Mercy (MxM) (COMPLETED)

Chapter Twelve- Hayes

Chapter Twelve-

Elliot

“That’s so cute, Beau Ty!” I shout.

I saw Beau walk in with Master Claude, so I’ve been grilling him for details. He told me that he ran into Claude at a coffee shop and they went on a date and found out that they have so much in common. Beau had s*x with him too which means that he’s not a virgin anymore. Maybe Master Teagan will be willing to get more intimate with him now. He didn’t want to be the one to take Beau’s virginity.

“It’s not a big deal. He wasn’t like a dom at all. It was sweet and gentle and he made me feel so… comfortable. I can really see myself in a relationship with him. I swear that we clicked as soon as we started talking to each other. It takes a long time for me to warm up to people, but with him it’s like we’d known each other for years.” He smiles with a cute little star struck look in his eyes.

It’s the same look Fizzle has when he talks about Master Andrew. The same look Sawyer has when he talks about Teagan. I wonder if I’ll find someone that makes me get stars in my eyes like that.

“Well I’m glad you had a perfect first time. Mine was terrible. I got drunk at some highschool party and woke up naked next to Jake Cunningham. I was so scared too because we couldn’t find a condom when we looked around so we both had to get std tests just to make sure. Everyone at school called me ‘Easy Elliot’ for 3 years. When I graduated, it got better… kinda.” I tell him. Sighing when I realize that I started ranting.

It was worse than just name calling. I was a gullible little kid that believed every guy who said he was interested in me. In Junior year the varsity football team made a bet seeing if they could all get me into bed before New Years. It worked. I felt like s**t when I found out though. I didn’t see a problem with falling in love every week, but once it was put into perspective, I realized that I really was being a slut.

I’ve always had a warped idea of love. My mother left my father and I when I was a toddler. My dad started filling his nights with meaningless s*x. I shouldn’t have been so nosy, but I’d always sit outside the door and listen. I think he was abusive to the prostitutes he brought home. They always left with a look on their face that showed they didn’t enjoy it, but they’d come back anyway. He was rough with them and degraded them verbally. I thought that’s what love was.

Maybe that’s why I let all those guys treat me like s**t in high school. They’d tease and bully me, but turn around the next day and tell me that they had a crush on me. They’d trick me into sleeping with them and then degrade me in public. I thought that was love.

It didn’t really get better. I got into b**m, and did my training and all. It was nice, but then I met Darren. He was a good dom at first. It only went downhill when we got closer and started dating. It started with verbal abuse. He’d call me stupid or make fun of me for things. I was used to that already, so it was normal for me.

Then when I moved in with him to get away from my father, he became physically abusive. I know that the reason he wasn’t afraid to hit me is because he knew I was trapped. I couldn’t go back to my dad and I couldn’t afford to live alone. I needed him and he took advantage of it.

Luckily I’m out now, and Teagan tries to make me feel better about it, but I’m still disgusted with myself. I’m disgusted by the fact that I still enjoy those things. That warped sense of love.

Being degraded and treated like an object turns me on and I hate it. Teagan always tells me not to be ashamed of my desires, but I should be. I like the things that caused me so much pain in the past. The logic is different now though. If I’m a slut then at least people like me enough to f**k me. If I’m an object then at least someone will want me. Maybe I’m f****d up because to me, that’s love. Being wanted is the only standard I really have.

“Elliot? Aren’t you going to get dressed?” Beau asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I nod quickly and dig into my drawer to find a black pair of leather booty shorts. Once I slip them on, I turn to look at Beau. He’s wearing his little maid dress and thigh high socks that match his garter belt. His thighs always look amazing, and his fluffy hair looks cute held back with a little headband.

“You look so cute!” I tell him, trying to keep myself happy. Beau is sensitive to other people’s emotions. If I’m sad, he’ll be sad.

I was a bit nervous when he started noticing the slumps I get into when I start thinking too much. Teagan and Sawyer never questioned it, but now when Beau asks if I’m okay they just get worried. It’s hard to fake being happy with Beau because he can see right through me.

Once Beau and I walk out to the club area, we go to find Master Teagan and Sawyer. He and I actually manage to convince them both to dance with us.

