Wolf Bound

3 - How can I stay?

River

This place is something else.

Who would have thought the man I’d been visiting in our dreams would turn out to be an Alpha?

I should have because he was always so commanding. Yet, he never acted like an Alpha. Damian was just so sweet to me all of the time.

I can’t believe how jumpy I am after being in that hellhole for so long. Somehow, none of this seems real yet. I feel like I’m going to wake up any moment back in my cage. I’ve pinched myself once or twice just to check that I actually am awake.

I haven’t had the chance to contact my family yet, I’m too weak to mind-link any of them, and I haven’t asked for a phone.

I should, my parents must be going out of their minds with worry. They put their trust in the wrong people, people who swore they could help me. But all they wanted was to experiment on me! But I’m not in the right frame of mind yet. I wouldn’t know where to begin. I just need a few days to clear my head, and then, I’ll call them to let them know I’m okay.

‘Shake it off, River. We’re with Damian now, and hopefully, he’ll be able to free us from this hell.’

I hope Saltan is right about Damian being able to help us. I don't think I can continue to be Wolf Bound because it’s slowly killing me. It’s not my wolf’s fault, and we both want to be free from this.

Doctor Dever, the man who lied to my parents and then kept me captive, isn’t going to stop trying to get me back, I know that. As safe as I think I might be here at Gray Shadows Pack, I know that I can’t let my guard down.

There is no one outside my family that I can trust. Perhaps Damian, because he’s my mate, but his family, not so much. They wanted me dead, believed that I was feral, and it would be best to put me out of my misery.

I’m not feral!

I’m cursed, but not feral.

I wash the shampoo out of my long, light brown hair, then turn off the shower and step out. I’d been in there a while. But it felt good to scrub the dirt from my body and hair, not to mention, shave my underarms and legs.

I’m a lucky girl in the respect that I don’t grow facial hair, which should be normal, as I was born male. I don’t have a noticeable Adam’s apple, and I have a womanly figure, not to mention facial features.

I’m lucky because, though I identify as female, my wolf is all male. That might sound strange, but I wouldn’t change my wolf even if I could. Saltan loves me, and not once has he been disgusted that his human isn’t male. I love my wolf, and I’d be lost without him.

I used to think of myself as pretty, with my big icy blues, full lips, and cheekbones that you could cut glass on, so my mother said. But looking at myself in the mirror right now, I am anything but. All those weeks locked up and tortured have taken their toll on my physical appearance. Those bastards barely fed me, and it shows in how much weight I’ve lost.

I only hope I put a little weight back on soon; I don’t want to be this skinny forever. Not that I was ever big, wolves rarely are, but I was fit and attractive. Hopefully, it won’t take me long to regain it. Food and exercise should help.

It hasn’t changed the shape of the perfect B-cup breasts those monsters fitted me with. Of course, I’ve always wished I could be all female, all over. But those pigs didn’t give me breasts because they were being helpful; they did it because they wanted to change everything about me. I begged them not to do it; I hadn’t been given the chance to think about what I wanted.

What gave them the right to do this to me?

What would they tell my parents?

I won’t lie, now that I’m actually looking at my breasts in the mirror for the first time, I know I like them. They’re the perfect handful, not too big, not too small, and looking at myself, I don’t look male at all. Wearing tops will be easier with breasts, and no one will realize I have male parts if I tuck.

However, I do have a peni.s and all that goes with it, and I can’t change that. It isn’t possible for Werewolves to completely transition because of how quickly we heal. Those people did this to me, knowing what a freak it would make me.

I’m not a freak, right?

What if Damian is disgusted by my naked appearance?

I don’t know any other shifters like me, breasts up top and a peni.s down below. I was told by Marta, a woman at the facility, the one who did this to me, that there are many humans who look like me. They even make a lot of money, making porn, and many others love the way those girls look. I shouldn’t be ashamed, and I would appeal to both men and women.

She wasn’t trying to be nice; I was nothing but a breeding machine to those people. Marta wanted me to look the way her women would want me to look.

