Diary of a Danceaholic

Entry #6: Change is Good

“5-6-7-8!” Jodie yelled at me and I did that stupid part for her again.

“See!” I said from my position flat on the floor. I collapsed on purpose after failing to keep my pitch steady. I hated this part. “I’m supposed to reverse direction and I have nowhere near enough time to get clear across the stage in time to set up. What kind of i***t does that?!”

“Hey.” Jodie was stern, but I loved her. “We do not speak ill of our fellow choreographers no matter how big of an a*s he may be.”

I snorted.

“Let me see it again with the changes you made,” she said and pushed play on the remote.

I showed her and she nodded her head in approval.

“Keep that. It was a good call. Now show it to me again from the top, with your changes.”

I put my hands on my knees when I was done, catching my breath.

“Okay,” Jodi said. “What’s our goal here? You won Star Makers with that routine, but Reece thinks she can beat you with an Antonio routine of her own. Have I got this all straight?”

“Yep.”

“Do you want to keep it as is? It’s officially an award-winning routine. You’d be a fool to change it.” She gave me a sly wink while her head was turned away from the observation window.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “What have you got in mind?”

Jodie silently turned and closed all the curtains, effectively shutting my mom out of our rehearsal.

An hour and a half later, I had a routine that I could feel proud of. It was still mostly Antonio’s choreography, with a few Jodi tweaks. It was even better than the original and I had already won once. I was feeling confident that I could do it again.

“I’ll keep your name out of it when I catch flack for making more changes to Antonio’s choreography.”

She waved me away. “You just hold your head high, dance full out, and slay.” She gives me a tight hug. I reach for the door handle, but she stops me and says in a low tone, “I know you don’t love this anymore. I can see it, but I can also see the way you dance with reckless abandon on stage. I watched your piece. I can tell when emotions are faked for the judges and when they’re real. Those were real, Sky.”

I couldn’t deny it and my eyes filled with tears.

“I do love it. Sometimes. I’m just so burnt out. I’m sick of the hotels, and the press, and the modeling, and airplanes, and everything else. The only moments I get that I can truly be in control of my own life are those two minutes I’m up on stage. When my music starts, the world fades away and I’m finally free to decide my own fate.”

“Why do you choose to win then? Why not tank your routine and put all this behind you?” We both knew the answer though. I cared too much to disappoint my mom and the teachers at this studio.

“It’s not really about me. Hasn’t been for a long, long time.”

“I know, Sky,” she said sadly. She gave me another tight hug.

She took her hand off the door, effectively releasing me. “I’ll see you next week. We’ll run it through again before you leave for Florida. Tech classes every night until then. Play nice with the other kids.”

“Shut up,” I said and wiped away my tears.

My mom turned on me as soon as we were in the car.

“What happened in there? Why’d Jodi close the curtains?”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom. It’s under control.”

“Are you ready for Dream Makers?”

“Yeah, pretty much. The extra rehearsal with Miss Jodi next week will help. I just need to keep running it.” I slouched down in my seat, exhausted.

“She said tech classes, too? Where are you lacking? What do you need to work on?”

“Geeze, Mom. It’s just good for me. You can take pictures for all my adoring fans,” I added sarcastically.