“Thank you guys. Just for a few songs and then we’ll let you go back to canoodling.” I tell them, not paying much attention to where I’m walking. When I bump into a large man, I blush and apologize quickly.

“Sorry, Sir. I wasn’t paying attention.” I keep my eyes down as a sign of respect, but the sound of his voice, has my eyes widening and looking up to meet his.

“Elliot?” His eyes are just as wide as mine. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting me to be here. Especially not after what happened a few years ago.

“Hayes?”

Hayes is the dom that helped me that night. He told me that he could tell that Darren was angry and had been drinking. Two of the rules that doms learn are to never play with a submissive while overly upset or intoxicated. The safety of the submissive is more important than a dom’s personal feelings. He said that’s why he came to check on us. That’s when he saw Darren hurting me.

“I didn’t think I’d see you here. It’s been so long. How are you?” He asks, looking at Teagan warily.

“I’m alright. I probably should’ve let you know or something, but I decided to try being a sub again about a year ago.” I inform him.

Hayes was there for me every step of the way through the trial and everything leading up to it. I didn’t want to stay at Darren’s apartment, so Hayes let me crash with him. He was the only person I really trusted. We haven’t talked much since I moved here.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. How has it been for you to get back into it? Do you have a dom?”

I blush and turn to the others before beginning to introduce them. “Right! This is Beau and Sawyer. They’re really good friends of mine. This is Teagan. He’s Sawyer and I’s dom. He’s been helping train Beau also.”

“It’s good to meet you all.” He hums, smiling as he shakes Beau’s hand before doing the same with Sawyer.

When he shakes Teagan’s hand, they look more serious. It’s like they’re communicating a bit. They both care about me, and they both know that I have a bad history with most guys I’ve been with.

I gesture for Beau and Sawyer to go ahead without us, and they agree. They leave the three of us to talk as we want.

“Teagan, this is Hayes. He helped me kinda get back on my feet after the whole situation. I stayed with him for a little while until I saved enough to get my own apartment.” I tell Teagan before turning to Hayes. “And Hayes, this is Teagan. He’s been helping me get back into everything in a more healthy way than I experienced before. Really, there’s no need for either of you to worry.”

“If you hurt him, I won’t let you get away with it.” Hayes tells him before glancing over at me. “He looks better though. No bruises, I mean. Treat him good, okay?”

“Of course. You two can go catch up if you want to. I can entertain the other two.” Teagan offers, looking at me when he offers.

I smile and nod, gesturing for Hayes to follow me to the back of the club. I’m practically naked so it’s a bit cold, but I don’t mind too much.

“He doesn’t hurt you, right? You can tell me the truth. Even verbal abuse can turn into something more.” Hayes asks, and I shake my head.

“I know the warning signs and red flags now, Hayes. He wouldn’t lay a finger on me and wouldn’t say anything I don’t want him to.” I assure him before sighing. “I know you probably think I’m an i***t for getting to b**m again after what happened. I need it though. I crave it no matter how much I wish I didn’t.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation. You’re not stupid for trying to do it better this time. I know you’ve always felt guilty for enjoying the things you enjoy, but you’ll grow out of it at some point. You’ll grow out of the guilt, and then you’ll be able to really enjoy it. It took me a while to do, but I’m better off now.” He responds.

Hayes and I were close back then. I told him a lot about my life at home and what it was like for me in school. We’ve f****d a few times too, but Darren wouldn’t let me anywhere near him after we started dating. Hayes took me to lunch one time and Darren got pissed. He beat me, of course, and then accused me of cheating on him. He called me a w***e too. Not in a good way.

“I don’t think I’ll get over it. How f****d up does someone have to be to enjoy things that used to hurt them so much? I guess that’s just me and my self destructive tendencies. I’m surprised I don’t have a choking kink.”

“Don’t joke about that, Elliot. You could’ve gotten seriously injured. I know that you’re sad, but don’t try to make it a joke.”

“I did get seriously injured. It took me this many years to even comprehend that he f*****g r***d me. I safeworded and he ignored it.” I point out before shaking my head. “It’s so hard trying to be happy. It just gets so f*****g exhausting. It’s not like anyone would notice though. All I ever hear is ‘how are you always smiling?’ and ‘wow you’re so optimistic’. I guess the funny part is that I don’t lie to them. I just lie to myself. I lie to myself every morning, saying that everything will be okay. If they could get a glimpse in my head for a few minutes they’d probably kill themselves.”

