That Autumn

Missing You Like Crazy

Seoul, winter 2009

Finally, the torture ended. Winter vacation is over. Maybe I'm the only student who is so excited about welcoming the first day of school. Not because of the lessons, but because of missing one person, Lee Shin Ah.

During winter break, I spent my vacation at my grandmother's house on my mother's side in Sangju. I haven't visited her in a very long time. And while I was in Korea and was on vacation, dad suggested seeing Halmeoni. At first I thought, why not? After all, I have a lot of free time. Moreover, all this time, Halmeoni only lived alone with Samchon, Mom's little brother. They would be very happy if I visited.

It was only recently that I realized that vacationing at a halmeoni place was a tremendous amount of torture. Halmeoni is kind to me. While staying at her house, that old woman spoiled me so much. Samchon even more. He treats me like a princess. The real torture came from Lee Shin Ah. People who weren't there. The person who made me want to go back to Seoul soon. But what's the point when she's not even in Seoul? Shin Ah is on vacation, too, at her parents' place.

Actually, we still call each other or send short messages. But the more I heard her voice over the phone, or the more I texted her, the more I wanted to see her face. I don't know what about Shin Ah. Every time she called, her voice sounded cheerful. Maybe she was enjoying her vacation.

But today, it will end. I can see her again.

"Did you study during the holidays?" I didn't realize that Gina was coming beside me.

I was standing by the window of my classroom looking at the school gates. Shin Ah hasn't come yet. I'm waiting for her.

"Eh? No. What's the matter?" I didn't take my eyes off the school gate. Afraid to miss even a second.

"Next week we have an exam to go into second grade. Did you forget?"

"Oh.." I don't care if tomorrow is the exam or next week. Shin Ah hasn't come yet. That is an even bigger problem. Did she wake up late? Did she miss the bus? Is she stuck in traffic?

"Oh!" Gina snapped her fingers in front of my face. Made me see it. "What do you see?"

"The gate." I looked back at the unmoving gate. "Don't you think it's too quiet?"

"Huh?" Gina narrowed her eyes to see more clearly, then frowned at the many students milling about there. She then laughed. "Aah.. I understand. You waiting for Shin Ah?"

I nodded sadly. I suddenly felt so sad because I haven't seen Shin Ah.

"Why don't you take a look at her class? Maybe she's already there." Gina suggested.

"That's impossible! If she had come, she would have got here to see me. I've been keeping an eye on the gate ever since."

"You're too confident." Gina left me. She walked towards the door then turned to call me. "I'm going to class IA to meet Da Mi. Do you want to come?"

"Wait! I'm coming!" I hastily chased after her.

Since the events of Christmas Eve, it can be said that Gina has always been with Da Mi. They're not dating, I'm sure of that. Gina was also acting mysterious and didn't want to tell me. As for Da Mi, whenever I talk about Gina, her face immediately turns pale and chooses not to bring it up.

This Gina Park, keeping something from me. That is a completely new thing.

We arrived at Shin Ah's class. Gina's right, she's here. She was there with Da Mi. They are joking and laughing together. Doesn't she miss me?

"Boo!" I called.

Shin Ah saw me then turned her face away and went back to be busy with Da Mi. "I won! Ten thousand won, give it to me!"

What's this? Shin Ah is not happy to see me? She didn't even greet me back.

"Ouch!" Da Mi takes out a note and places it in Shin Ah's hand. "You must be cheating! Bring your cell phone here! You planned it with Anna."

"Just check!" Shin Ah gives Da Mi her cell phone and the girl checks it carefully.

"Yeobo, what are you doing?" Gina approached Da Mi and immediately wrapped her arms around Da Mi's waist.

"Ah! I'm going to the toilet!" Da Mi let go of Gina's hand and immediately ran away after putting Shin Ah's cellphone on the table.

"Wait! Yeobo! Where are you going?" Gina chased after her.

After Gina and Da Mi left, I crossed my arms while looking at Shin Ah in annoyance. How can she be so relaxed when I miss her so crazily? Does she still like me? Or has she forgotten about me because she hasn't seen each other for too long?

"What?" Shin Ah took his cell phone, then passed me and sat on her bench. She was even cold to me.

"What's that?" I pointed at the money Da Mi gave her out of the corner of my eye. "I didn't know you would rather do useless things than see me."

"Not important?" Shin Ah looked at me with an irritated expression. She stood up again to approach me while holding up her ten thousand won. "You don't think this is important?"

Is she angry? Just because of this small thing? We haven't even seen each other in a long time.

