THE MOON HIDES MY HEART

Chapter 13: The Jealousy Game

I made it to my room.

Barely.

The fire inside me was still churning, fed by the emotions bleeding through the bond—Nikolai's rage, Lukas's longing, and beneath both of them, something darker. Something that felt like mine.

I locked the door. Leaned against it. Pressed my hands against my face.

Two alphas.

Two alphas fighting over me.

And I kissed both of them.

"What am I doing?" I whispered to the empty room.

The necklace didn't answer.

The knock came an hour later.

Not a polite knock. A pounding. The kind of knock that meant the person on the other side wasn't going away.

"Elif. Open the door."

Nikolai.

"No."

"Open the door or I break it down."

"You break that door and I'll scream so loud the whole academy wakes up."

Silence.

Then: "Fine. Then talk to me through the door."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"There's everything to talk about." His voice was tight. Controlled. Like he was holding himself back by a thread. "You kissed him. After everything we—after the library—you let him touch you."

"It's none of your business who I kiss."

"You're mine."

"I'm not yours, Nikolai. I've never been yours. I'm not anyone's."

Another silence. Longer this time.

Then: "You're right."

I blinked. "What?"

"You're not mine. You're not anyone's." His voice was quieter now. Almost gentle. "But I want you to be. And that's the problem. I've never wanted anyone the way I want you. And watching you with him—"

He stopped.

"It made me feel something I've never felt before."

"What?"

"Fear." The word came out raw. Broken. "I'm not afraid of anything, Elif. Not my father. Not my pack. Not death. But the thought of losing you to Lukas—" His voice cracked. "That terrifies me."

I opened the door.

He was standing in the hallway, his white-blond hair disheveled, his ice-blue eyes red-rimmed. He looked exhausted. Broken.

"Nikolai—"

"I'm not asking you to choose me." He stepped forward. "I'm asking you not to choose him."

"That's not fair."

"Nothing about this is fair." He reached out and touched the necklace. The stone hummed against his fingers. "I've been alone my whole life. My father beat me. My mother died. My brother was the only one who—" He stopped. Swallowed. "And then you came. You touched me. And for the first time, the wolf went quiet."

"Lukas makes me feel things too."

"I know." His hand dropped. "That's what scares me."

I should have closed the door.

I should have told him to leave. Should have gone to bed. Should have given myself time to think.

But I didn't.

Because beneath his anger, beneath his jealousy, beneath his desperate need to own me, I felt something else through the bond.

Love.

Not like Lukas's love—soft and warm and patient. This love was sharp. Painful. A love that had been beaten and broken and buried so deep that Nikolai himself probably didn't recognize it.

He loved me.

And he hated himself for it.

"Nikolai," I said. "I can't give you what you want."

"What do I want?"

"You want me to belong to you. To be yours. To—"

"I want you to see me." His voice cracked again. "No one sees me, Elif. Not really. They see the Volkov heir. The monster. The weapon. But you—" He touched my face. "When you look at me, the wolf stops shaking."

"That doesn't mean I'm yours."

"No. But it means you're the only one who can quiet him." He leaned closer. His forehead pressed against mine. "And I can't lose that. I can't lose you."

I don't know how long we stood there.

His hands on my waist. My hands on his chest. His breath warm against my lips.

"Stay with me tonight," he whispered.

"I can't."

"Just tonight. No one has to know."

"I can't, Nikolai."

"Elif."

"No." I pushed him back. Gently. "I need time. I need space. I need to figure out who I am before I figure out who I want to be with."

"You already know who you are."

"Do I?"

"You're a Balancer. You're the most powerful creature in this academy. You're the girl who screamed and brought wolves to their knees." He smiled. It was sad. "You're you, Elif. And that's enough."

I wanted to believe him.

But I wasn't sure I could.

Lukas appeared at the end of the hallway.

His green eyes went straight to Nikolai's hands on my waist. His jaw tightened.

"Get your hands off her."

Nikolai didn't move. "Make me."

"Volkov—"

"Brandauer—"

"Stop." I stepped between them. "Both of you. I'm not a prize to be won."

"Then stop acting like one," Nikolai said.

"Excuse me?"

"You kissed him. You kissed me. You're letting both of us chase you like dogs after a bone." His eyes were cold. "If you don't want to be fought over, then choose."

"I can't choose."

"Then don't complain when we fight."

Lukas stepped forward. "She's right. This isn't helping."

"Stay out of this."

