A Christmas Contract

Chapter 1

I always wondered why medical facilities chooses white walls. Is it supposed to be calming for the people that come in? Oftentimes to receive news they would rather not.

I for one, do not feel calm. I feel like I’m in the waiting room for the afterlife. Waiting for my number to be called, or better yet my name. It’s giving me anxiety just sitting here. I look around the waiting room at all the people here. No one is smiling despite the Christmas holiday spirit around us. Forlorn faces everywhere. There’s Christmas music playing through some hidden speakers, and the decorations are gaudy to say the least.

I readjust myself in a seat that is clearly is for aesthetic and not comfort. My appointment was supposed to start fifteen minutes ago. The long wait is making me more anxious by the second. I’m surprised I still have a bottom lip left as much as I’ve been biting it. My leg also won’t seem to quit bouncing. It has had its own mind since I sat down after checking in.

I have the right mind to just bolt out of here, results unknown. I dismiss the thought as soon as it comes. My mind would never let me go on wondering like that. So, my fate is sealed and I wait.

“Sheila Banders!” I hear my name called.

To the left is a small women in scrubs holding a door open with a clipboard in her hand. She has to be in her late forties I presume.

Sighing, I lift myself from the chair. I walk towards her with fake confidence. The smile she is wearing should be welcoming. For me it is not. I know that smile. It’s the smiling of knowing someone is going to hear something that will change their lives forever, and you want to be a happy face in the midst of their chaos.

She can keep that smile, I think to myself as I walk past her through the doorway. I just want to get this over with. No fake smiles or cheeriness. I’m lead into a small room with an examination table and white cabinets. That daunting white again.

“Please have seat on the table, the doctor will be in shortly” she’s says while waiting for me to get situated. “Can I get you anything while you wait?”

“Um yea some water please” I request.

Suddenly my mouth has gone dry.

“Sure thing, give me just a moment” she says while backing out of the room and closing the door.

I’ve never been one to be claustrophobic, but the walls seem really close right now. I do a small count backwards from ten to calm my nerves. The nurse enters the room again within a few moments and hands me a small white paper cup.

“Thanks” I force out before she leaves me to sit in the room alone again.

I take a small sip of the water to wet my mouth. The cold liquid offering me no reprieve.

About ten minutes later, I hear a knock at the door. The doctor enters the exam room. His face is unreadable. I think this the moment when I knew it wasn’t going to go well. Straightening my spine, I prepare for whatever comes next.

“Ms. Banders I have your results” he says, his mouth cutting into a thin line.

“Ok, give it to me straight doc” I say.

“The results showed that the mass is cancerous”

Everything stops for me. I can see his mouth still moving. I’m sure he’s offering me some type of comfort or next steps. I hear none of it. The only sounds I hear in the present moment is the blood rushing through my hears. Maybe the faint sound of my heartbeat. I thought I was prepared for every possible scenario. Rehearsed it in my head a thousand times even. The moment in real life is so much different. There is no adequate preparation for it.

…

An hour later I’m sitting at home at my kitchen island. I don’t quite remember the rest of the appointment. It’s kind of a blur to me. I have went through a series of emotions since then. Anger being the strongest. I went thru so much to get myself where I am today. My childhood was crap to say the least. My parents were terrible examples on how one should live their lives, or be married for that matter. I was determined to make my life so far apart from them. I even went so far as to move states. It landed me in this cute little town I’ve come to call home. Even making a pretty decent living and career for myself. To think it will all end so abruptly makes me angry. It seemed unfair. The powers above must like putting their magnifying glasses in me. Watching me squirm through. Only moving it to give a false sense of peace.

Getting down from my stool, I walk over to the cabinet. Opening it, I pull down a glass. Walking over a couple of steps, opening another and pulling out the bottle of tequila. I’m not usually much of a drinker, but I think the moment calls for it. I set the glass on the counter while I open the bottle. Once I get the bottle open, I position it to more the gold contents into the cup. Deciding different in that moment. Now is not the time to be proper. I’m drinking straight from the bottle. Why bother with a cup?

I take a long swig from it bottle, while walking around the island. The liquid burns as it coats my throat. It’s warm as it settles in my stomach. The stack of pamphlets sitting on the edge catch my eye. I threw them there haphazardly when I came in. No better time like the present to look through them. I take a seat again as I shuffle through them, intermittently taking sips from the bottle in my hand. They’re all information on different types of treatment available to me. I browse through each one. Not really taking in any information I read. About halfway through the pile, I pick up a flyer. I faintly remember it being handed to me as I walked down the street from the clinic while trying to gather my thoughts. I absentmindedly added to the stack without a second glance. It was for some type of Christmas themed party at a local club. They wanted everyone in attendance to dress in holiday theme. How do you dress in Christmas holiday theme? I sat the flyer to the side, deciding it was not an event I was interested in going to. I’m not a homebody, but I was much in the Christmas spirit at the moment.

I spent another thirty minutes picking the flyer back up only to sit it down again. The liquor I’ve been sipping on starting to set in. Maybe I should go. My foreseeable future doesn’t look to promising, and I’m not quite sure I wanted to spend the last of it wallowing in misery. I look over at the call on the wall. The event starts in two hours. That should give me enough time to find something to wear. An impromptu shopping trip is exactly what I needed right now.

An hour and a half later I stared at myself in my full length mirror. The outfit was cute. A little shorter than I liked, but what the hell. I finished off my ensemble with some red earrings and a pair of red heels. I booked a ride to the venue and waited. I definitely was not going to be able to drive tonight.