CRUSH

Breakup

I've been working on my sewing machine for the last three hours and will be done in the next two to three hours, but that's on probability. I've got a lot of work to do for the rest of the week. Being a fashion designer is not easy. Phew! Apart from putting together designs for the company I work in, I also get contracts from other persons and fashion houses - this week is hella busy!

I peddled the machine, an electric one, in quietness. Whenever I'm working, I have to stay focused so I won't make the wrong move, like a wrong cut, a wrong design, a wrong sew, or the likes. In between, I sipped from my milk smoothie and bit on my cookies to energize me. At least, those two won't make me bored, haha.

Slowly, my mind drifted to him…Crush.

Actually, he's been on my mind since I last saw him at work two days ago. He asked about me, nothing really serious, and then, her. I thought he was single. Silly me! I thought? Someone who just got transferred to my company, I don't even know a s**t about him and I'm already guessing he is single? Why do I even care about his love life or single life? Why should I even care who he's with or should be with?

Deep down, I was jealous of her and I swallowed hard in envy. Damn me! What if they're not even dating? No, they are, if not he wouldn't have pecked her in her cheek. But, it's just a peck. No, it's not. It's more than that. What about Drew? Has she left him for Crush? Oh, please, she should leave my Crush alone, she should let me crush on him in peace. Now, I'll have to get over her. This game isn't gonna be easy. Working with someone who is sharing my crush with me! Haha, but it ain't funny.

Jeez! Come back to reality, girl. What the hell are you doing? I paused peddling the machine and for a moment I sensed I've done a spoil.

I took a look at the sample picture of the design I'm working with and back at the cloth. Damn! I made a mistake, a very huge one. God, I'm about to cry. I'll have to loosen the stitches and start again, not entirely but almost.

I threw my hands at the table, and heaved a deep sigh. I should get an assistant because this work is getting increasingly stressful.

I've always wanted to be a fashion designer since I was a teenager, work with big names in the fashion industry and eventually have my own fashion company. I'm twenty-five now and I can say that I'm achieving all my dreams except that I've not had my own fashion company yet. I'll do so definitely before I'm twenty-seven, not thirty.

Look what Crush have done to you, I thought and laughed it off as I figured out how I was gonna undo the mistake I made on the cloth. It'll be stressful, but I'll do it because I don't have any choice.

***

We sat at the table waiting for our order.

There was silence between us, a continued months-long silence. He requested we have a date to call off our long fight. Why is he doing this? I wanted us to breakup. I almost declined his request but I couldn't just do it because he is someone I've dated for the past seven years. It's a long deal but it's not been perfect.

We've had deals of cheat cases, trust issues, betrayals and anger issues to thrash out. In what looked like the last straw on the camel's back that was broken, we went on a six-months hiatus. It would've not been up to that if not that I was ignoring him on purpose. I was still hurt, I still am, he knows and he wants us to talk it over since I've ignored his numerous calls and texts.

The wait was finally over as the waitress brought our order of simply potato fries and hot sauced chicken.

“Pheebs, I know a lot have been going on between us and I'm sorry,” he said, looking at me.

I looked at him back without saying a word. What am I supposed to say? I'm tired of him hurting me, apologizing, hurting me again and apologizing again.

Damian was my ‘on-off-on again-off again -and maybe-on again-this time’ boyfriend. He's such a cutie but doesn't have a cute soul. He's always hurting me, and that ain't cute.

We first met in college while I was studying Fashion Designing and he was a Computer Engineering student. We were both freshers together and we were very close. Our closeness burst into a relationship even till after we've graduated. We've dated for over seven years now. People would think that we are the number one couple in the world but that's not the case.

Our relationship have been far from perfect. Infact, it's only god that knows how we've been able to reach seven years of dating. Apart from the normal couples’ fights we've had, we've had worse. He has betrayed me, cheated on me several times, lied about it and tried to get his way around it. While I ignored him, got angry and lost my trust in him. Plus, we were always fighting every now and then.

“I admit it's my fault and I'm sorry. Please say something because your silence is killing,” he said looking straight into my eyes.

I didn't know if to trust him this time.

“Look, Damian, we've dated for seven years and all I can say about our relationship is that it's been stressing me out and I'm losing my mind. Let's just end it, please,” I said. Who wouldn't lose his or her mind in a long-term toxic relationship?

“No, we can't. We shouldn't, Pheebs. There's still room for improvement, let's give it another chance,” he begged but I couldn't trust him again.

