That Autumn

Confession

First love. Sometimes, it won't work, even if it's hard to forget. I used to think of that sentence as a far-fetched belief. Because I don't want to believe it. I have already made her my first love. Of course, I don't want a sad ending.

But now, I believe in it after experiencing it myself. First love.. will not have a happy ending. It was hard to forget at first, but after I found someone I loved more than myself, I started to be able to live a normal life. To me, that person is everything. The most handsome man in the world.

"Ahjumma!" A man who was at the table in the corner shouted. "Add more soju!"

"Yes!" I rushed to get the order.

Today, the street stall where I work is currently very crowded. I'm having a hard time handling it alone. Beginning of the month. I think that's the reason. The employees were busy spending their money drinking with some of their coworkers. At this rate, I can't keep my promise to my only son. I promised to buy him a birthday cake. Yes, today is his birthday.

I looked at my watch. It's nine o'clock at night and the visitors to this place keep on coming as if it's never ending. I told my son to wait on the bench behind the stall while I worked. He must be tired of waiting. I'm so sorry for that kid.

"Ahjumma!" Now it's a woman's voice. "I want to order."

I half ran towards the source of the sound. In my haste, I tripped over the uneven floor and nearly spilled the tray containing the bowl of soup I was carrying. Luckily someone helped me. She caught the tray before it could overturn.

"Careful!" she said. Her voice sounded very familiar to me.

"I’m sorry..." I looked up and stopped when I saw the face of the person who had helped me just now. That person.. Finally, she found me.

"Long time no see, Anna-ya.." She looked at me without blinking as if she couldn't believe I was standing in front of her. Exactly what I did. "How are you?"

"I.."

"Ahjumma!" The female customer's voice was heard again and she seemed impatient.

"Yes!" I decided to serve the woman first. But by the time I was done with the impatient customer, that person was gone.

I stared at the empty place where she stood earlier with a feeling of disappointment. Why did she leave so fast? I thought she was happy to see me again. But not. She didn't even want to wait a moment. Ten years passed. Such a long time to keep someone in her heart. In the end, she will forget me too. Even the way she called me felt different.

"Lee Shin Ah." I mumbled quietly as I stood still. "Long time no see."

***

Seoul, Fall 2008.

"Hey, I heard you came from Los Angeles." A girl sat on the bench next to me. It was the first break. Songsaenim, the way we called our teacher, had just got out of class and I was packing my books.

I saw her name from the name tag she was wearing. Park Gina. She's in my class but we've never even spoken. Her seat is a little further away from me, so we never interact.

"Yes." I nodded. From her name, I guess she must also have come from abroad.

"You can call me Gina." She held out her hand to me.

"Anna." I shook her hand.

"I used to live in the USA," she said then. "How was here? Do you like it?"

"Ehm.. I still need to adjust." My answer is what it is.

"Yesterday I saw you get into Choi Da Mi's car. Are you guys close?" she asked again.

"Choi.. Da Mi?" What is Da Mi's name?

She nodded. "That's right! The third generation of Choi Group, the owner of the Choi tower."

I don't know Choi Group or Choi tower. But.. If yesterday was Da Mi's car, she must have been from a rich family.

"Indeed, I was in the car yesterday. But..."

BRAKK

A thud on my desk startled me. Gina was no less surprised. It's Da Mi. She came just in time while we were talking about her. Her breath hitched and she looked at the door several times to make sure of something.

"Choi.. Da.. Mi...?" Gina was flabbergasted by her arrival.

"Anna-ya.." Da Mi looks hurried and impatient. "Do you know Shin Ah's weakness or something?"

I just blinked, confused. Da Mi suddenly came and asked me a question I didn't understand.

"She's not evil, but she's also not very friendly to people she hasn't been close to." Da Mi continued her rambling. Not paying attention to Gina, who was getting closer to her. "And again, the leaf she gave you yesterday. She spent hours over the weekend finding it. And she gave it to you. I'm sure you know the secret. What is it? Tell me!"

"But I do not..."

"Da Mi-ah!" Shin Ah came. Just as breathless as Da Mi when she arrived. It made me forget what I was going to say. "What are you doing here?"

"Just a walk. Why?" Da Mi sat up strangely. Like misbehaving.

"Come on!" Shin Ah pulled Da Mi to her feet. "You said you wanted to introduce me to the sunbae you talked about yesterday."

"Ah.. Sure.." Da Mi stood up to follow her.

"Anna-ya!" Before leaving with Da Mi, Shin Ah turned back to me, who was still confused by their behavior. "How about having lunch together?"

Having lunch together? That's really good. I didn't have to wait until school time was over to be with her. "Of course."

"Good." Shin Ah smiled happily. "I'll be waiting for you on the roof."

"Okay. See you later." I smiled back.

"See you later." She waves at me as Da Mi pulls her away.

"See you later? Lunch together? Ck, what's really wrong with you?" Even though it's faint, I still hear Da Mi's nagging that drags Shin Ah away.

I smile. Shin Ah invited me to lunch together. It feels even more fun than winning the lottery. Could she possibly like me?

Ah.. No.. It was impossible, Anna-ya! She's still discussing that senior. She also looks impatient when she asks Da Mi to introduce her to that boy. She couldn't possibly like me.

"You're also close to Lee Shin Ah?" Gina spoke to me again after the two of them left.

"You can't say it's close either." I scratched my head.

