1. Ready To Die
1458 Words
NATALIE
"God damn you, Paul, how dare you do this to me!"
The old woman beside me on the bus glanced over. We were on the double seat, and I was by the window, yelling at my good-for-nothing ex-boyfriend. I could tell she was judging me, but I didn't care.
I was seething with rage at the worthless man I was talking to on the phone. I couldn't even fathom how I'd fallen for such a lazy, womanizing son of a b***h. He caused me so much stress and depression with his cheating that it affected my job and my side hustles.
I thought it was over, that my foolishness was done. But it wasn't, because I couldn't get my things from the apartment. A few days after I left, Paul also left. Of course, he couldn't afford the rent alone since he didn't have a stable job, so the idiot just left. And there was no way I was going back to that apartment, because that's where I caught him with his side chick. Yeah, Paul dared to bring his woman to our place, to our bed.
I couldn't get my things because the landlord had locked the place up. And I was shocked by what he told me.
"Sorry, Natalie, if it were up to me, I'd let you pay your rent in installments, considering what your partner did to you. But the problem is my wife. Just come back when you can pay the full three months' worth," Mr. Reyes said, giving me a look of pity.
I was mortified to hear my landlord's words. I had really lost it when I caught Paul in the act, so everyone in the apartment building heard our screaming. And now this problem was added to the pile. Suddenly, I was in debt without even knowing it.
Three months? What the fùck!
I trusted Paul with everything I had: my body, my heart, and my money.
Paul didn't have a stable job; he just worked part-time as an usher at an events company that only launched high-end products, and they rarely had clients. Maybe he worked two to three times a month. He didn't want to apply for just any job; he only wanted his sideline because he said his looks and charisma were suited for it. Back then, I was blinded and agreed with him because Paul really is a handsome man, and I loved him. And when he did his sideline, he earned a lot in tips, sometimes up to twenty thousand, and he'd bring me expensive things and food, and I was happy with that.
Stupid love!
I was blinded by love back then, so I just let him be, and I became the provider for both of us. It's embarrassing to admit, but it's true. I was like a sugar mommy in our relationship because I single-handedly paid the rent for the apartment we lived in, and now I find out he wasn't paying it.
Yeah, I was the one who told him to pay the bills and buy groceries. In short, our roles were reversed. I was the one who worked and made money, and he was the one who managed the household. But I never made him feel like I was dominant in our relationship.
I never scrimped on him for anything. Whenever I wanted to buy something for myself, like new clothes or shoes, I made sure he got something too. I really thought he was my forever because I got used to it, and I accepted the setup of our relationship. After all, it's modern times, and our setup isn't new anymore. I can say there were times I struggled financially, but I always found a way, and we managed to get by because, aside from my full-time job as an office worker, I also had online writing side jobs that I did during my free time.
But I was wrong. I thought we were okay, but despite all my efforts, he still wasn't content with the life we had, so he decided to cheat on me.
Regret really does come at the end. Living with Paul was the stupidest decision I've ever made in my life.
Three months, f*****g three months?! If I remember right, that's when I started noticing he was getting cold towards me. It felt like something was off. I kept asking him if there was a problem, but he always said there wasn't, and our intimate moments became rare, so I started to feel depressed. I kept overthinking that maybe he had fallen out of love with me, which turned out to be true.
So here I am, fuming, because all sorts of bad thoughts are running through my head. I can't help but think that maybe he used the money for his other woman, so I called him. Aside from the heartbreak he caused, I'm also completely drained. I have no money to pay for the three months' rent debt that shouldn't even be my responsibility in the first place - he should be the one to pay.
"Wow, babe, after you left me, that's the first thing you say to me?" Paul said, and I even heard him yawn.
Looks like my lazy, lying, cheating, scammer EX just woke up.
Damn it, who wouldn't curse at this bastard! He just woke up while I'm already on the bus on my way to work, slaving away.
I can't help but think that if I hadn't lived with him, maybe I would have saved a lot, maybe I could have availed a rent-to-own condo, bought a car, and had a lot of money in the bank, but I couldn't do that because I supported him and gave in to his whims.
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you up? I just wanted to let you know that, aside from cheating on me, you also did something that would add up to ruining my life. You f*****g liar - you didn't just fail to pay three months' rent, which I never missed giving you, and now I have no money to pay our landlord because I'm completely drained. I have nothing left, maybe you could pay it, since you lived there too!" I said angrily.
If I could just go through the phone and slap him, I would have.
"We can still live there together, come on, babe, let's get back together. Please believe me, that woman just seduced me, I don't love her, it was just s*x, no feelings, please, babe." He said in a pleading voice.
"Babe, who are you talking to?" I heard a woman's voice in the background.
My jaw dropped when I heard that. The motherfucking lying son of a b***h! The audacity. He tried to convince me to get back together while his new girl was with him.
"No one, just someone selling insurance!" I heard Paul say to the woman, so I decided to end the call.
I felt so stupid for even thinking of calling him when I knew nothing good would come out of it. I just looked out the window while wiping my tears. I told myself I wouldn't cry anymore, but damn, it hurts, it really hurts because of what happened to me.
While I was looking at the cars moving along the road, I was thinking about how I would start over. Not only is my heart completely shattered, but I’m also completely broke.
I’m currently staying at a friend’s place, and I feel embarrassed to go back home to my family. They warned me about Paul, but I didn’t listen to them, and I did what I wanted, and they hated me, my family hates me, especially my mom.
While I was feeling emotional, I started to notice the bus was speeding up, and I grabbed onto the handle of the seat in front of me.
"Sir, you’re driving too fast," I heard a passenger complain.
"Hold on tight, we’ve lost our brakes!" The bus driver shouted, which made everyone on board panic.
I looked at the old woman beside me and saw that she was already holding a rosary and seemed to be starting to pray. All I could hear inside the bus was cries, screams, and prayers as the bus sped up.
Oh, God! Am I going to die? You know what, maybe this is my fate. In situations like this, some survive, and some don’t, but with everything that’s happened in my life, whatever happens, happens.
I’m going to turn 30 years old, I have no house, no one to love, and no savings... and I’m ready to die.
And then we slammed into something hard, and darkness consumed me.
- Writer