“Chance? No, there's no time for chances again. I can't and I won't take chances again because all the times I've done that, I was always at the receiving end,” I said with hurtness in my voice. “I'm done being cheated on, being lied at. I'm done with the constant fights we're always having. Let's end our relationship for the sake of peace. For my peace and for your peace.”

“Pheebs, it's not easy to end a long-term relationship like that. You and I both know that there's future for us. I promise I'll change. We're still young to make things right again…” I almost choked when I heard those words come out from his mouth. Did he just talk about future? Of course, there's a bright future for us, a future to be better and richer but without us being involved in each other's future.

“Damian, stop. First of all, there's no future for both of us again because our relationship is going nowhere. And what do you mean by we're still young? I'm 25, you're 27. We're entering our early thirties, and I'm regretting already why I'd date the wrong person for too long..”

“Wait, you just called me the wrong person…?”

“Damian, listen to me, we both know that we aren't meant for each other, ok? And I won't make the silly mistake of continuing my relationship with you or wasting another time in a long-term relationship with another wrong person. I know how my life would've been in the last seven years without all these pain you've caused me. Right now, there's a lot on my plate to deal with, I can't add you to it…” I paused for a bit.

“I'm sorry, Damian, but it's for our best

interest.”

He looked at me kind of sober and remorseful but I couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. It's hard looking at him the same way I used to because I'm afraid that he'll hurt me again if I give him another chance. I don't believe anything he says right now.

“I know you're still hurt that I went out with Sara, and I'm sorry.”

Which girl wouldn't be hurt when her man cheats on her? Damian's constant cheating have always made me feel less of myself. Normally, I have insecurities, and him cheating on me activates those insecurities by always reminding me that I'm not enough for him. Damian is the kind of guy that almost every girl wants. He is charming, rich, handsome and fit. He has this bad boy vibes that makes him attractive to girls. I used to fancy that until he started cheating.

Damian reached out for my hand and squeezed it. I tried removing my hand from his but he held it tight.

In reality, although I get hurt whenever he cheats, I've gotten used to it, and this time, I didn't see it as a big deal. I only see it as the right time to end things with him.

“We've not touched our food, babe,” he said with a light laugh, but I didn't find it funny. Nothing about him amuses me again. Besides, food was the last thing on my mind now.

We both picked up our forks and started eating.

“So what are we saying? We're giving our relationship another try, right?” he asked brightly.

Wait, I guess all those explanations I gave him passed through his right ear and escaped through his left ear.

“No, we're done, Damian.”

“Okay,” he said casually and raised his hands up in the air. “I know you'll come back begging me to f**k you hard,” he licked his lips and smiled. This guy have never taken me serious. Well, he will now.

“I'm not going back on my words, Dami. I mean it. We've broken up for real and there's no turning back. Instead, it's you who will come back begging me to take you back. But I'm serious, we are no longer a couple.”

“Officially?”

“Yeah, officially, legally, legitimately.”

He let out a little hurtful laugh. We ate our food in silence.

“Thanks,” I said, thanking him for the food after we were done eating. He only nodded his head. I looked at him.

“I guess this is where we will say our last goodbye,” I said. He bit his lip staring at me.

“Goodbye, Damian,” I said as I stood up and took my bag.

“See you tonight on my bed in your bra and panties,” he looked at me flirtingly. I rolled my eyes and headed for the door.

He thinks I'm joking. Well, I'm not surprised, he has never taken my feelings seriously. Maybe it's because I always let him back in my life so easily after he hurts me. Over time, whenever he cheats on me, I'll only ignore him for like three to five days, but he will come back apologizing with gifts to get me over. Sometimes, I'll be the one messaging him to tell him how hurt I was with what he did. Probably that has made him think I'm so easy to get or I can't get over him easily. Well, I'll show and prove to him the opposite.

Just as I was about opening the door, the door opened and immediately someone walked in, almost bumping into me.

Our eyes met, and oh my, my breathe again!

Guess who?

Who else will it be if not the guy that always makes me die of losing my breathe anytime I see him or think of him.

Crush. Director Crush.

And to even make me die faster, I looked down and and saw his hand holding another lady's hand. Her. The same lady that he pecked at work. They walked past me and for a moment I just stood there processing what just happened. But for real, nothing spectacular even happened other than Crush walked in unexpectedly, almost bumped into me, we exchanged glances, he was holding her hand and he, they walked past me without even acknowledging me as work partners.

Ouch!

I took a look at them one last time and, oh my! Wait, he knows Damian? How? When? Where? What the heck?!