Twilight Siege

13

Rebecca, you’ve had this discussion before, these Fae men are not on the menu and that is not your goal now. Stop thinking with your girl bits! “I need to get going,” I mumbled as I dropped my gaze to his chest and turned my head to the side. “Still running scared I see.” With a blank look on his face, he pulled back and crossed his strong arms. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.” I tried to keep my cool but I could feel my ears burning. “No, you don’t. Your actions speak plenty loud for you.” “What is that supposed to mean?” “You’re drawn to me, but look at you with your arms crossed over your chest defensively. One little comment and you can’t get out of here fast enough. You can come to me in your dreams and f**k me with no inhibitions, but in person you push me away. You want it, but you’re scared.” I could feel the blood drain from my face and every hair on my body rise at his words. He knew I had s*x with him in my dreams. What did that even mean? “How did you know?” I whispered. “I was there—did you not realize that was me?” My head started to ache and my eyes frantically searched the ground for answers. That would mean the first time I thought I had s*x with Lochlan, it had not actually been him, and the second time I thought it wasn’t him, but it really had been. Oh my God. I clearly needed to keep my pants on around this man. I wasn’t sure which one of the scenarios was worse. Without meeting his eyes, I grabbed my duffle bag and did exactly what he accused me of doing—I ran. Not waiting for the elevator, I took the stairs two at a time and rushed from the building, adrenaline reinvigorating my muscles to push past exhaustion. Lochlan had called after me, but by some stroke of luck, he hadn’t pursued me and I was deeply relieved. Discovering my dream s*x had not been entirely in my head was different than my night with Ronan—no one ever had to know about that. Dream s*x with Lochlan meant I shared something intimate with him that I hadn’t intended. I could still taste him and remember the feel of my hands tracing his rippling abs. It would have been just as real for him and the whole time we trained he knew. Had he thought I had known? He certainly hadn’t shown any signs that anything had changed. If having s*x with me was so inconsequential for him, I thanked my lucky stars I hadn’t done the deed in real life. But I had to ask myself, if I had been prepared to have s*x with him when it turned out to be Ronan, why was I having such a hard time finding out the dream had been essentially real? All I could figure was that it hadn’t been my decision and I was quickly growing disgusted with how few of my own decisions I was able to make lately. Whether it was big decisions like what world I lived on or smaller decisions like what I wanted to wear, they were all being stripped from me one at a time. Not even an intimate decision like who I have s*x with was left to my discretion. I was tricked and deceived at every turn, even when it was by my own mind, and I was fed up. If I couldn’t make the decision about who I had s*x with, I wouldn’t have any s*x at all. I wasn’t entirely sure how to keep myself from slutting it up in my dreams, but I would do my best. Like The Cat in the Hat’s Green Eggs and Ham, I would not have s*x in a bed, I would not have s*x in my head, I would not have s*x here or there, I would not have s*x anywhere. That may not have been the exact words, but it was close enough. I would be disciplined and keep focused on my goals: to protect myself, stop the war from coming, and to kill Ronan—not necessarily in that order. OceanofPDF.com 5 Back at my apartment I showered away my day, and after eating a hearty dinner, I sat on my bed to do some journaling. In the past I wrote in my journal nightly but it had been some time since I had composed an entry. I was about halfway through writing a lengthy update of my recent circumstances when I heard a noise from downstairs. I wasn’t in the practice of leaving a TV or radio on so the place was usually quiet. My neighbors had kept to themselves and traffic was minimal on the road out front, which was why the noise downstairs had been so noticeable. It could have been the brownie, although he had never made a peep before, and I had yet to see him since he helped save me from Ronan. Looking around for a weapon, I kicked myself for having left my purse in the living room downstairs—that’s where my knife was stashed and it did me no good down there. In my tank top and panties, I gingerly crept down the stairs clutching a black patent stiletto in my hands. The only light on in my apartment had been the small reading lamp next to my bed and I left the other lights off, figuring my night vision was probably better than whoever might be down there. Peeking around the corner of the stairwell entry, I braced myself for an attack but there was nothing there to see. I cautiously stepped over to my purse and pulled out my knife before checking behind the couch and anywhere someone might have been hiding. After I had checked all the nooks and crannies and had called out to my small housemate to no avail, I headed back upstairs. The noise could have easily been a night critter like a raccoon—did they even have raccoons in Ireland? Regardless, I wasn’t going to freak myself out over nothing. The following morning I prepared to entertain hordes of elementary school students. One of the local school districts was having a field trip day and scores of first, second, and third graders would be joining us at the museum throughout the day.