Beautiful Scars

ERYL JONES

Eryl Jones is my long time boyfriend. He is 25 years of age, 6’3 tall, and a good-looking Civil Engineer. Our relationship started as good friends way back in high school. We had a lot of dreams as a couple and I really wanted to start a family with him as soon as possible. And yeah of course we had a lot of s*x. Yes, a lot.

I remember the first time we had s*x in his room and luckily, his mother caught us…

Circa August 2011.

“Hey! Did you lock the door?” I asked him.

“Yes, I think so? Let's continue for God's sake! He replied loudly.

We continued our love making, and while I was about to finish, her mother opened the door and boom! She literally caught us doing some baby. She was stunned to see us having s*x, I remembered her shouted at us and throws a lot of condoms at Eryl’s face. As she saw me naked, then his mother accidentally noticed my underboob tattoo…

“Is it real, Carlen?” She asked.

“Which one, Mrs. Jones, my boobs or my underboob tattoo?” I replied.

“Of course the tattoo! I know your boobs are bigger than mine!” She anxiously replied.

“Of course it was real, Mrs. Jones, it is your only son’s name under my boob” I said.

“Come on! I get it! For God’s sake, he’s about to see that everytime he is sucking your big t**s. Good for you both huh?! Sorry to interrupt your lovemaking, I gotta go!” Mrs. Jones replied.

Mrs. Jones is working from home; she is a Lawyer by profession. Yes, she's some kind of a nagging mother but she really supported me and Eryl on doing things that will make us both happy ever since we’re in high school. On the other hand, Eryl’s father is the complete opposite of his mother. That is why I guess they got separated.

Eryl is a product of a broken family, but that doesn't make him any less of a person. He is the most loving and caring man a girl could ever ask for. He loves his mom as much as he loves me. He is almost perfect but not quite. He also has a huge heart and a huge d**k, lucky me, right? Haha!

Kidding aside, I always wanted to make him feel loved.

Falling for him was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. I will always be glad for him — for the way he came around and showed me the kind of man I didn’t believe in does exist, for the way he held me in the dark, for the way he kept me safe and let me be wild and for the way we sat in his car and talked about how being apart was stupid, how we cared too much to walk away, about what had gone wrong, and we kissed like we had a thousand times before.

Next to him, I slept soundly, deeply and comfortably. It was unfamiliar and welcome. He made me start to believe in possibilities I’d entirely closed myself off to, as you would carefully suggest that you might want them yourself. I started to rethink. I started to re-imagine. In a world that teaches us to love with only half of our heart, I don’t do that sort of thing. I’m the woman who will love him in ways he never knew possible. I’ll be faithful, and expect nothing less in return. He has my entire heart. He will be my one and my only, and I expect the same commitment from him.

He makes me a better person, indeed! He forces me to challenge myself, individually and in our relationship. I have the tendency to quit or give up easily and he pushes me to keep going, no matter how small and unimportant or big and meaningful it is. He always encourages me to do well and to make the best choices.

But as blind as I was, I'm extremely glad that he stumbled into my weird little life and that he became such a big part of it. There are so many wonderful things to thank him for that I don't even know where to begin. Words will never do it justice, but a girl can try, right?

Circa 2012.

I wrote him a card for our first Anniversary…

Hey Mr. Jones!

I love you with all my heart, okay? I will give you my very best and of course my worst.I hope that you will love me at both. All I expect from you is your love, respect, loyalty and honesty. I know that seems like a lot to ask, but at the end of the day I want your real love, your full respect and of course your loyalty and honesty. I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am without you having been by my side. You’re my boyfriend for sure, but really my best friend and I will always love you and everything you do for me. You are a huge part of me, not just my life. My heart skips a beat when I’m with you or simply when I am thinking of you and I wouldn’t replace the love and what it gives me for anything in the world.

Through your words, actions, or when I catch you staring at me when you thought I wasn’t paying any attention, I feel special, appreciated, trusted, desired, and so loved. And I love you back, more than there are stars in this universe, more than the energy I have in me to try and show or tell you. It comes across as effortless, the way we are so happy together, filling every moment being ourselves, yet it's one of the most rewarding things I have in my life.

I can truly say that before anything else, you are my best friend, and I think that our strong foundation is what I cherish the most.

It's easy to call you my boyfriend (at least that's what f*******: says you are). But, above all, I think you're much more than that. You're my partner in crime, my dinner date, my pillow, my cheerleader, my confidant, and most importantly, my best friend. Although I couldn't see you coming, I am eternally grateful that you're in my life today. Wherever the road takes us, I'm glad that I got to walk down that road with you, creating so many beautiful memories along the way.

Though, it’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at it. Getting hurt means I’m taking the right chances, for something I want. But I’m willing to work for the relationship we both deserve. I know love can be the best thing we have in life. I’m willing to take chances. I’m willing to risk getting hurt. We both know that love is a bit of gambling and I’ll be the first to admit, I love playing games. But I promise you, I’ll play the right game. I’ll never play you, my love. I’ll never not take your feelings into consideration. I’ll never intentionally hurt you. I’m a straight shooter, in a world full of liars. Of the many things I’m good at, the best is how I love. And believe me when I say I LOVE YOU; In ways you’ve never been loved and for longer you think you deserved. And now, all I need is for you to trust me even though I’m difficult and hard to love. I want you to be ready for war because I AM WORTH IT.

It is really great to know that you're willing to discuss your life and some of your deepest secrets with me. I'll always do my best to listen, help, and talk you through whatever it is you're thinking about, and I know that you would do the same in return. You have allowed me into your heart and mind, which is a wonderful privilege.

You are my home. You are the only person I always want to return to at the end of the day. My heart has always been with you. And I hope you find a home somewhere within my heart too because it is there that I’d very much like for you to stay.

Happy First Anniversary, My Love!

In my own world, I’ve struggled with allowing people to really know me because for most of my life, it felt as though I was burned every time I did, but then I realized that life never gives us the same chance twice and our destinations never stay the same, we are here to learn that we will always recover as long as we have ourselves. Then there came a point where, slowly but surely, he began to enter my life, he showed me what it meant to be able to trust again- trust him to show up, trust him to listen, trust him with commitments and the biggest one of all, to trust him with my heart.

I have to accept that my past is not my present; I have to recognize that what hurt me before is not necessarily what is currently standing before me.