That made them the freaks, not me!

I rub the towel through my hair, then wrap it around my waist. Goddess, that shower felt amazing. The hot water really worked out the knots in my muscles – what’s left of them.

At the facility, they rarely allowed me to wash, never mind shower. All I was to them was an animal to use and abuse.

I guess I’d heal faster if I transformed. But I’m too scared to shift in case I can’t transform back again. It’s happened to me too many times for me to risk it, though there have been times where the change is forced out of me. I can’t control it as much as I try.

‘I’m sorry, Saltan, but until we figure this out, I can’t let you out.’

‘It’s okay, River, I understand. I’ll try to resist if the change takes us.’

Saltan never wanted to exert control over us, and he often breaks down in regret. My wolf can’t help the aggression that runs through him, or the people he hurts when they get too close. But no one fully understands what it’s like to be us.

I sigh as I get dressed in the floral pajama bottoms and t-shirt Damian handed me. They’re baggy, but they’ll have to do. I brush out my hair and braid it down my back before tying it off at the end.

With a deep breath, I open the bathroom door. Damian instantly looks at me from his seat on the edge of the bed. He smiles at me, and I return that smile. Damian doesn’t look disgusted, and I know he saw my naked body when I passed out in his arms.

That has to be a good sign, right?

My mate is incredibly handsome, with a bright smile, straight white teeth, dark hair, muscles for days, and he’s all mine. I knew it the moment he first turned up in my dream, and that’s all I thought it was until he touched me. That touch was too real for it to be nothing more than memory.

I don’t know why Damian and I ended up in each other’s dreams, and I doubt I ever will. But I do know that there was a reason he came to me, a reason I knew he’d be the one to save me.

I don’t want to put pressure on Damian, but I need him. I don’t know what I’ll do if he rejects me, but then I wouldn’t blame him at the same time.

‘He’s not going to reject you, River. After everything the two of you have been through? Even if it was just a dream, I know the man loves you.’

‘I hope you’re right, Saltan, I really do.’

“Feeling better?” Damian asks.

I nod.

If nothing else, I feel more myself now that I’ve showered the dirt from my body.

Damian gets out of his seat and makes his way over to me.

Slowly, his hand cups my cheek, and I close my eyes because I can’t stop myself. Feeling Damian touch me for the first time in real life is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Now there are so many emotions flowing through me that I can’t keep up. I just want a normal life and to feel safe.

Is that too much to ask?

When I fell into Damian's arms outside the packhouse, I knew who he was: my mate. Goddess, I couldn’t believe that I ended up in the one place I wished to be most in the world.

I trusted Damian when he said he’d keep me safe, and he did because he stopped the doctor from killing me, even stood up to his father, his Alpha, to protect me.

Though I love Damian, I can’t put my mate in danger, no matter how much I want to stay with him. It was stupid of me to come here, even if this is the direction my wolf couldn’t resist running. If anything ever happened to Damian, I don’t know how I’d go on living. Nothing I went through in that awful place could compare to the pain I would feel in losing my mate.

Goddess, I want nothing more than to stay with Damian and never leave. But I love him enough to walk away to protect him.

“Everything will be okay, River.”

I open my eyes. “How can you say that, Damian? I could flip and transform at the drop of a hat. Goddess knows how long it would take me to revert, and where would that leave us then?”

Damian’s other hand touches my cheek, both hands now encasing my face. “If that happens, we’ll deal with it, River. I am not going to leave you, I promise.”

A tear falls from my eye at his promise because it means so much.

“They won’t give up searching for me, Damian. I can't put you in danger, that’s why I have to go. Which is why I can’t contact my family; I also cannot risk anything happening to them. I won’t risk anything happening to you, I couldn’t bear it, Damian.”

Damian smiles while shaking his head. “You’re not going anywhere, River, not without me. Nothing will happen to me; my family is powerful enough to keep us protected. I know you’ve been through a lot, but you can’t run.”

