Leveled Up Love

Chapter 2

Water, water everywhere, and most of it on the bathroom floor. Getting the faucet fixed was on Zack’s long list of things to do, but there was always something more important on that list – like the next Star Fury raid, a new book or Marvel movie, or the latest forum discussion on ship builds. Pretty much anything was more appealing than dealing with reality, and the virtual world had plenty to keep him busy. Since Star Fury released new weapon, armor, engine, and shield modules every month, the metagame constantly evolved. Sometimes drastically.

Zack shook his head, wincing at his hazy silhouette in the bathroom mirror as he dried off. He had never been particularly athletic, but at least in college he had been forced to walk to and from classes. Even if he did skip a good quarter of his classes – barely passing the attendance requirements for many – he had still left the doom room, burned some calories, and gotten some sun. Now that he was out of his teenage years, the calories he consumed on a daily basis had nowhere to go but to round out his soft stomach, and his skin was pasty from constantly being indoors. He put a hand on his stomach, jiggled it a bit, and winced.

“Not a pretty sight.”

Nothing.

Ever since Zack had taken off his OptiGlasses, those annoying notifications had disappeared. No matter what he did, DaEvo had refused to let him out of the house or turn on his computer, tablet, smartphone, or e-reader. So Zack had finally relented and taken a shower, which was how he found himself jiggling his paunch.

“Well, let’s see if this worked.”

Zack put on his OptiGlasses and waited. And waited.

“Damn it! I knew it was a scam.”

How a program was scamming him by making him shower, Zack wasn’t sure. Rather than follow that particular line of thought, Zack stalked out of his bathroom to the front door, turned the handle, and yanked on it. This time, he did receive a notification.

Warning! Minimum Public Decency Requirements Not Met

Warning! Minimum Public Decency Requirements Not MetWarning! Minimum Public Decency Requirements Not MetPlease dress yourself appropriately according to local public decency laws.

Please dress yourself appropriately according to local public decency laws.Enacting blackout protocols.

Enacting blackout protocols.“Blackout…”

As Zack wondered what the words meant, the windows darkened, making the mid-day sun disappear behind the now-darkened windows. In response to the lowered lighting threshold, his smart lights turned on, bathing him in a pleasant yellow glow.

“A little buggy, aren’t you?” Zack snarled, not expecting a reply.

The app chimed cheerfully through his glasses.

Your alpha test bug report has been logged.

Your alpha test bug report has been logged.Your alpha test bug report has been logged.Thank you for your help in making DaEvo a success!

Thank you for your help in making DaEvo a success!When the app offered no further explanation, Zack stomped back to his room in search of clothes. He snatched up the first T-shirt he saw, only to pause with his hands above his head as another notification floated across the lenses.

Warning! Current chosen wear does not meet minimum hygiene standards.

Warning! Current chosen wear does not meet minimum hygiene standards.Warning! Current chosen wear does not meet minimum hygiene standards.Please select an article of clothing that has been freshly laundered or has an olfactory factor

Please select an article of clothing that has been freshly laundered or has an olfactory factor “It’s fine. It doesn’t smell that bad!” Zack huffed and continued pulling on his shirt.

Another message appeared.

Continuing your current actions will result in the failure of your current quest (Meet Minimum Hygiene Standards).

Continuing your current actions will result in the failure of your current quest (Meet Minimum Hygiene Standards).Continuing your current actions will result in the failure of your current quest (Meet Minimum Hygiene Standards).Quest Failure Penalty: Restricted access to external environment.

Quest Failure Penalty: Restricted access to external environment.For a second, Zack’s stubbornness at being told what to do warred with the reality of the situation. In the end, he pulled off the shirt, almost knocking off the glasses in his haste. Tossing the clothing to the corner, Zack spent the next twenty minutes searching for something that met DaEvo’s standards. All the while cursing his need to get the best gadgets—including the luxury, limited edition OptiGlass suite that included an olfactory sensor. What the hell did he need an olfactory sensor on his AR glasses for!?!