"Right, this isn't important!" Shin Ah laughed while clapping her hands. "Look how you look! How cute!"

"Not funny!" I pinched. "I even kept an eye on the gate earlier because I thought you weren't here yet."

"Ha.. Ha.. I’m sorry! Really really sorry ..." Shin Ah grabbed my hands. "What can I do? Da Mi challenged me. She said, if I could make you come to see me first, she would give me ten thousand."

"Just for ten thousand?" Actually.. I'm not upset anymore.

"Hey, I'll buy you tteobokki with this." Shin Ah blinked one eye. "Or.. If you don't like it, I'll buy you another one. I'll buy you whatever you want."

"With ten thousand?" I'm laughing.

"Don't insult the numbers! I earned them so hard. You have no idea how hard it was not to run to your place? It was so hard! You see the dark circles under my eyes? I can't sleep thinking about you."

There were indeed dark circles under her eyes, and the confession was a little bit heartwarming. But still. "When I came earlier, the first thing you thought about was your ten thousand won."

"I have to make sure you get your tteobokki," Shin Ah reasoned.

"But I'm still heartbroken that you ignored me." I won't let it go that easily. Shin Ah pranks me too much.

"I’m sorry, Ji Woo-ah!" Shin Ah shakes my hand left and right while doing cute things at me. "Eung? Eung? Eung?"

Unlucky! How can I endure it? She's so cute. I've tried to maintain my authority but failed. Now I'm just blown away by how adorable she is.

"Aigooo... Uri Shin Ah-nie..." I scratched her chin. Treat her like a kitten.

"Can you guys stop that?" I heard Na Ra's voice inside my head. No, it's not from my head. Na Ra has been there ever since. This is also her class. I didn't realize it. She sat behind me. "Da Mi, Eonni seems to have a problem."

I turned towards the door where Da Mi had just entered. Shin Ah did the same thing. Da Mi had already returned from the toilet. But she looked different from before and Gina was no longer following her. Da Mi walked in with brisk steps and a bright red face. She sat on her bench. Right behind Shin Ah. Her breathing was fast and she clenched her fists.

"Da Mi-ah! Are you constipated again?" The attentive Shin Ah guessed knowingly.

"Eonni! Da Mi eonni is never constipated." Shouted Na Ra.

"Did you get scolded by Gina? Or.. Did she hit you?" I asked. I've never seen Da Mi like this and it worries me a little. She looks sick.

"No! Nothing." Da Mi tried to catch her breath but failed. It made her face even redder.

Da Mi says she's fine, but she doesn't look that way. "If she wasn't constipated, she must have had digestive problems."

"Isn't that the same?" Shin Ah chirps.

"Since when is digestion the same as constipation?" Said Na Ra.

Actually, I want to be here longer. But class will start soon. I have to go back to my class. "I'm going to my class first. I'll ask Gina. Maybe she knows why Da Mi is like this. See you during break."

"Oh, go!" Shin Ah nodded. "If that Gina turns out to be the one who made Da Mi like this.. I swear I will kill her with my own hands."

I chose to ignore Shin Ah. There wasn't much time left before class started. I waved to the three of them before leaving. Only two replied, while Da Mi still had a blank stare.

At class, I found Gina's condition was not very different from Da Mi's earlier. Even her face was a lot redder. At first I thought she was nagging Da Mi or something. Looks like something happened.

"What's wrong, Gin?" I asked her.

She shook her head with a forced smile. "Nothing happens. That’s not important."

I wanted to inquire further because she and Da Mi didn't look like anything had happened. But Sem, our teacher, had already entered the class so I had to hurry to my seat. I was even more curious because the two of them didn't want to talk. I don't know about Da Mi, but Gina can't hide anything. She even said that the hair on her armpits was starting to grow even though I didn't ask.

***

Seoul, winter 2009.

The exam has ended. I don't know the result. Obviously, I've been trying really hard. Shin Ah helped me a lot to prepare for the exam. I'm sure I'm not in the top ranks, but I hope I'm not in the bottom ranks.

A short break arrived. This time, Shin Ah, Da Mi and Na Ra are planning a vacation together. It just so happened that Da Mi's family owned a resort in Jisan. Everyone was very enthusiastic, especially Shin Ah. We will celebrate her birthday there. Even if it's a week early. And she kept repeating that and reminded me not to forget to prepare a present for her.

Of course, I had prepared a gift long ago. A very special gift. Since we went to Jisan together, I had to hide it so well that Shin Ah wouldn't see it. I want to make a surprise.