“But how can I stay? They’ll find me, Damian, and Goddess knows what they’ll do to get me back.”

Damian presses his forehead to mine. “I am not letting you go, River. There is nothing in this world I won’t do to protect you. Please believe me when I say that because it’s true.”

I nod while clutching at his waist.

“I know you’re scared, River, only a dead person wouldn’t be, especially with everything you’ve been through. I don’t know all of what that is yet, but you’ll tell me when the time is right. It’s not going to be easy over the next few months, and we may well come into some trouble. But it will be all right in the end, you’ll see.”

“I don’t want you to regret being with me, Damian.”

Damian chuckles. “Never. Goddess, how could I ever regret being with you? River, I have waited years for my dream woman to become a reality. You are literally that woman, River.”

I can’t help but chuckle because he’s right, we’re each other’s literal dream come to life.

My chuckle fades as reality hits me in the face.

“Aren’t you disgusted with me?” I’m not asking that because I’m a female stuck in a male’s body. I told Damian the truth in our dreams years ago.

Damian looks so confused as he stares into my eyes. “Why on earth would you ask me something like that?”

I swallow hard. “Because of the way I look. I mean the top and bottom halves of me are. . .”

“Perfect.” He cut me off. “River, every inch of you is perfect, and I will never see you as anything else. But I have to ask. Did you get those,” He tips his head towards my breast. “Because you wanted them, or because those people forced them on you?”

I lower my eyes for a second before looking at Damian again. I don’t have to hide my eyes from my mate, I know that.

“I was fourteen when I became Wolf Bound, so I’d never really given any thought to altering my body, even though I knew I was female years before. A healer in my pack spoke to me when I was thirteen about humans and how they have gender reassignment surgery, and what that entailed.

“She also told me that it wasn’t possible for Werewolves because of how quickly we heal. Kate mentioned that it could be possible for me to have breast implants, but I’d never be able to change down there.”

I sigh loudly while laying my hands on Damian’s chest.

“I wasn’t given a choice, Damian. Those people didn’t care that I asked them not to do this to me. I hadn’t had the chance to think about it, but they didn’t care. I think they liked that I begged them not to do this so much.”

Damian breathes deeply before pulling me into his arms. It feels so nice to be held by my mate, in the arms of a man I know won’t hurt me.

“I hate that you didn’t have the right to choose this. But I am not disgusted that you have breasts, River, not even slightly. Baby, you are perfect to me.”

Why does he say such sweet things to me?

Am I really this lucky?

“The only good thing about them doing this was that I healed within minutes. I didn’t have to suffer as humans do for weeks.”

Damian laughs, which makes me laugh.

He looks at me and asks, “Can I kiss you now?”

I look at Damian, eyeballs darting from side to side.

“For years, you’ve invaded my dreams. I don’t know how or why it happened the way it did, but the Goddess makes no mistakes. Even in our dreams, we knew we were meant to be mates. Not once did I disbelieve that you were my mate, River, not once.

“When you disappeared and I couldn’t see you when I closed my eyes, it crushed me, River. You were all I ever thought about. Though I didn’t know where you were, I knew I had to find you.

“You’re all I've thought about since I was fifteen years old. My family thought I was crazy for believing the girl in my dreams was my mate, but here you are. I loved you before I even knew you were real.”

I smile while sliding my hands along his thick chest.

“I love you, too, Damian, so much. Kiss me.”

Without letting a second pass, Damian presses his lips to mine. I have waited my whole life for this moment, and I am not disappointed. Damian kisses me like he’s never kissed another person in his life before.

He pulls out of the kiss with a smile, and as if reading my thoughts, he tells me, “I have never kissed anyone else, River.”

I pull away enough to look at him, shock evident on my face at the fact that he just read my mind. “You haven’t?”

“Baby,” Damian kisses me softly. “Why would I when I’ve waited my whole life for you?”

“I waited for you too.”

“So that was a first for both of us.” I nod, even though it wasn’t a question. “Perfect.” Damian mumbles before kissing the shi.t out of me.