Zack cursed out past-Zack as he searched. This was ridiculous. He needed to get through this and pretend to learn whatever lesson Phil was trying to teach him so he could get back to Star Fury. The first tournament round was fast approaching, and he was supposed to be warming up with his team.

Finally, he found some long-forgotten clothes under his bed that didn’t offend DaEvo’s olfactory standards and put them on. When nothing happened, he moved to study himself in the full-length mirror that had come with his condo to see what the app could possibly object to now.

He wore a geeky gamer T-shirt that said “My brain has too many tabs open” that he’d picked up at some vintage store and a pair of entirely too tight jeans that he had bought while in college. The ill-fitting clothes made him look even more out of shape than he actually was, pushing his stomach up into a sort of mushroom shape. At least, Zack mused as he stroked his chin, he still had his boyish good looks. Even if he did need a shave and a haircut. He may not look great, but it was the most presentable he had looked since he began training for the tournament.

DaEvo seemed to agree. The app flashed a new notification on his OptiGlasses.

Success! Minimum Hygiene Requirements Met!

Success! Minimum Hygiene Requirements Met!Success! Minimum Hygiene Requirements Met!Reward provided. User now has access to external environment via front door.

Reward provided. User now has access to external environment via front door.Starting dataset for user has been fully loaded.

Starting dataset for user has been fully loaded.Starting dataset for user has been fully loaded.Would you like to see your starting attributes?

Would you like to see your starting attributes?(Y/N)

(Y/N)A small blinking cursor followed his gaze. Having played a few rather poorly programmed games for his Augmented Reality glasses, Zack knew exactly what to do. He turned his gaze to the yes button, letting his eyes rest on it until the cursor depressed. In return, a new screen formed on the glasses.

Zack Moore Current Attributes (Social Level 8)

Zack Moore Current Attributes (Social Level 8)Zack Moore Current Attributes (Social Level 8)Physique: 31

Physique: 31Style: 19

Style: 19Reputation: -18

Reputation: -18Occupation: 0

Occupation: 0“Stats?” Zack muttered, a side of his mouth turning up in spite of everything.

He liked stats. He loved stats. They were one of the few things in life that made sense and one of the reasons Zack loved Star Fury. It was a game filled with numbers, from fire rate to turret momentum, relative velocities and turning angles. Unlike the real world, numbers never lied. They never broke your heart by dying in a car crash in the middle of the night.

“Those numbers seem low. Is this out of a hundred? A thousand? Arithmetic, geometric, or logarithmic progressions?”

DaEvo chimed.

Attributes are calculated based on current shown variables and arithmetically allocated on a scale of one hundred.

Attributes are calculated based on current shown variables and arithmetically allocated on a scale of one hundred.Attributes are calculated based on current shown variables and arithmetically allocated on a scale of one hundred.“Oh good, someone did program a basic help file.” Zack paused, then repeated, “Help? Index? Settings?” Getting no answer, Zack huffed and tried the last, dreaded word for any real gamer. “Tutorial?”

Tutorial files are still under development and will be added as soon as they are completed. DaEvo thanks you for your patience!

Tutorial files are still under development and will be added as soon as they are completed. DaEvo thanks you for your patience!Tutorial files are still under development and will be added as soon as they are completed. DaEvo thanks you for your patience!Unsure if he should feel relieved or disappointed, Zack shrugged. “Right. Based off a scale of one hundred, we’ll assume fifty is the average. Whose average, we won’t ask, because I’m certainly not a level eight compared to the average American.”

Talking to himself was a habit he had grown into over the last few years. It helped him think and filled his apartment with noise.

“Either way, fifty is probably the ‘passing mark’ in this stupid software. That means I’m failing in all aspects, especially Reputation.” The app gave no answer, so Zack spoke again to prompt it. “Display Reputation calculation.”

Due to proprietary algorithms, calculations on all attributes are not provided.

Due to proprietary algorithms, calculations on all attributes are not provided.Due to proprietary algorithms, calculations on all attributes are not provided.“That’s because you’re a half-finished pile of drone waste!”

Your alpha test bug report has been logged.