"I'm in this. Whether you like it or not." Lukas moved to stand beside me. "We're both bound to her. We're both connected to her. Fighting each other won't make her choose faster."

"It'll make me feel better."

"You're pathetic."

"You're weak."

Nikolai threw the first punch.

It happened so fast.

One moment, Lukas was standing beside me. The next, Nikolai's fist connected with his jaw, and Lukas stumbled backward, blood flying from his lip.

"Nikolai!"

He didn't listen. He lunged at Lukas again, tackling him to the ground. They rolled across the stone floor, punching, clawing, growling.

Lukas's eyes flashed green. Nikolai's flashed gold.

Their wolves were rising to the surface.

"Stop it!" I screamed. "Both of you, stop!"

They didn't stop.

Lukas pinned Nikolai's shoulders to the ground. Nikolai kneed him in the stomach. Lukas gasped. Nikolai rolled on top of him and drew his fist back for another blow.

I tried to grab his arm. He shoved me away.

I fell. My head hit the wall.

Stars exploded behind my eyes.

"Elif!"

Kael's voice.

He was suddenly there, pulling Nikolai off Lukas, shoving them apart with a strength I didn't know he had.

"Enough!" Kael's dark eyes blazed. "She's hurt. Look at what you've done."

Nikolai's head snapped toward me.

I was sitting on the floor, my hand pressed against the back of my head. My fingers came away wet.

Blood.

"You pushed her," Lukas said, his voice cold. "You pushed her."

"I didn't mean—"

"You never mean. You just take."

"Stop." My voice was weak. Too weak. "Please. Just stop."

They both looked at me.

The fire inside me was burning. Not hot. Cold. A cold that made my veins ache and my bones shiver.

"I said stop."

The scream came from somewhere deep.

Not from my throat. From my soul.

It wasn't loud. It was absolute.

The world went silent.

Nikolai froze mid-step, his body locked in place like a statue. Lukas's eyes went wide, then empty. Even Kael stopped moving, his hand still raised between them.

I had frozen them.

All of them.

The fire had done it without my permission. Or maybe I had done it without realizing.

I stood up. My head throbbed. My hand was still bleeding.

"I'm tired," I said to their frozen bodies. "I'm tired of being fought over. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of not knowing who I am."

I walked to the door.

"I'll see you when you're unfrozen. Don't follow me."

I made it halfway down the hallway.

Then my legs gave out.

The world tilted. The ceiling spun. I heard someone shouting my name—Kael, maybe, or Lukas—but their voices were far away, muffled, like they were calling from underwater.

I'm falling.

Why am I falling?

There's no floor.

Darkness swallowed me.

I woke up to warmth.

Soft sheets. A pillow that smelled like pine and snow. A fire crackling somewhere nearby.

And a ceiling I didn't recognize.

Not my room. Not the infirmary.

Somewhere else.

"Finally."

Nikolai's voice.

I turned my head. He was sitting in a chair beside the bed, his elbows on his knees, his face drawn and pale.

"Where am I?"

"My room." He reached out and touched my forehead. His fingers were cool. "You've been unconscious for six hours."

"Six hours?"

"You screamed again. The whole academy felt it. Teachers passed out. Students collapsed in the hallways." He pulled his hand back. "You're getting stronger."

"That's not a good thing."

"No," he agreed. "It's not."

I tried to sit up. My head spun. Nikolai's hand pressed against my shoulder, pushing me back down.

"Don't. You hit your head. You lost blood. You need rest."

"I need to go back to my room."

"You need to stay here."

"Nikolai."

"Elif." His jaw tightened. "I'm not trying to control you. I'm trying to keep you alive. There's a difference."

"Then let me go."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

He was quiet for a long moment.

"Because when you screamed, I felt it. Through the bond. I felt the fire inside you break. And for one second—" His voice cracked. "For one second, I thought you were dying."

"I wasn't dying."

"You don't know that." He leaned closer. His ice-blue eyes were wet. "You don't know anything about what you are. Neither do I. Neither do Kael or Lukas or the Headmaster. But I know that I can't lose you. Not yet. Not like this."

"So you're keeping me prisoner?"

"I'm keeping you safe." He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Stay. Just for tonight. Just until the sun comes up. Then you can go back to avoiding me."

I wanted to argue.

But I was so tired.

And his bed was so warm.

And his eyes were so sad.

"One night," I said.

"One night."

He lay down beside me. Not touching. Just there.

I closed my eyes.

And for the first time since the fire, I slept.