Requiem in E Sharp

2-1

2

Sunday, 30 June

The sounds of Pretoria’s streets drifted up to her through the open bedroom window. Tyres screeched, and someone swore loudly before driving away. A man sang an African song in a language she couldn't understand, probably Sotho. His voice, a deep baritone, made her smile.

The capital city was experiencing another strange winter. Winter was generally the dry season with clear blue, cloudless skies and grass bleached white by the sun. But this year it hadn't stopped raining, and the sky was anything but clear and bright. Today, however, it was sunny, and a breeze played with the curtains.

Natalie almost jumped out of her skin when she heard Louis’s keys in the door. The keys clanged as he threw them down on the kitchen counter. Heavy, quick footsteps came down the hallway towards her. She stopped brushing her long black hair and held her breath. She clenched the brush in her hands, and the bristles bit into her skin. Moving from her vantage point at the window, she sat down at her dressing table. He stopped at the door and stood there, watching her. It always made her uncomfortable when he scrutinised her like that. She knew he would find fault with her. Turning around, she faced him and swallowed the fear germinating deep inside her. She had nothing to fear from him, she knew that, but couldn't help it.

His eyes were glacial and impossible to read. She always wondered what went on behind those cold, calculating eyes. He smiled and held out a bunch of roses. When he smiled at her like that she forgot everything. All she saw was that smile that held so much promise. She forgot the past and everything he had done to her, all the promises he'd broken. But her memory loss was temporary.

He walked across the room, put the roses on the table in front of her and stood behind her. They looked at each other in the small dressing table mirror. She felt him touch her hair and closed her eyes: he was always telling her how much he loved touching her hair. He ran his fingers through it like a comb, then bent over and placed a kiss on top of her head.

“Thanks for the roses,” she whispered, worried that if she spoke it would break the spell. “They're beautiful.”

“I know I’m not easy to live with, but I do love you,” he whispered into her hair.

She reached up, took his hand and kissed it, rubbed it against her cheek.

“And I love you,” she whispered into his hand.

Taking his hand back, he straightened up, the moment of tenderness gone, without a trace. He wasn't comfortable with signs of affection. She should be used to it by now, but it always stung a little.

“Are you ready yet?” he asked, “They’ll be here soon.”

“Almost,” she replied. Then, as an afterthought, “You don’t mind that they’re coming over, do you?”

“That’s a f*****g stupid question. Now, take your bloody flowers and put them in some water.”

His mood swings were unpredictable. It was difficult to tell which way he would go and more often than not she guessed wrong.

Taking one last look at herself in the mirror she took the roses, went into the kitchen and put them in a vase with water. Her cat, Ginger, rubbed against her leg begging for food. She felt his presence behind her as she arranged the roses. Ginger screeched as Louis booted her out of the kitchen. Natalie took a deep breath.

“Was that necessary?” she asked, as she spun around to face him.

From past experience, reacting like this meant she would get the boot as well as the cat, but time was on her side today. She looked up at the yellow plastic kitchen clock above her head. It was almost one o’clock. Janet should be here soon. Louis closed the distance between them in one stride and gripped her arm.

“Yes, it bloody was.” He spat through clenched, even white teeth.

The intercom buzzed from the pedestrian gate downstairs. Louis released her arm.

“You better let them in,” he said nodding towards the door. “I’ll check on the fire and then join you guys in a minute.”

She’d been looking forward to this afternoon, and nothing Louis could do would ruin it for her. Even though she’d had second thoughts about it. But she pushed them aside. Janet was the closest thing she had to family, and they hadn’t seen each other since she'd tried to kill herself. Looking down at the still healing scars on her wrists she pushed the memories away, she focused on the present. Janet was introducing them to her new boyfriend. Natalie couldn't remember Janet ever having a serious boyfriend. There'd been lots of men she'd dated briefly and then discarded. This guy had to be special.

The lift was broken, so it would take them a few minutes to walk up to the third floor. It gave Natalie time to focus and compose herself.

Louis was on the balcony having a smoke when Janet and her man walked through the front door. Louis flicked the half-smoked cigarette over the railing and onto the street below, before joining them inside. He must have needed the nicotine to steady his nerves. Janet introduced the new man in her life as Nico. His handshake was firm, and Janet's hug was warm and reassuring.

Louis must have used the paraffin again, Natalie thought, as she saw the roaring fire once they'd made their way to the balcony. Flames kissed wood and sent sparks flying into the air. Janet’s bottle-blonde hair had just been cut to look like a young Meg Ryan. Frameless glasses were perched on the bridge of her slender nose. She'd always been beautiful and made Natalie feel like the ugly duckling. She'd compared herself to Janet when they were kids and always came up short and even now that they were adults, she still felt inadequate when standing next to Janet.

Nico was average in all senses of the word. He was chubby, and his mousy hair was starting to recede. He was older than they were, by about ten years she guessed. The only things that Natalie noticed were his deep blue eyes: when he smiled it reached all the way to his eyes; so unlike Louis.

