The art of dessert

Preparing

Prepping food and my heart. 

Two days to get everything ready is a stretch but I know I can do it. I've made my list, got everything I needed it was just a matter of actually starting. When I would deliver papers I would always push myself to finish faster then I did the week before. That's the competitive spirit that I can't turn off. Luke would always tell me that not everything was a race or competition, and if kept living that way then I would miss out on some of the greatest things in life. I still remind myself that a lot. Being alone became harder when I had Luke, I would always look out for him and wait for him to come see me. I would never dare to look for him at his house, I was afraid that I would get in trouble by his mom. Maybe I was afraid of adults but I knew Luke was my safe place. I honestly thought there would be a permanent flick mark on my forehead from Luke telling me I was overthinking, being mean about myself, or being all around scared. He was brave, I don't even know if he knew how to be scared. I still wonder if he was scared the day he died. 

"Kiki I swear i'll flick your brain if you say dumb things like that again" Luke scolded 

"But it's true, there going to take me back to my dad if they ever find me" 

"How could they take you away with me here?" he said with a raised eye brow. "I'll never let anyone take you away or hurt you again'' he said seriously "I mean my flick is getting powerful too, I'll just blow everyone away with my super flick and save the day'' he was standing up in his superman pose with a giant smile. I love his smile. That smile was my home, was my heart, was my breath. Without it I couldn't live. 

''Fine don't listen to me, but I'm telling you it could happen" I say with a shrug. 

"Then i'll find you and bring you back'' 

''Ok super L" I say making a L with my finger and thumb on my forehead while sticking my tongue out at him. 

"I'll get you for that" he said while lunging at me. 

"How are you gonna protect me when you can't even catch me" I said as I was zigzagging around dodging his attacks. 

"Just remember when I catch you your punishment will be worse" he said while smiling. 

That day Luke left like normal but he hugged me just a little tighter. I think he was scared of losing me as much as I was scared of losing him. I snuggled into his hug smelling the sun on his shirt. Luke was my day and light so is was only fitting that he always smelled like sun dried laundry. His golden blond hair and gray blue eyes made him look so angelic, like he was sent to me. I should have known that being happy was not meant for me. After that Luke never came back. I was on my paper route delivering papers, when I finished I went to read one like usual. On the front page there was Luke's smiling face, with the head line "Local boy Luke Edwards was killed on Thursday by drunk driver". I couldn't breath, the life was being sucked from out of me. My best friend, brother, teacher, protector, and world was gone. My sun was gone. I could never see its bright glow again, never feel its warm touch on my skin, never feel the protective rays chasing away my dark thoughts. I was frozen, never to have the warm sun melt the snow in my heart. 

Sometimes his laugh rings in my ears and i'm torn between smiling and crying. But I know i'm strong and no one can take me away now. Hes still shining on me, I can feel it.

I can barely focus at my tasks. My hang over is starting to get the better of me, making me think of Luke. Maybe I should take a break and read emails or something. That's my go to procrastinating task. As I start going through the unanswered emails I get lost in time and fall asleep in my office chair.