard and clutch at the wall behind me for support. “Elie, if anyone in this building came into this room without my permission...”

So he didn’t send that dic.k in here, he didn’t want that pig to hurt me like that. He went against the club, and he could be killed for that.

But they wouldn’t believe me after everything that happened, so I won’t say anything. It wouldn’t do me any good if I did. I would just look more like a silly, lying little girl.

“They didn’t,” I say quietly.

I don’t want anyone’s last memory of me to be that. Besides, I don’t want to be the reason this MC fights within itself. I remember Wrench telling me how these men are only strong if they’re on the same page. I won’t leave more mess behind me.

Even though I should tell them so that monster can be taken out before he hurts someone else. But like I just said, no one would believe me.

Shepard nods at me, but he seems unconvinced. Not my problem, I won’t tell him anything.

“Are you going to kill me now?”

“We’re not gonna kill you, Elie.”

They’re not?

I clutch tighter to the wall, scared to even swallow in case I’m wrong.

“What you did is really serious. You could’ve caused me to lose one of my best men.”

All I can do is nod my head. I’m too scared to do anything else.

“Luckily for you, my daughter isn’t an i***t. Right now, the only thing in your favor is that you asked her not to go through with what you wanted doing. Not that it would’ve happened anyway; you went to the wrong person.”

Yes, I know that now.

You should have known it to begin with!

“I thought we were friends, Elie.”

Hammer thought we were friends?

We’ve spoken a couple of times. Each time, I was plotting in my head how to end his miserable life.

“Your mother has been a good friend of mine, of all of ours, for many years. None of us want to cause her pain. Killin’ you would kill her. We’d lose Stryker, Wrench...”

Sure, they’d lose Wrench. He hates me with a passion.

Stryker?

I don’t know. I don’t know what would happen if they killed me here and now.

However, the fact is, they aren’t going to kill me, Shepard said so. But if they don’t, that means I have to live with the memory of what happened in this room. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to deal with that alone.

“I’m so sorry for what I did. I wasn’t thinking. I was lost, and...”

“I know.” I close my mouth as Hammer holds up his hand to silence me. “Believe me, I know. I let it go, Elie. I forgive you.” I close my eyes, and tears spill over my lashes. “No one is going to hold this against you. You have your mother to thank for that.” I nod and press my lips between my teeth. “We’re gonna let you go home with her.”

Oh God, I can go home! I don’t deserve Hammer’s kindness. The fact he is being so nice makes me feel so much worse.

“You can go home. But you’re gonna do somethin’ for me first.”

“What?” I ask quietly.

“You’re going to apologize to my wife for all the upset you’ve caused. You’re gonna stand there and listen to every damn word she has for you, and you’ll take it. Then, and only then, should Willow decide to forgive you, will you be allowed to go home with Coral.”

“What if...” I swallow hard, my eyes never leaving Hammer’s, the man willing to forgive me and let me go. After all the stories I’ve heard about him, the man he is when someone threatens him or his family, he’s not who I thought he was.

“My daughter is a very forgiving woman. You’ll be surprised.”

I nod at Shepard and wipe tears from my eyes. I’m being thrown a lifeline, and I am so grateful, but everything feels so hard right now. I’m not going to die, but I will be left with what happened in this room.

It’s not even half as much as you deserve, Elie. Think yourself lucky you are who you are. There’s no doubt that if you had ties only to Wrench, you would have been dead hours ago.

I can do this; I can beg for forgiveness. I can take whatever Willow has to give me. I deserve it. What I can’t take is the fact I know Wrench is done with me. I have lost the man I truly love. I can tell from the look in BlackJack’s sympathetic eyes. Why he would be sympathetic is beyond me.

I don’t understand any of what’s going on. Why these men are willing to let me go when I know, in my heart, most of them want nothing more than to kill me right here and right now.

I open my mouth to speak when I’m cut off by someone calling my name.

“Elisha!”

“Mom!” I have never called her that before, but it just came out. She pushes past those men like they are made of paper. I reach for her, and she grabs me, and I sob into her shoulder. “Mama,”

“Shh. It’s okay. I got you; Mommy’s got you.” She strokes the back of my hair. “Can I take her home now?”

“Not just yet, sweetheart. She needs to speak with Willow first.”

“Can’t it wait, Shepard? She’s exhausted. Let me take her home so she can sleep. I’ll bring her to speak with Willow...”

“No. She does this now. Once it’s over, it’s done with.”

“Okay,” I sense Coral’s smile, but I won’t look up. She’s grateful to be taking me home, and I’m grateful also. I’m more thankful to be alive.

I cling to my mother tightly as she walks me out of the dank prison cell. The light blinds me a little, and we walk the stairs and then the long corridor, I feel like I’m walking the green mile. I just have to tell myself it’ll be over soon. I’ve lost a lot over the past few hours, but I’m alive, and I will make things right.