“I said stop.” He demands, making me sigh and shut my mouth. He wraps his arms around me to pull me to his chest. “Experiences like that can be traumatic. It’s okay to not understand exactly what you feel. All of your feelings are valid. Just don’t think poorly of yourself because of the things that you’re attracted to. You can’t control that. You couldn’t control what your father exposed you to when you were little. You couldn’t control what those idiots said about you in school, and you couldn’t control Darren either, Elliot.”

I hug him back tightly, letting a few tears finally fall. “Is it my fault that he hurt me? Everyone thought it was my fault because I didn’t stop him when he yelled at me and I never left him. They thought I was asking for it just because I like being a sub.”

“Dom/sub relationships are meant to revolve around trust and consent. It isn’t your fault that some guy took advantage of your trust in him and used it to abuse you, Elliot. You didn’t have a choice in the matter. Even if you wanted to leave I’m sure you knew that there wasn’t anywhere for you to go. It’s not your fault that you fell in love with someone who ended up becoming someone completely different.” He assures me, cupping my face in his hands in order to wipe my tears.

“I’ve heard good things about this place. I’m glad you’re somewhere that you can explore your desires and express yourself in a healthy environment. I’m also glad that you found a dom that treats you the way you always deserved.”

“Teagan is nice and all, but it won’t last much longer. He and Sawyer are extremely close, so I know it’s temporary between us. He’s helped me a lot though. I feel safe with him.” I confess before reaching up to touch his hand. “I was thinking of being a free sub for a while. I want to start trusting more and the only way to do that is to try things with new people. Darren made me scared of people, but I’m not going to be that scared little kid forever.”

“You should do anything you wish to as long as it doesn’t hurt you or anyone else.” Hayes agrees, leaning forward to kiss my forehead gently. “I see the way you are with your friends. You’re not as cynical and sad around them. When I saw you, you seemed completely different. I’m sure it’s because you don’t want them to feel that way too, so wipe your tears and try to find things to be happy about. Smile.”

I take his advice, and wipe my cheeks before putting on my smile. It’s slightly less fake now. I really am happy that Hayes showed up. As we walk inside, I take his hand and lean against him slightly. “Sorry I didn’t respond much after moving and everything. I just… well I wanted-”

“You wanted to start new, and I reminded you of him. I get it, Elliot. I told you already. You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“You’re such a good guy, Hayes. Thanks for being here for me. I really appreciate it. Do you think maybe we could play together when Teagan and I’s contract is over?” I ask, deciding to be bold.

I don’t want to do a serious scene with someone that I don’t trust. That’s part of the reason I stayed with Teagan and Sawyer for so long. I trust Hayes though. He knows me and knows my body as well as my kinks. He’s helped me explore quite a few of them, including ones that Teagan isn’t into.

“If you’re desperate to get in my pants, maybe you should get on your knees and beg. You’ve always been such a cute little w***e, Elliot. I won’t lie, I’ve been thinking of having your perfect lips wrapped around my c**k since the moment I saw you.” He answers, stopping to pull me back so that my ass is pressed back against him, and his chest is against my back. He leans in closer to my ear to kiss the shell of it. “I could have you begging for my c*m in minutes, and then I could give it to you all night.”

My eyes widen as I hold my breath for a moment. My c**k is already straining against my shorts at the thought of that. Hayes has always been good with words whether it’s giving advice or talking dirty to me. I release it when he steps back. I turn my head slightly and see the smirk on his face. I blush when he reaches his hand out to send a little smack to my ass.

“Aww, look at that. You’re hard already. Maybe you are a dirty little slut, but that’s fine. Soon enough you’ll only be a slut for me.” He assures me before turning and walking to the bar.

“Glad to see you again.” I whisper despite knowing that he can’t hear me. With Beau finishing his training in a few days and Teagan and I’s contract getting over in 2 weeks, I’m thinking that The Foursome is going to turn into a twosome. Maybe then Teagan and Sawyer will stop being so scared to move forward with their relationship. Honestly, I just want us all to be happy.