Janet and Louis made eye contact, acknowledging each other’s presence. There was something veiled in the way they looked at each other. The way they interacted with each other had changed since the suicide attempt. It had once been warm and close, almost too close. But now they could barely handle being in the same room together without having a fight. She would have to watch them more closely.

Natalie leaned against the sliding door watching how Louis would react to Nico. Louis was dark, and his features hard and angular in comparison with Nico’s genial roundness. She chewed on her lip. If Louis didn’t like him, she wouldn’t get to see a lot of Janet, which worried her, but then that nagging voice in the back of her mind asked if that was really such a bad thing? Could she trust Janet anymore? Could she trust either of them? Was any of it even true or was she letting that b***h get to her? As she watched them, they seemed to get along, and the voice at the back of her mind faded away. Louis could be friendly when he wanted, and he appeared to be in a good mood now. Kicking Ginger must have helped.

There was only enough space on the balcony for the two men to sit, so she and Janet sat inside in the small but cosy lounge. She had tried to make it as comfortable as possible on their tight budget. She went to auctions and garage sales over weekends, always on the lookout for something that she could fix up and use to make the place look more attractive. Louis earned a pittance working for the armed reaction company; the fact that her boss was a tight-fisted bastard who expected her to work overtime – without pay – didn’t help matters.

“So what’s he like?” she asked Janet after they'd made their way through the usual boring pleasantries and were sitting comfortably on the couch. Lately, it seemed that all their conversations were made up of the usual boring pleasantries, always avoiding the giant elephant in the room.

“Well, he’s sweet and gentle, but also strong. He makes me feel safe,” she paused. “He's a good man,” she paused again, took a deep breath. Natalie had a feeling that she wasn't going to like whatever Janet was about to say. She didn't want to discuss that elephant. Any topic but the reason behind the tell-tale scars on her wrists.

“Nats, there's something I need to tell you about him. Please don't freak out.”

“Why would I freak out?” Natalie couldn't help feeling a little insulted by that, but she was also relieved that it was about Nico and not about her and Louis.

“He's a cop,” Janet said holding her breath.

Natalie’s opinion of the police was anything but favourable. They all knew that and understood. Nobody could blame her for it after what happened.

“He’s a cop?” Natalie asked, crooking her thumb towards the balcony, a twinge of surprise in her voice mingled with a touch of anger which she struggled to control. “What are you thinking with? It certainly isn’t your brain.” Natalie couldn't help but remember her own experience with the police. They should have helped, but all they ever did was protect the bastard who had r***d her every night when she was a child. They'd made him the victim and her the criminal.

“Yes, he’s a cop, and it’s not like that,” she giggled and then looked seriously at her friend before taking a deep breath. “Besides, he’s one of the good guys. I don’t want to screw this up. I really like him. So please don’t give me a hard time.”

“Okay, as long as you know what you’re doing. I'll try to give him the benefit of the doubt,” Natalie said, then leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees, a strange glimmer in her eyes. “Have you done the deed yet?”

“Excuse me?” Janet asked. “That’s a strange question coming from you. You've never been interested in my s*x life before.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just curious and besides, since when are you such a prude?”

“I’m not. It’s just that I’m not used to someone wanting to take it slow. It's unfamiliar territory. Now, can we drop the subject, please?”

“So you haven’t?”

“No, we haven’t. Okay, you happy now? You didn't answer me before – why does my s*x life, or should I say the lack of it, interest you so much now?”

“Sorry.” She shrugged. “I didn't realise that you'd asked a question and misery likes company,” she said, avoiding the real reason for her need to know that Janet was getting some action from a source other than Louis. “But we’re not discussing Louis’s temporary problem. Now don’t change the subject. Why haven’t you? Does he have the same problem as Louis?” She raised her index finger and dropped it. Keeping an eye on Janet’s face for any signs.

“His equipment works just fine. We’re taking our time, that's all.” She took a deep breath and exhaled. “Natalie, are you okay?”

“I’m fine! Why?”

Janet’s face was caring and gentle. The evil b***h must have been lying.

“You’re acting a little weird. Are you taking your pills?”

“Yes, I am taking my pills like a good little psycho. Don’t worry; I have no intention of slitting my wrists again.” She looked down again and examined the fresh red scars, still in the early stages of healing. The stitches had only been removed a week before. She'd acknowledged the white elephant. Hopefully, it would now go away.

“I’m sorry Nats. It’s just that I care about you. I don’t want any of us to have to go through that again. Okay?”

“Okay! Just stop fussing. I’m a big girl, and I can take care of myself. I can even tie my own shoelaces.”

“Okay,” Janet said while shaking her head. “You win. I’ll shut up about it.”

“Good to hear and I’m going to hold you to it.”

Laughter floated through the open sliding door. Natalie looked at Janet and smiled.

“Well, they seem to be getting along,” Natalie said.

“They should. They’re both into playing cops and robbers.”

Louis popped his head through the doorway and said, “Fire’s just about ready for the meat, ladies, so we’ll start braaing soon. How about some salad to go with it? That potato salad you always make so nicely would be quite lekker.” His head was gone before she could come up with a snide comment.