Vulnerable

Chapter 10

They probably realized I left because I later heard them clamper into the living room, arguing.

"You don't dare come into this house"I heard Andy's voice say in an infuriated whisper.

"Last time I checked, you don't own this house and I'm not here for you! I'm here for Audrey and except she says otherwise, I don't give a s**t about what you say" Tomiwa said, obviously infuriated.

I must admit she is fiesty

Just then, I heard the staggering step of my drunk father and the muttering of cusses.

Andy and Tomiwa stopped their bickering as my father shouted my name

"Audrey! My life's greatest misfortune... Come and open this stupiff door"

"How can you say THAT!" Andy yelled at my father and just then, I tuned out.

My heart broken even more and I teared up. Today sucks and another reminder that I'm hated by my father snapped the last thread of sanity I was grasping on to.

He wants me out of his life

That's all he ever wanted

Why don't I do something good for him this once

I don't see any reason why I should even be alive.

He always wished me dead

My father wants me gone

My very sense of existence disgusts him

And I'm sure Andy and Mum knows this too but are only lying to make me feel better

I'm the reason for this family's misfortune and if I'm gone, they would be happier.

What am I even trying to live for.

I hate my self this moment.

I can still smell the disgusting scent of the scoundrel who almost r***d me

I feel dirty

I wasn't ready for this world

God must have made a mistake in creating me

I'm a mistake

And mistakes are cut off

My head began to reel bad memories of the hurtful words my father ever spat at me

"Useless!" He would call me

"Nobody wants you here!"

"You are my Bad luck!"

"You should die and let me Prosper!"

"Stupiff girl!"

"Die and let me live in peace!"

"Go get me money!"

"You disgust me!"

"You! You! You! ARE MY GREATEST MISTAKE!"

"I regret the day you were born!"

"I want you to be useful to me for once and be gone! Dead preferably"

"Nobody loves or need you!"

"DIE"

"You are worthless"

"Let me live in peace!!!"

My Greatest Mistake!

His Greatest Mistake!!

I'm his Greatest Mistake!!!

GREATEST MISTAKE!!!

Aarrgh!!!

My head feels like it's going to explode

He wants me gone

Do you know what it feels like?

To be reminded every single day of the past 17 years of your life

Of how your birth brought misfortune upon your family?

To be reminded of how much of a failure I am

To never, like ever be applauded of your good grades in school

Or to be applauded of your cooking skills

To never, like ever be given that fatherly love or hugs?

To have a father who hates the every reminder of your existence?

Maybe I'm really cursed

My mom lied to me

My father is right.

I'm indead a bearer of misfortunes and there is nothing to live for in this life.

So, I stood up and walked to my father

"You know what?" I asked and he faced me, giving an annoyed look.

"You are right, Dad." I said, nodding my head as I sucked up my tears, fighting every ounce of tears that threatened to fall.

"I'm always right!" my father exclaimed in his drunken state

"You are right, I am indeed a bearer of misfortunes and you are right, I would be better off dead." I said

"Yes, please! Finally, someone who listens to me" my father said with a drunk happy look.

And I teared up, I couldn't hold it in anymore. My hands immediately clasping my lips to avoid bursting out in a piercing pack of cries.

"I want to make you happy, I would leave you forever and I hope you succeed after I leave, I hope my absence allows the good things of life from coming to you. I hope I become useful to you for once in my life. I hope you love me someday, I hope you have loving memories of me somewhere in your drunk - full mind. I pray, I really pray that you become the father you once were before my birth..." I said, quivering as my voice shook

"Audrey, this sounds like a goodbye note. What is going through your mind?" Tomiwa asked, looking very worried as she brought out her phone and seem to be dialing a number.

"Audrey...?" Andy called, looking at me quizzically

I quickly ran off to the kitchen and gripped the cooking knife and without a second thought, I let it pierce my skin

I gasped

Feeling a foreign metallic object penetrating my system

My eyes totally dilated

I stabbed myself

I

I

I

Finally did what my father wants of me

He wanted me dead

And I'm doing just that

So, I pushed the knife deeper into my guts

And a tears involuntarily fell

My face morphed into sadness

My legs felt weak all of a sudden

And I saw myself fall to the ground

I finally made my father happy, didn't I ?

My eyes began to feel drowsy.

My entire body turning cold

I want to cuddle up and sleep

"Audrey! God! No... Audrey" I heard the shaken voice of my brother

"Oh God! Audrey!!!" Tomiwa screeched and I could hear her scream.

"Audrey... Please stay with me. Don't go anywhere, just stay here. You shouldn't listen to father. I love you." I heard Andy say in a raspy tone

Just then, the sound of a revving engine, I have become quite acoustomed to, seem to pull up in our compound, followed by a door slam

"Audrey! Oh my freaking God!"I heard the familiar gruffy voice that I'm sure belongs to a particular guy.

Derrick ?

Is it?

"Derrick...?" I forced myself to say

"Please stay with me..."

That was the last thing I heard before everything seemed to lose its colour...

Black