The Wife He Left Behind

005

The day passed by without me thinking about the pains Caleb had caused over his ex’s return.

He pretended to love me over the years and just when his ex returned, it turned out he was not even over her in the first place.

Like a speed of light, Monday was here, I sat in Patricia's office with the folder of preliminary documents in front of me and I could not make my hand move.

She did not rush me. She poured me a glass of water and told me there was no deadline, that I had all the time in the world.

"What's stopping you?" she asked.

"I'm pregnant," I said. "And.. I'm scared. I’m not sure I want this anymore."

"Both valid."

"And I still—" I stopped. I hated saying the next part. "I still love him."

Patricia nodded like that was not a complication at all. "Most people who come to me still love their spouse," she said. "Love isn't the question. The question is whether the marriage is safe for you."

Safe. I turned that word over.

I went back to work. I buried myself in case files and client calls and pretended I was a woman with everything under control.

That afternoon, Ivy called my office directly.

My assistant informed me. "An Ivy Carter for you. She says it's personal."

I almost shook my head to refuse. Then I picked up anyways.

"I wondered if you'd take my call," she said.

"I almost didn't, because why?" I leaned back in my chair. "What do you want, Ivy?" I muttered through gritted teeth.

What does she wants now? Caleb chose her and I’m of course leaving the way for them now.

"To talk. Woman to woman." She muttered and I scoffed.

"That's a very diplomatic framing for someone who texted my personal phone without permission."

"Caleb told me you were upset. I wanted to explain."

"Caleb told you." I let that sit for a moment. "So you two spoke about our private argument." My teeth clenched harder. And my finger balled into a tight fist.

"We talk just about everything," she said, and I scoffed. The audacity to tell me this

Her voice was soft, as though this wasn’t a big deal. That was what made it cut even deeper.

"We always have. I'm not saying that to hurt you. I’m saying it because you deserve to know."

"And what exactly do you believe I deserve to know, Ivy?"

She was quiet for some moment. Then came her voice again. "He came to me the night of your anniversary. Not because I asked him to. He called me first."

I almost choked on my saliva, even though I tried to keep my composure.

"He told me he was feeling trapped," she said.

"His word, not mine." she added, obviously smirking by now.

I did not respond. I kept my face neutral even though she could not see it, because I was an attorney, and attorneys do not react.

"I'm not telling you this to break up your marriage," she continued. "I'm telling you because you seem like a smart woman who deserves honesty. Caleb is not a bad person. But he's not in this marriage the way you are."

"And you are?" I said. "In it? Is that what you're suggesting?"

She was quiet again. Longer this time.

"I'm suggesting you stop waiting for something he is not capable of giving you right now."

“And that is?” I said. My voice still neutral.

But she grabbed I wasn’t about to take it gently with her anymore. She remained quiet.

I suddenly thanked her for calling and hung up.

I set my phone face-down on my desk, with my hands pressed together under my chin for a long time.

She was right. That was the worst part—she was absolutely right.

Caleb was not capable of giving me, what I want from him—not his loyalty, and not getting rid of her from our marriage.

That evening, Caleb came home with flowers. Peonies, my favorite. He handed them to me in the kitchen doorway with an uncertain smile.

My brows raised at him, and I scoffed inwardly.

"I've been thinking," he said. "About what you said. About choosing."

I held the peonies in my hand while he spoke.

My eyes deepening into his, while my heart pounded in my chest waiting for who he’d choose.

It was definitely not me. But I just wanted to know, for one last time.

"I'm choosing you," he said and I almost choked on my saliva, but I was able to hide it.

My breath heightened and my eyes a bit widened, not enough for him to see.

That was unexpected.

Does that mean he’d leave the b!tch out of our marriage?

"Obviously, I.. I handled it badly yesterday, and.. I’m sorry. I'll back off from Lyra. I'll tell her to give some distance from now on."

I looked at him and his eyes, he meant it.

I could see it clearly that he meant it, right now, at this moment, with the flowers and the careful sincerity, Caleb meant every word he just said to me.

Then Lyra’s words earlier, began replaying in my head. ‘He told me he was feeling trapped’

"Thank you for the flowers," I said courtly and left his front.

I put them in a vase. I kissed him on the cheek, made dinner and we sat across from each other and talked about small things, and for a few hours, it felt almost normal.

At midnight he was asleep beside me while I was awake staring at the ceiling, hand on my stomach, calculating how many more almost-normal evenings I could survive.

Just then, my phone lit up on the nightstand. I looked at it and it was an unknown number, once again.

This time, it was a voicemail. I plugged in my earbuds and pressed play.

It was Caleb's voice. Low, private. A conversation recorded without his knowledge.

And he was telling Lyra that the flowers were her idea and that she was right.