We arrived at the resort in the afternoon. I just found out that it is a very large ski area. I think Gina will like it. Too bad she didn't come. Da Mi begged me to shut up. I'm lucky Gina didn't ask about this vacation because I didn't want to lie to her.

Da Mi prepared a special pavilion for us while we stayed there. The place is huge. Even bigger than my house. Feels redundant because this is just a high school vacation. But Da Mi said not to hesitate and if we needed anything, we could ask the resort staff for anything. Once again, it's a shame Gina didn't come.

"Eonni, where should I put this?" Na Ra was confused about her belongings. She carries the most stuff. She even brought her own skateboard. She said it was a Christmas present that Da Mi gave her. She just wanted to appreciate it.

"You can put it directly in the room. One room that belongs to you and Anna. Meanwhile, Shin Ah and I are there." Da Mi explained while pointing at the two side by side doors.

"What?" Shin Ah and I protested at the same time, while Na Ra went to the room Da Mi was referring to in silence. Why does Da Mi have to share a room with Shin Ah? She would hug my Shin Ah all night like she once said.

"Because.." Da Mi put her things on the floor then crossed her arms looking at me and Shin Ah in turn. "Jae Hoon oppa told me to take care of her sister and Wang ahjussi has left his only daughter with me. So both of them are my responsibility. And the only way so that these two people don't interfere with each other is to separate them. Is it clear enough?"

Dad did leave me to Da Mi before we left early. But that's because Da Mi picked me up, not to give me that kind of responsibility she thought. Yeah.. It's kind of a formality.

"When did I bother her?" Shin Ah slapped her waist to face Da Mi.

"I never bothered Shin Ah either." I also cornered Da Mi.

"Woah.. This is actually suspicious." Da Mi didn't budge. "You know exactly what I mean by disturbing is not the disturbance you just mentioned. As the person in charge here, I have an obligation to prevent lovers from doing anything indecent."

"I'm not a p*****t!" Maybe what she said was true, but thinking that the person who would share a room with my Shin Ah was Da Mi, I didn't want to.

"I'm not even old enough to think about it." Shin Ah grumbled.

"Maybe you're not a p*****t, Anna-yah." Da Mi said to me, then she turned to Shin Ah. "And you are indeed a child who is not old enough. But please just obey me or I will sue you both."

"Still I can't let my girlfriend share the same bed with another girl?" Just like me, Shin Ah still doesn't accept it. "Even if it's just Na Ra."

"I'm tired from the long journey. Please take a look before making a protest." Da Mi pointed at the rooms with her fingertip. "Instead of a double bed, I booked two rooms with two single beds in them."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" If so, I don't think it's a problem.

"Ck, how tired. You're just sleeping on the street." Shin Ah chirps.

"If you still don't accept..." Da Mi continued. "I don't care. You guys can argue here with my secretary. I want to rest in my room."

Da Mi pointed at the empty air as her secretary then took her things and went into the room.

"Then I'll put my things down first," I said. I was about to take my bag which I had placed on the floor, but Shin Ah held my hand.

"You want me to help?" She offered.

I nodded.

She tried to lift my bag with her left hand because her other hand was carrying her bag. And she is not strong enough. It's not too heavy though.

"I'll bring it myself." I am not angry. I'm just sorry because she seems to be having a struggling.

"No! I'll take it." Shin Ah insisted even though she couldn't. "How could I have let you lift such a heavy bag alone?"

I fell silent. Trying to remember and in my memory I have already lifted my own bag. The resort staff did help carry our luggage from Da Mi's car to the pavilion. Then from the entrance to here, I lifted it myself. The distance was even further than from here to the room.

In the end, Shin Ah left her stuff and helped me lift my bag. She insisted even though I said no.

Shin Ah put my bag on the bed while Na Ra was on the other bed. The girl was taking some things out of her bag.

"Thank you, Shin Ah-ya!" I said, then sat on my bed. "Are you going to your room?"

Shin Ah nodded. "Hmm. I'm going to take a shower."

"Eoh, see you later." I waved at her as she left and gave me a flying kiss.

Well.. Sometimes Shin Ah is cute, but sometimes she will be annoying and often annoys me. Like on that trip. She sat in the middle while I was beside her. Along the way she kept complaining that she couldn't see the view from my side because of my big head. But so far our relationship is going well.

"Have you prepared a gift for Shin Ah eonni?" Na Ra asked me while I was arranging my things. "I see she also prepared something for you."

"Shin Ah prepared something?" It's her birthday, why even prepare something for me? "Present?"

Na Ra laughed. "A gift, of course."

"What is that?"

Na Ra talked to me while returning to her previous activities. "Eonni will know when Shin Ah eonni gives it. Are you curious?"

