Mercy (MxM) (COMPLETED)

Chapter Thirty One- Break

Chapter Thirty One-

Sawyer

This baby is good and terrible at the same time. He's so finicky about eating. Somtimes he'll latch onto the bottle and other times he just chooses to be complicated.

I don't like the idea or forcing him, but he has to eat. Babies his age are supposed to eat at least every three hours, and he has refused to drink his bottle for 6.

"Please? It's good for you, see?" I tell him, pretending to drink out of the bottle which makes him laugh.

I put the tip up to his mouth, but he keeps it shut and even turns his head away a little. How smart can babies really be? Maybe I could trick him.

I put him on the counter long enough to pull my shirt off before holding him again, making sure he's close enough to reach my n****e.

It only takes about a minute for him to bite me, making me wince, but when he does, I put the bottle to his mouth again, watching him switch over seamlessly and start to drink.

"Thank f*****g god."

"Oh hey. You got him to eat? That's great!" Candace tells me, walking in with just leggings and a sports bra on. "Sorry again about not being able to help. I really did ask, but the lady I talked to said I would've had to be taking the medicine months before the baby was born."

I tilt my head slightly, feeling anger bubble up in me. "What are you talking about?"

"Teagan said that Alastair hasn't been eating and that the doctor suggested for him to breastfeed. He asked me about taking medicine to lactate so that Alastair wouldn't starve or anything."

I bite my lip to keep myself from saying anything mean about Teagan before responding "It's fine. We changed our minds anyway. You shouldn't worry about it."

"Right. I'm going to go on a run. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Don't forget your taser."

"Got it."

I wait for her to leave before sighing and looking down at Alistair. I love him, and I know it's difficult trying to get him to eat. I don't want him to get sick, but Teagan had no place asking her to do that.

The older kids have always questioned whether I love the younger ones more than them. I don't. I love them equally, but I know that's not what they think. Especially Candace.

All of the other kids listen to my guidence and come to me about everything. Even Noel came to me when he started becoming sexually active and going to parties. He told me a lot about that, but Candace never has. She does everything for herself.

She bought her own condoms when she started having s*x. She bought her own birth control. She figured out periods all on her own and never once asked me to buy her any feminine products. She thinks she's not as important to me as the kids are, so to ask her to do something this huge for Alistair has to be like a slap in the face.

In her mind, we're asking her to let us use her body to take care of a kid that we love more than her. I know she would never say if it hurt her feelings, but I know her.

Once Alistair finishes his bottle, I burp him and then go upstairs to lay him down for a nap. Most of the kids are gone.

Noel is with Dax. Alistair and Carson are both sleeping. Cameron and Carter are at a sleepover. Lottie is with her friend until later tonight. Frankie is at his boyfriend's house and Candace just left.

The only ones that are really here are Julian and Will, but they're always off doing their own things.

"Hey, baby. Sorry I'm late, but the meetings ran late and then they wanted to go get dinner after."

Teagan comes to kiss me, but I step back and glare at him. "Who the f**k do you think you are?"

"Excuse me?" He asks, glaring right back.

"I said not to say s**t to Candace and you did it anyway. It's not your place to ask her to do something like that! I told you that I didn't want that and you completely ignored me." I snap at him.

"I thought that you were just worried that she'd say 'no'. Look, she can't anyway, so it's not a big deal."

"Yes it is! You think I didn't know that she'd say yes? That's not the problem, Teagan. The problem is that I don't want her to ever feel like we'd use her to take care of the other kids. Even if she doesn't say it, I know how she feels."

"You're being overdramatic, Sawyer. I'm just trying to do what's best for our kid."

"My kid."

"What?"

"He's my kid. They're all my kids, Teagan. Not ours. Mine."

He laughs humorlessly and rolls his eyes. "Right. They're all yours. So I guess I don't have to wake them up in the mornings anymore. I guess I don't have to get new books for Frankie or go to Wills soccer games. I guess I don't have to take the little ones to school or make sure that Julian takes his medicine. I guess I don't have to cook for them anymore."

"Oh, come on." I groan, rolling my eyes.

"No. You're so f*****g annoying sometimes. I only get the responsibilities when it's f*****g convenient for you! They're only ours when I'm buying things for them or taking care of them when you can't, but the second I have an opinion about something they're suddenly not ours anymore. They're only yours. That's so f****d up."

"I never asked you to do any of that! I always told you that you didn't have to do anything for them if you didn't want to, but you don't get to be in control with them. I'm the one who raised them."

