SILVER TAIL

TWELVE

NATE

Last night was surreal; I still couldn’t believe I almost took my own life.

I shuddered at the thought because even though I had considered taking my life thousands of times when I was younger, I never got the courage to do it.

I didn’t even think I was going to come to that decision when I stayed back on the beach while the others left.

What if I had really died?

Was it thanks to the jelly fish or was it thanks to Derya?

A lot of things that happened last night still felt strange. Every time I remembered the way I had inhaled the sea water into my lungs, it felt like I was back in the ocean, drowning. Dying.

It made me panic.

As I poured out the chamomile tea I’d just made into two teacups, guilt gnawed at me.

I wasn’t thinking about grandma Fran when I got into the ocean. I was the only family she had left, and she was my only family.

I put the cups on a tray and headed for her room.

Her face lit up when she saw me. “My boy!” She turned off her television. “Come sit.”

Grandma Fran was the cheeriest person I knew. I had no clue how she remained her bubbly self even after losing her husband and daughter.

I moved in with her fourteen years ago – after the accident, and didn’t recall a time she cried, or was sad. I didn’t notice this until only a few years back, and it worried me sometimes.

Recently, the doctors said it was only a matter of months until she completely lost her eye sight. I had expected that this would break her because if there was one thing in the world grandma Fran loved and enjoyed, it was painting and seeing art exhibitions; but nothing about her countenance changed from that day till this moment, she remained high-spirited as though she hadn’t even heard the news.

How she got the strength to carry on, I had no idea.

I sat by the edge of her bed