Whoever Now Walks toward Me

The Tower

A week after Helen's death, my attending physician declared that my treatment had been effective, my mental state was stable, and I was cleared for discharge—his so-called treatment involved administering sedatives, causing me to sleep for over twenty hours a day. While I slept, guides would come to perform the same actions on me that the sentinel had done. On one occasion, I woke up and "saw" it happening. The guide had a glowing tendril-like projection extending toward me. Her touch was gentle, not causing me the pain he had. If I hadn't been awake, I wouldn't have felt her doing it.

But I still found it disgusting. She was taking away my anger, my pain, my sorrow.

I stood on the carpet. I hadn't allowed anyone to clean it, but it had been cleaned. The air smelled of bleach, and everything was very clean, like my thoughts and emotions. This was the carpet where Helen had lain, that was the cabinet where he had forced me, and that was the door to my bedroom where he had hidden and watched me. I sat on the sofa. Grief flowed through me like a shallow stream. It shouldn't have been like this. The attendant sent by the Tower sat beside me, looking at me gently without speaking. She must have dealt with many people like me and knew how to handle me. I found it revolting. Yet, when she opened her arms, I couldn't help but lean into her embrace and cry. She was also a guide, and once I began my courses, she would be one of my instructors and dorm supervisor. For now, she was like a sister to me, gently patting my shoulder. She did not extend any mental tendrils or offer guidance. She just patiently waited.

After crying, she began helping me sort out my personal belongings. So, a week after Helen's death, I moved into the Tower District.

Alliance law mandates that newly awakened sentinels or guides must report to the Tower District immediately to begin their sentinel or guide training. It is their duty and cannot be declined or delayed. I sat in the basic guide training class, surrounded by teenagers, who were surprised to see an adult in the classroom. I also felt uncomfortable being in a place like this. My teacher noticed my embarrassment and encouraged me, saying that if I worked hard, I could finish my training early and advance to classes with more adult students. Unfortunately, I learned very slowly. I was slower than all of them, even the youngest children grasped the techniques of releasing spirit animals or mental tendrils and entering their mental landscape more easily than I did. Later, I discovered that my performance had shocked the high-ups in the Tower. Generally, sentinels or guides who awaken in adulthood either have mediocre D-rank mental power or exceptionally talented S-rank. Given the commotion I caused upon awakening, they predicted I would be a powerful genius, growing into a mature S-rank guide at an astonishing rate. I disappointed everyone greatly. guides need sensitivity and control over mental emotions, which I lacked. I couldn't feel it, let alone control it. It took me a whole year to reach a level where I could barely perform mental power tests, and the results were predictably D-rank. Meanwhile, the children who started their courses at the same time as me had already grown into C-rank guides, capable of providing mental support to sentinels.

Since sentinels cannot survive without guides, and guides can live well without sentinels, guides are always considered more valuable than sentinels. Even a weak guide is of significant value. After the illusion of producing an S-rank guide from the Tower was shattered, they placed no pressure on me. On the contrary, there were always people encouraging me not to stress and to go with the flow. Indeed, I was under great pressure and deeply disappointed—because of Helen and that S-class sentinel. If I remained weak, struggling at the bottom, how could I avenge Helen? I wanted to grow stronger, I longed to be strong. I enrolled in physical training and combat training. My dorm supervisor subtly told me that my mental power was destined to fail the recruitment test and that these courses were futile. Why not study music or art instead? I told her I had no interest in music or art. But my combat instructor soon approached me privately, shaking her head and saying that, with her years of experience, she could see I was completely untalented. My movements were awkward and stiff, and insisting on pursuing this path would likely result in significant injuries—I often twisted my ankle or stubbed my hand.

Two years later, I finally passed the assessment and graduated from the basic class. According to the law, as a D-rank guide, I was not required to undergo advanced guide training. I could leave the Tower District after registration and return to ordinary life, provided I completed a designated number of non-emergency mental support sessions for sentinels each month. This support work, more of a benefit than an obligation, came with high salaries. For a guide, providing support to a rational and cooperative sentinel should be simple. But for me, it wasn't. I was the most complained-about D-rank guide in the local Tower District, surpassing the complaints against high-rank guides who provided forced support to frenzied sentinels. The sentinels would find various excuses to cancel the guidance whenever they saw me. They claimed my work was painful. Once, I got into a fight with them because I overheard them saying—

Because I had been "r***d" by a sentinel when I awoke, I was now "r****g" these poor sentinels.

I couldn't beat them. Due to legal constraints, they didn't dare to harm me, but they held onto me and my spirit animal, mocking me. They laughed at me as a disabled guide, unworthy of being called a guide, mocking my spirit animal as disabled as well. What the hell is it? A big white ball! They said the S-rank sentinel who had once interacted with me was the best sentinel I could ever have.

I wished I could return to the state I was in when I awakened, that intense and enormous emotional turmoil that had caused me so much pain, so I could transfer my suffering to them.

But I couldn't. It was as if that nightmare would forever remain in my nightmares, and the power I had once unleashed was not something I could control freely. Soon, other guides and sentinels arrived and separated us.

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