"We f*****g raised them. I've been in their lives since before Carson was born so don't sit here and act like I haven't done anything for them. I do a hell of a lot more than you do!"

My eyes widen, but I force any sadness down and just let the anger take over entirely. "Are you f*****g kidding? I have done everything for them. I gave up everything for them. I f*****g dropped out of high school to take care of them! I gave up going to college even though I had a full ride scholarship. I gave up dating. I gave them my time, money, and energy. When my parents left, we didn't have s**t! I did everything to get us on our feet, and you think you can waltz in four years later and throw some money at us and all of a sudden you're a god? Don't ever f*****g say something like that again."

"I can't sit here and argue with you about something so stupid. I was doing what I thought was right."

"I can't be in a relationship with someone who thinks completely ignoring my feelings is right."

"Then maybe we shouldn't be in a relationship!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Get out!" I huff and cross my arms over my chest while he grabs his keys and leaves, slamming the door behind him.

I breathe for a moment before letting the sadness hit me. I lean over on the counter and put my face in my hands, letting my tears flow freely. I sniffle a few times before letting out more sobs.

"Sawyer? Did you and Teagan break up?"

I wipe my face quickly and turn to face Will and Julian. I sniffle a few more times before forcing a smile and shaking my head.

"No, we just got into a little fight, but it's not something you need to worry about."

"It is though." Julian points out, making Will nod.

"Yeah. Teagan is part of our lives now. A huge part, and you can't just force him away now. That's selfish."

"He can still see you guys if he wants to. It'll be fine."

"We need him, you know? He bought this house. What if he takes it back now that you're broken up?" Julian mumbles.

"Teagan might be mad at me right now, but he's still a good guy. He wouldn't do that to me and especially not to you guys." I assure them.

Will sighs. "We depend on him. Financially at least. What happened to making sure that we never depend on anyone but ourselves?"

I laugh bitterly, remembering how I was back when I was in my teens. I said something like that when I was 18 or 19. 'The only person you can depend on is yourself.'

"That mindset is for people who can't see a future with someone else."

"Right. Well we love Teagan so you're going to have to figure it out. None of us want to lose him just because you decided to break up with him." Julian grumbles.

He's socially ignorant and totally insensitive, but I see where he's coming from. I don't have the right to take him out of their lives after putting them in a position to depend on him.

"I'll fix it for you guys. Don't worry. We're not even broken up. It was just a disagreement. Just give it a week to settle and I'll see about making up with him."

***

Teagan

"I don't know how this s**t works. It feels like my stomach is eating itself and my heart is collapsing."

"It's called heartbreak, my friend." Andrew points out, patting my back.

Sawyer has texted me a few times to tell me about the kids wanting to see me. I went to Will's soccer game earlier this week and took Julian and Frankie to a movie, but I haven't seen Sawyer since we broke up.

"I don't want to feel it anymore."

"Well I always say there's only one real cure for a broken heart."

"What?"

"The perfect rebound."

"Rebound?"

"Yup. Find someone else to f**k and take on dates and try to focus on them instead of the person who broke your poor little heart." Andrew suggests.

I sigh and think for a moment. I haven't been in a real relationship with anyone since Sawyer and I met. I mean sure I've had s*x with other guys, but never a real emotional connection.

"I don't know how to fall in love with someone else."

"Woah! I didn't say fall in love, you i***t. Love is what hurt you. Fall in lust instead. Sure the cute little blonde boy may have been the only person you've loved, but there's plenty of people who are great in bed. Maybe even better than him."

"This sounds like terrible advice."

"It's not. You don't have to take it, but if you don't want that lump in your throat and pain in your chest, just rebound."

He stands up from the bar and walks back to his seat next to Dax. From what Elliot had told me, Sawyer hasn't been to the club since we broke up. I can't help but to think about how he's taking it. Is he rebounding too?

"Can I get you something to drink, sir?"

I look up and smile at Wenn. He's cute with little freckles all over him and red hair on his head. There's other redheads at the club, but Wenn is the only person here with freckles. I've heard that he hates them, but I think they're adorable. I'm pretty sure he's a masochist too.

"No thanks, but are you busy tonight after your shift?"

"No, sir, I'm not."

"Would you like to do a scene with me?"

"Uh... I thought that you and Sawyer-"

"We broke up. He's not my submissive anymore, so don't worry about that. Only worry about what you want."

"I-I'd really like that, Sir."

"Good. Come to me when you get off and we'll discuss your limits and safewords, alright?"

"Yes, Sir."