Chapter 8
1851 Words
She’s sitting in class, but nothing is registering. Her eyes are focused on Jayden as he walks around, giving his lecture, but her mind? Her mind is elsewhere. Way, way off in some crazy universe where she’s battling a storm of emotions.
"Okay, okay, Sophia, get it together. Just breathe. Breathe," she tells herself internally, but her thoughts keep racing.
What is wrong with me? Why can't I stop thinking about him?
Her eyes dart to Jayden again, and she catches herself—completely staring at him. "Seriously, girl, pull it together. It's just a guy, it's just a guy. Yeah, a really hot, insanely good-looking guy, but just a guy!"
But then the thoughts keep spiraling. Maybe he’s over me... Maybe he doesn’t even think about me anymore. Maybe I’m just... another girlto him. Maybe it was all a game to him. Oh my god, what if he was just playing around? She feels a wave of frustration and confusion.
No, no, no! I can’t think like this. He can’t be over me. We had that moment at the park. It meant something, right? But then... why is he so distant now? I thought it was mutual!
Her chest tightens. She shifts in her seat, trying to concentrate on what Jayden’s saying, but it’s impossible. I need to stop being dramatic. Why am I doing this to myself? I’m supposed to be strong, not a mess over some guy. What am I, a schoolgirl in love? This is crazy.
Her mind spirals further. Okay, but maybe... just maybe... he’s thinking about me too? Maybe he’s waiting for me to make the move? No, no, no. That’s crazy. I can’t be the one to text first. I’m not that type of girl. He’s the one who should—oh my god, I didn't reply, And so? I can’t believe I’m even thinking this.
Her thoughts bounce from one extreme to the next. Maybe he’s busy. Maybe he’s not texting me because he’s got other girls after him. Maybe I’m just... one of them. Oh my god, I can’t even breathe thinking about it.
Sophia rolls her eyes at herself, but it doesn’t stop the chaos inside. What is this? Why can’t I stop thinking about him? Is this what being... obsessed is like? Oh my god, I’m obsessed!
The panic starts to set in, and she presses her hands to her forehead. She wants to cry, butnot here, not in class. I’m losing my mind. Why is he on my mind 24/7? I’ve never felt like this. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m slowly disappearing into this insane fantasy where he’s the only thing that matters.
Then she catches herself—Wait. What if... what if he thinks I’m the one who’s not interested? Maybe I gave him mixed signals. Maybe he thinks I’m some cold, heartless girl who can’t be bothered. Oh my god he freaking gave me head, what if he thinks I hate him now? Why would I hate the fact that he sucked my p***y.
Her stomach twists. No, no, no! Why am I doing this? Why am I torturing myself? Why am I even waiting for him to text me again?
She starts pacing in her mind. But what if he thinks I'm just another girl who wants attention? No, I can’t be that... I’m better than that, right?
Her mind then shifts again. What am I even doing? He’s a professor. I’m his student. This is... complicated. But why am I acting like this? Why does it feel like I’m drowning in thoughts of him?
She takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself. Get it together, Sophia. Amelia’s not even here to give me her “girl talk.” She’s back home, dealing with her own stuff, and I’m left here, in my head, spiraling.
Her phone vibrates, and she glances at it, hoping for a message. Her heart skips a beat, but it’s just another notification about something unimportant. Oh my god. Is he even thinking about me? Does he even care?
The thoughts keep coming. What if... what if he doesn’t like me the way I thought he did? What if it was all in my head? Maybe I’m just some silly girl who’s... getting too attached, who runs away when you've been given head "she thought".
She stands up suddenly, as if the movement will shake away her emotions. But the thoughts just get louder. I need him. I don’t care how crazy it sounds—I can’t stop thinking about him. What do I do now? Why am I letting this happen?
She laughs weakly, but there’s no humor in it. Okay, I’m officially losing it. This is the kind of drama that only happens in movies.
Her phone pings again, and this time, she holds her breath. It’s just Amelia, texting to check in, asking if she’s okay. “Amelia... you’re not here. I need you. Why am I so messed up? Why am I letting this happen?”
She falls back onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling, willing the storm in her mind to stop. But it doesn’t. It never does.