I nodded. Na Ra giggled, then took out a white knitted glove and placed it on the small table next to her bed. There was already a wool hat and goggles while on the floor directly under the table, lay her skis. I waited for her to continue the conversation but it didn't happen.

"So what did Shin Ah prepare for me?" In the end I asked because the wait was too long and I couldn't wait to know.

"I do not know." Na Ra answered with a straight face while destroying my enthusiasm. "Shin Ah eonni didn't tell me."

"Aah.. Too bad."

"Eonni, what will you give to her?" Now Na Ra asked again.

I smiled remembering the gift I prepared for Shin Ah. "Something that she will like."

***



Seoul, winter 2009.

"Happy birthday to you.. Happy birthday to you.. Happy birthday uri Shin Ah.. Happy birthday to you.." The three of us, me, Da Mi, and Na Ra clapped while singing happy birthday in front of Shin Ah .

Everyone, including Shin Ah, gathered in the living room of the Da Mi family's resort pavilion. A white birthday cake decorated with candles with the number seventeen is on the table. Shin Ah, with a happy face, clapped his hands. She looked very happy, especially after seeing the cake and balloon decorations that Na Ra and I prepared earlier. Even though Shin Ah knows that we will be celebrating her birthday, she doesn't know that we will be making some decorations as well as a birthday cake. We told her to accompany Da Mi to buy dinner. Luckily, she wasn't suspicious and left even though we could have asked room service to do so.

"Make a wish!" I said to Shin Ah.

Shin Ah cupped her hands and closed her eyes. I thought she was going to make a silent wish, but she did it out loud. "I hope this year I can be in the same class with Ji Woo."

"What about Na Ra? What about me? You don't want to be in our class anymore?" Da Mi protests on the sidelines of Shin Ah's plea.

"Could you not interrupt? I'm not done yet." Shin Ah still closed her eyes. After confirming Da Mi's silence, she continued her plea. "And hopefully, I can free Da Mi from Azkaban."

When she was done, he blew out the candle.

"Yes! What kind of wish is that?" It was my turn to protest Shin Ah's request.

"She thinks herself is a Potter." Na Ra whispered in my ear. Yeah, Shin Ah is really crazy about the film that aired last year and she can't wait for the sequel.

"But I'm not Sirius!" Da Mi said.

Shin Ah doesn't care. She held out her hands to us. "Now, where's my present?"

"Shouldn't you cut your cake first?" I handed her a cookie knife.

Shin Ah shook her head while making a mumbling sound. "I want my present first."

"Okay." At first Na Ra didn't mind it. She took out a large box from under the table then gave it to Shin Ah. "I don't know what to buy. I hope Eonni likes it."

"Thank you, Na Ra-ya!" Shin Ah accepted it. She immediately opened the box and found a large keroro doll inside. "Wao! Looks like you guessed exactly what your taste was like."

Shin Ah took out the doll and held it in her lap.

"This is from me." Da Mi handed her a small clear box containing a watch. "And it's very expensive."

"You don't have to bother wrapping it up." Shin Ah took the watch and tried it on. It looks perfect in her hand.

"You just said. Thank you ... Da Mi-ah! Saranghae!"

Shin Ah pretends not to hear and is busy admiring her new watch.

"Happy birthday Boo!" I gave her my present last time. This is very special.

"Thank you!" Shin Ah opened it carefully. After seeing the contents, she put on my gift with a happy expression. "I'm Shin Ah Potter!"

Wait! Glasses? I bought her a necklace with a heart pendant. Not glasses. How could the content change?

"All you have to do is draw a lightning bolt on your forehead." Da Mi chirps.

"I should have bought a stuffed owl, not a frog." Na Ra added.

"But.." Shin Ah took off the glasses and looked at them carefully. "Why do I have a headache after wearing them?"

Oh, I remember it! Those are dad's glasses! The gift box I bought is a bit like dad's eyeglasses case. How can I be so stupid and wrongly wrap dad's glasses for Shin Ah? It's not the content that's changed, but I'm the one who's careless.

"I’m sorry Shin Ah-ya!" I took the glasses from her hand. "I'll give you your gift after we get back to Seoul."

"What?" Shin Ah looks displeased. "Why do you take back what you gave me? I love it!"

"It's dad's," I said frankly. "Sorry Shin Ah-ya! Your gift is not this. I made a mistake while wrapping your gift."

"Daebak!" Da Mi laughs while Shin Ah frowns even more.

"Can humans really make such mistakes?" Na Ra joined in making fun of me.