Your alpha test bug report has been logged.Your alpha test bug report has been logged.Thank you for your help in making DaEvo a success!

Thank you for your help in making DaEvo a success!“Fine. Whatever. I can get out the door now. But how do I gain access to my computer?”

DaEvo Life and Dating Protocols Initiated.

DaEvo Life and Dating Protocols Initiated.DaEvo Life and Dating Protocols Initiated.Quests initiated…

Quests initiated…Abort

AbortZack Moore protocols in use.

Zack Moore protocols in use.Searching…

Searching…Quest Found!

Quest Found!Quest Found!Hold a conversation with a woman face-to-face!

Hold a conversation with a woman face-to-face!Restrictions: In-person. Non-VR generated. Unpaid interaction.

Restrictions: In-person. Non-VR generated. Unpaid interaction.Difficulty: Variable

Difficulty: VariableReward: Access to electronics and internet

Reward: Access to electronics and internetAccept Quest?

Accept Quest?Accept Quest?Zack stared at the words. Talk to a woman?

“What kind of a quest is that? Why does that matter?”

In response to his question, a flood of pink hearts and script text covered his OptiGlass screen. The cheesy music blasted through his headset as an enthusiastic voice read the text out loud.

“Dating Evolution is the next generation of relationship gaming with a real-world twist! Did you ever wish your online skills translated into the real world? Now they can! Follow our quests to level up your love life and earn real life rewards!”

“Dating Evolution is the next generation of relationship gaming with a real-world twist! Did you ever wish your online skills translated into the real world? Now they can! Follow our quests to level up your love life and earn real life rewards!”The music cut off abruptly, as if the composer hadn’t had time to write an ending, and the pink hearts disappeared. Zack blinked. A dating sim. Phil had trapped him in an augmented reality dating sim.

Zack swore and stomped around the room, kicking discarded clothing and garbage as he vented his fury. Of all the games he could be caught in, why did it have to be a dating sim? What real gamer would ever play a dating sim? Certainly not Zack. Those were for teenage girls and hopeless romantics.

Damn. This was bad.

“So if I talk to a woman for a minute, you’ll give me access to my computers again?”

Instead of responding, DaEvo flashed the quest prompt again.

Quest Found!

Quest Found!Quest Found!Hold a conversation with a woman face-to-face!

Hold a conversation with a woman face-to-face!Restrictions: In-person. Non-VR generated. Unpaid interaction.

Restrictions: In-person. Non-VR generated. Unpaid interaction.Difficulty: Variable

Difficulty: VariableReward: Access to electronics and internet

Reward: Access to electronics and internetAccept Quest?

Accept Quest?Accept Quest?Zack glanced at the clock in the corner of his OptiGlass display. He was scheduled to meet his team for warmups in twenty minutes and had no way to contact them since DaEvo had restricted his electronics use. No way to ask for help out of the situation or explain why he was late.

And if he didn’t fix this fast, he would miss the first round of the tournament completely.

Phil had left him no choice. He had to fulfill the quest to get his electronics back. Zack gritted his teeth and swore to fire the trustee as soon as he was able to communicate with the outside world again.

“Accept Quest.”

DaEvo chimed, and a heart icon labeled “Active Quests” appeared in the corner of Zack’s screen.

Twenty minutes until warmups, and he needed to complete a one-minute conversation to earn the privilege of using his electronics.

In theory, he had time for twenty conversations, but first he had to find a woman.

That was a pain, but not too difficult all things considered. Find a woman. Talk to her. Then he would have his electronic access back and this nightmare would end. Phil would have had his little joke and could go back to managing the trust from afar and letting Zack do whatever he wanted.

Right now, he wanted to play Star Fury and find a good lawyer to see about firing Phil. But Star Fury had priority.

Resolved, Zack pulled on a pair of sneakers and walked to the door. He typed in the code, then hesitated before resolutely pushing down on the handle. It turned. Letting out a surreptitious breath of relief, Zack walked out of his apartment for the first time in months. The smart locks clicked the bolt back into place as the door closed behind him.

Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten everything wired up. But it had seemed like a good idea at the time…