I need to get out of my head. I need to stop overthinking this. I need to forget about Jayden. But I can’t. I just can’t.
Two days have passed since the mental chaos in her mind, and yet... Jayden is still all she can think about. Her thoughts are no longer fleeting—it's as if she's become obsessed with him, and it’s driving her crazy. As she walks into the classroom that morning, she sees him standing at the front, all collected and calm as usual, as if everything is just another normal day. And yet, to her, everything feels like it’s spiraling out of control.
She finds her seat, trying not to make eye contact with him, but her heart is racing in her chest. What if he notices that I’m avoiding him? What if he thinks I hate him? But then... maybe he doesn't care. Maybe he’s already moved on, and she’s just a blip on his radar. That thought stings, but she can’t let it show.
She’s gripping the edge of her desk, fingers tight, when she feels him look in her direction. Oh god. She freezes, heart skipping a beat. Does he know? Does he see through my act?
But then—just as quickly as it happens—his eyes move away, and the lecture continues. Sophia sighs in relief, only to feel a pang of disappointment. Why does it matter so much to me? Why do I care if he looks at me or not?
Her thoughts go haywire again. I need to stop. I just need to stop. He’s a professor. I’m a student. There’s no chance... right? But she can’t help herself. She catches herself sneaking glances at him. Why does he have this effect on me?
Halfway through the lecture, her phone buzzes. It’s a message from Amelia. She breathes out a little sigh of relief. Finally, someone to talk to.
Amelia: How are you doing? Is Jayden still on your mind?
Sophia’s fingers hover over the keyboard for a moment, before typing back, "Amelia, he’s literally all I think about. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know why I’m like this. I think I’m losing it."
A few seconds pass before Amelia’s reply comes in. "You’re not losing it, Sophia. But maybe it’s time to face the fact that you care about him. Maybe it’s time to talk to him."
Sophia reads the message, her heart pounding faster than before. Talk to him? Her stomach flips at the thought. But what do I even say? “Hey, I’ve been thinking about that kiss and the park... oh, and how crazy you make me feel now?” She laughs awkwardly, but the feeling isn’t funny anymore. It’s terrifying.
She quickly types, "I can’t. I’ve been avoiding him. I think he thinks I’m weird. He probably wants nothing to do with me."
But Amelia’s reply is blunt and to the point. "You’re both overthinking this. Do you want him, or not?"
Sophia bites her lip, a sudden wave of courage washing over her. Do I want him?
She glances at Jayden, who’s still teaching, his voice calm, his posture confident. Her heart races again, and she knows the answer. Yes. I do. I want him. More than I should.
And just as she’s about to type a response, the unthinkable happens—Jayden calls on her. "Sophia, would you mind answering the next question?"
Sophia's entire body freezes, her mouth goes dry, and all eyes are on her. Oh god, why now? She quickly scrambles for an answer, but her mind is in total chaos. Her palms are sweaty. Her heart is pounding. It’s like the universe is playing a cruel joke on her, putting her on the spot just when she’s trying to avoid him.
She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.
"Take your time," Jayden says softly, his gaze not unkind. "It’s okay."
The room is still. Sophia’s heartbeat echoes in her ears. She could feel everyone staring, but all she could focus on was his eyes on her—those eyes that have been haunting her thoughts for days.
And just as she’s about to answer, she catches herself. What am I doing? She exhales a shaky breath. Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Without realizing it, she says the first thing that comes to her mind, "I... um, I just... I... I think we’re all overthinking this." Her voice trails off awkwardly, and she gives a half-smile, fully aware that she’s not making any sense.
Jayden looks at her curiously, but the room is silent, waiting for her to elaborate.
Her brain starts racing. Why did I just say that?
She feels heat rise to her cheeks. Everyone is looking at her. Why is this so hard? She wants to scream. Why does this feel like such a big deal?
But Jayden smiles faintly, that knowing look in his eyes. "Yeah, maybe we all are," he says lightly, a small laugh escaping his lips. And then he continues with the class, just as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.
Sophia slumps in her seat, heart still thumping wildly in her chest. What the hell just happened?
- Writer