"I thought you two were close because it seemed that way." Gina saw the door where Shin Ah and Da Mi had disappeared. “You know? Those two people can be said to be the most popular here. All the boys are crazy about them, while the girls try really hard to get close to them. Choi Da Mi, besides being beautiful, is also a chaebol. All expensive and branded things. Besides that, she is great at sports. Meanwhile, Lee Shin Ah, despite her cold and introverted demeanor, is very smart. She ranked second in school in her first semester. Of course, she is not famous just for her intelligence. She is beautiful . That's the most important thing. Every boy in this school would die just to be able to shake hands with her."

"She has liked a Sunbae from second grade." I looked down sadly.

"Is that true?" Gina frowned. "She's never shown any interest in anyone. I've never even seen her talk to anyone other than Da Mi."

"She also talked to Na Ra." I added. Actually, I'm a little curious. Gina only mentioned Shin Ah and Da Mi even though there was also Na Ra following them.

"Aah.. I almost forgot about her." Gina looked displeased. I'm guessing there might be something she doesn't like about Na Ra. "She's just a servant girl. It doesn't really matter."

Even though I just met her yesterday, and haven't known her for long, I don't like it when people talk condescendingly about Na Ra. "She's a nice girl. There's no need to insult her like that."

"Oh, I didn't mean to insult her. My mouth is too smooth when I speak, sometimes." Gina laughed while waving her hand in front of her face like it was no big deal. "But it's true. She's a servant's daughter. Her parents work for Choi Da Mi. That's why she keeps following the young lady."

Ck, she didn't mean to insult? But she looks so.

"By the way Anna-ya, what is your father's job?" She asked something else. And why is my father's job become any of her business?

"My dad works at the embassy." I decided to answer the question since I'm new here. I don't want to be called arrogant.

"Ambassador?"

"No. Dad's position isn't that important."

"Ah..." She nodded. At first glance, I saw a disdainful smile. "My father owns a construction company. He is also the chairman of the foundation. You could say this school belongs to him."

I just smiled awkwardly in response. From what she's been talking about so far, I seem to know the reason why she's suddenly speaking to me. Because she thinks I'm close to Da Mi. Well, I don't really like this girl.

Actually, my family is not very rich. I'm also not very good at studying, so dad had to work hard to get me into a good school. Tuition is also expensive. That's why I don't want to disappoint dad. I want to study harder so that my grades are not as bad as they were in Los Angeles.

It's just me and dad in my family. Dad used to be a marine. Dad was on duty most of the time, so he had to leave me alone. Even though I only had him, we weren't close because of his job. Then dad decided to quit and become a member of the security staff even though his career was really good. He was stationed at the American embassy in Korea. Since then, we have moved to Korea.

Today I just found out one thing. At the school where I am currently studying, children from ordinary families who mostly attend because of scholarships are treated differently than children from rich families. I didn't pay much attention to it because I was busy catching up. Gina woke me up. They are usually given a seat at the back. The teachers don't care about them. And they were ostracized. Like me. Because of that, no one cared about my existence before until Shin Ah asked me to talk. I seem invisible.

Lunch break finally arrived. The time I was waiting for until I didn't pay attention to the class during class time. As soon as the bell rang, I grabbed my lunch box and rushed to the top floor of the building where Shin Ah promised to wait for me.

Shin Ah was already there, waiting for me. She sat on one of the long wooden benches that were already there. Ignoring some of the boys who seemed to be smoking in the corner of the building.

"Hi.." I said as I sat down. She greeted me with a smile that always managed to make my heart work extra. I looked around. There is no sign of Da Mi and Na Ra's whereabouts. "Are you alone? Where are Da Mi and Na Ra?"

The smile on her face disappeared. "I didn't invite them. You... You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course." This is actually much better.

"Ah.." She took off the blazer she was wearing, leaving behind a white shirt and red tie. She put the blazer on my lap. Closing my slightly short skirt. "It's getting cold."

I was stunned to see the blazer she put on. What is this treatment for? I would misunderstand her and start hoping again. "Why.. You're so nice to me?"

"Eh?" She seemed surprised. Not ready for the short question that I asked.

"I'm not from a rich family. I'm not smart either. My classmates don't even know I exist. Then why are you being nice to me when you don't even talk to the other kids?" I asked. Now looking directly at her face, "You helped me study. You smiled at me when other people didn't even know I existed. You even gave me your clothes so I wouldn't catch a cold."

"Because..." She turned her face away from me. "You'll probably think I'm weird and won't be around me anymore if I tell you why."

"Then what if I think you like me?" I do not care anymore. She's so good to me. It's better for her to stay away from me now than later when I like her so much. In the end, I will only be heartbroken. It's better now when I don't really know her. "What if I hope you like me?"

She looked back at me and now looked confused. "Why do you expect me to like you?"

So that's not true. All clear now. All her good attitude towards me is not because she likes me. She liked the captain of the soccer team.

"What if it's true?" She continued. Her face is now turning red. "What if I really like you? You... Still want to be friends with me?"

"Eh?" And now it's my turn to be confused. What does it mean?

"Actually..." She lowered her head while fiddling with her fingers on his lap. "I've seen you since you first came to this school. It's just that I didn't have the courage to greet you first. You may not know I often follow you to the library. Don't get me wrong! I'm not a stalker. I just wanted to get to know you but I was scared. I was afraid you'd think I was a weirdo."

She followed me just to say hello? Does that mean she really likes me? Then what about the captain of the football team?

She sighed as she looked far ahead. From where we are currently sitting, the cherry tree where we first met yesterday is clearly visible. "You know what's prettier than a cherry blossom?"

I do not know. She didn't tell me.

"You!" She looked back at me and at that moment my heart stopped beating.