Perfectly imperfect

The morning after

(Neveah’s POV)

When I woke up my whole body was sore. My head was pounding and i was in an unfamiliar place. I had so many questions like; where were my clothes, what time was it, where was the mystery guy, did i really lose my virginity on a drunken whim, and where the hell was I. Quickly I tried to gather myself tripping over my own two feet to get out. Luckily i only had one piece of vital clothing and once found Everything fell into place my shoes were close behind along with my clutch so i could check the time on my phone. OMFG it was 5:45 in the morning and in the corner of the room was a floor length mirror. I looked a f***ing mess hair in disarray i was crawling on the floor like a crackhead. My best bet was to leave before I embarrassed myself any further. I gathered the little dignity I had left and made my way to the door. When I stepped out it all made sense into why the scene felt so familiar, because my apartment was literally two doors down. And at this point I just wanted to slide down the wall in humiliation. I had s*x with a complete stranger with no knowledge except we were neighbors and the likelihood of up running into each other were high. At least the my walk of shame would be short. I scurry off to my apartment, luckily Maddison was still out i probably wouldn’t hear from her til later. I walked up the stairs and made my way into my bathroom, I washed my face an started the shower. Exhausted,I made my way into my bed. Sleep found me quickly.

Soon the sun started to rise and my headache was now gone. I lay still and although my head was no longer spinning from the alcohol but from the events of how he grabbed me and how he made my body felt. I could’ve laid there all day trying to ingrain everything into memory in fact i might have if Maddison didn’t stumble into my room on cloud 9. She was glowing, she swirled and plopped down on my bed . She went on about how she was met a guy and they spent the entire night talking and they didn’t even have s*x. I haven’t see her this excited about a boy since our junior year.

She stops from her rant to look at up me

“Im sorry for going on about my night how was your night, don’t tell me you went home alone after all that.” It dawned on me that no one knew about last night an although we have never had any secrets. I felt compelled to keep it to myself so I replied

“ Nope after I got your text I just came back to the apartment” she looked at me with concern

“Vae I hope now that we’re in a new state you let whatever hold Jason had on you go”, at the mention of his name I get tense.

(FLASHBACK)

It was dark out in December, the heat was blasting in his pick up truck. i remember every detail down to the way I wore my hair that day and the color of my fingernails. I sat in disbelief, my entire body felt numb, I glanced down at my phone although proof of his betrayal was evident. Tears flowed down my face as I felt as though my soul has been broken.

“ why, I’ve only ever loved you” Jason looked me dead in my eyes

“If you loved me you’d have s*x with me and I wouldn’t have to cheat” and although I’d always made excuses for him of course this wasn’t his first time cheating and probably wasn’t going to be his last. But I always told myself it was my fault and it angered me after. “ You know I want to wait til after we graduate ” he remained speechless as though he just didn’t care

“ ITS ALWAYS THE SAME SH*T WITH YOU, ALWAYS AND EXCUSE JASON” I was going hysterical and it angered me more “I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE CANT YOU SEE YOUR HURTING ME” Jason simply sat and looked and said nothing it wasn’t until I felt I’d hit a dead end I decided to leave. At the moment I reached for the door handle Jasons face became scary he reached over and grabbed me by my hair. I screamed he pushed me into the door never have i felt so worthless in my life. I tried to fight him off to leave the car but he held me until I was just sucked into my thoughts. It was the first time I’d been hit by a man not even my father had popped me as a child. Jason spoke “ I’m sorry the thought of you leaving makes me crazed” “ you know how much I care for you, and you know I’d never actually hit you right?!” He started crying and it derailed me as if it was actually my fault for making him that way.

(FLASHBACK OVER)

I cleared my throat and asked Maddison to excuse me, I was starting to overhyped ventilate the emotions came rushing back even with hours of therapy, the thought of him still effected me. Usually when I had flashbacks of him hitting me or i’d have a bad dream of him coming back, I’d think of my comfort zone my mother. She was the most beautiful person I knew with her long black curly hair and deep drown eyes and lovely dark skin I would wish I had more time with her. I resemble her in the facial features, I had my dad’s hazel eyes and chestnut brown hair. I just stare at my features trying to calm down. After about 20 minutes after Maddison knocked on the door. She was the one who noticed the bruises and sat with me until I was ready for help and for that I was grateful. When I opened the door she had ice cream and open arms. I loved this girl since we met in kindergarten and she sat while I vented and she never was pushy or judgmental even when I stayed and didn’t leave she stayed by my side. We just sat and talked relaxing in our new apartment eventually moving on from the sad memories we started laughing and joking about the good ones.

TWO DAYS LATER

I had managed to avoid my neighbor since the clubbing incident and I was being to think he was some god I had made up in my head. That was until Maddison came up with the idea of a housewarming party and once flyers were made and food was bought along with outfits there was no turning back. At no point did it cross my mind that my neighbor would show up but nerves hit me the hours before. I applied lipgloss and my lashes I wore my hair in its curly state my hair with a maxi dress. I prayed he wouldn’t show. Starting out most of our neighbors on our floor were in time ALOT of them were even interesting. For instance, our neighbor Joshua he was a gay fireball you could tell he was a life of the party. Making us laugh and Maddison and him traded stories. And I of course my brother and his girlfriend showed but she stayed in the corner if the room. A young couple Caleb and Grace a interracial couple they were the type to give hope on young love i related to grace in a way I never made many black friends because i went to a predominantly white school most if my friends didn’t make a big deal but at times i felt left out. Everything was going fine a couple more people showed but they kinda blended going through pleasantries. Everything was fine until he walked in . And at first I thought it was an alcoholic attraction but in reality my recall did him no justification. I felt a pull to him and he had to feel it too it couldn’t have been in my head. But I started spiraling when he walked over to Justin and dapped him up. I just groaned. Better to get this over now rather than later