"Yeah! Don't I look like a human?" I realized I had made a mistake. But the teasing I received from my left and right side made me feel even more embarrassed.

"No! No! I think she sounds like she's not human and is amazed at what humans do," Shin Ah corrected.

"I really sorry, Shin Ah-ya." I went back to talking to Shin Ah. I hope I didn't make her mood turn bad on her birthday.

"It's okay." Shin Ah imitates my speech with a smile. Then she pulled something out from behind her back. A gift. "By the way, I have a present for you. I made it myself during winter break."

"For me?" I pointed to my nose while receiving the gift. Even though Na Ra had said it, I still felt confused. "Why did I get a present too?"

I unwrapped the gift Shin Ah gave me. It contained a pink scarf. Very beautiful. She even made it herself.

"Because it's our hundredth day." Shin Ah's smile grew wider.

"The hundredth day?" I never even counted them. "Is it usually celebrated?"

"How cruel!" Na Ra elbowed me.

"I would be heartbroken if I were Shin Ah." Da Mi looked at Shin Ah with pity.

Shin Ah lowered her head sadly. "You're not only forgetting it but you're taking it as unimportant things."

"I'm just kidding! Ha.. Ha.." I tried to comfort him with a lie. I even forced myself to laugh. I hope no one notices it. "Of course I remember. I've even prepared another gift for you."

Good grief! What did I just say? I even left her birthday present at home. What gifts can I give? I don't want to make Shin Ah disappointed and sad by saying that I don't pay much attention to such a small thing. She even made a scarf for me. And since I've been lying to myself, I have to find a way to continue my lies. But.. I don't have any.

Except... That is one thing. I have no other choice.

"What's that?" Shin Ah looked impatient.

"Close your eyes!" I ordered while standing up from my seat.

Shin Ah obeyed. She closed her eyes. I glanced at Da Mi and Na Ra. They set their sights on me. Seems curious too. And that makes me even more nervous. I tried to ignore them and tried to be casual. I walked across the table to reach Shin Ah then cupped her face with both hands.

"Oh!" Shin Ah was a little surprised when I touched her but still didn't open her eyes.

I closed my eyes as I brought my face closer to her and kissed her lips. Just a quick peck for two seconds. I couldn't hold on any longer because my heart felt like it was about to explode.

"Wooo....!" Da Mi clapped her hands while Shin Ah's face was completely red.

"Omo!" Shin Ah covered her face and buried it on the sofa. "Why would you do that in front of these people? I'm so embarrassed."

Did I do something wrong?

"It was American style," Na Ra's comment.

"Look at your face!" Da Mi pointed at me while laughing. "People will think you just smelled poop if that expression!"

"Poop?" Shin Ah raised her head and looked at me too. "Ji Woo-ah! Do I taste like poop?"

"Taste?" Da Mi spoke again. Her laughter became uncontrollable. "Did you eat her Anna-ya?"

"I don't like talking about vulgar things." Na Ra lowered her head while covering her ears.

"Which part is vulgar? s**t?" Da Mi repeated her last words in Na Ra's ear.

"Why are you silent?" Shin Ah shook my hand. "Do I really taste like poop?"

"No, you are not!" I refused because Shin Ah looked like she was about to cry because of Da Mi's teasing. "You don't taste like poop. You're so sweet, Shin Ah-ya."

Shin Ah's face turned red again and she smiled very broadly.

"Sweet?" Da Mi's laughter exploded. "I just saw the kiss earlier. I didn't know you used your tongue when you kissed her."

What the... "I'm not using my tongue!"

"YA!" Na Ra hit Da Mi's shoulder. "Don't pollute my mind!"

"Ahh.. They're just envious." Da Mi didn't care about Na Ra's protests. Instead, she responded to her with something else. "You want to date me, Na Ra-ya? So that we don't become like mosquitos here."

She didn't change. Da Mi still hasn't given up.

"Dating that wall over there!" Na Ra put the seat cushion on her face.

The rest of the day went very well. We finished Shin Ah's party by eating and laughing together. While Shin Ah doesn't talk much. She just laughed a lot. Looks like she's in a good mood.

The next day, we went skiing. Da Mi advises beginners like us to play on a gentle slope. But Shin Ah doesn't want to. She said that she had skied before with Jae Hoon. That's why she insisted on sliding from a high place. It didn't go smoothly. Shin Ah injured her right leg so we were all forced to return to Seoul sooner. I, Da Mi and Na Ra didn't mind it because we were already satisfied with playing. The one who was most disappointed was Shin Ah. Da Mi tries to cheer her up by promising to invite us again to her resort next winter.