Wolf Bound

11 - It wasn't your fault

Damian

“Oh, River,” I whisper.

“I’m so sorry, Damian. I know I should have told you before we mated, and I feel sick because I took that choice away from you.”

I narrow my eyes. I don’t understand what she means.

“Choice?”

“Whether or not to reject me. I should have told you, but I was so scared. I have loved you since I was fifteen, and you were just the man in my dreams at that point. You were so lovely to me when you realized I was born male. You took my hand in that dream, and you kissed my knuckles and told me that you accepted me for me. Goddess, I can’t even describe how happy that made me, how happy you made me.

“Then, when you and I realized it wasn’t just a dream, that we were mates, and one day, we’d find each other, I knew that I would die for you. You made me feel perfect just for being me. That meant everything to me, Damian.”

I smile because I knew that I’d die for River, too. No one will ever understand what those dreams meant to me. Something stopped us from knowing each other’s surnames and which packs we belonged to, that someone was the Moon Goddess. She came to us one night and explained that the time would come for us to be together, but we couldn’t rush things.

Selene knew that if River and I knew where each of us lived, or our surnames, nothing would have stopped us from being together. Goddess knows how badly I wanted to find my mate. Not many are lucky enough to dream of their mate years before it’s legal to seal the mate bond. Most don’t find their mates until after the age of eighteen.

I’ve never questioned why Selene allowed River and me to know we were mates at fifteen. But now I wonder if it wasn’t her way of giving River a reason to fight to live. Most who end up Wolf Bound find a way to die, or they become full Wolf, wild and never to return to the person they once were.

I’ll be forever grateful to Selene for bringing this woman into my life, however that may have been.

“I just wanted you to be mine. I wanted to be the one to love you forever, and for you to love me.” River lets go of a stuttering sob.

I sigh while pulling her into my arms, and River lays her head on my shoulder.

“River, nothing you ever had to tell me would have me rejecting you.” River clutches at my chest, pulling me closer. “What happened with that woman wasn’t your fault. She raped you, River, and that’s on her, not you.”

I stroke my fingers through her light brown hair, and River sniffs.

“No one is ever going to hurt you again, River. One person so much as looks at you the wrong way, and I’ll end them! I don’t think for one moment that you’re weak. I know that you’re not. But you’ve been through something awful, and I just want to protect you. I love you so much, River, and nothing will ever change that.”

“I love you, too.” She mumbles against my neck.

I pull River tighter against my body, rocking her gently, and wishing I had that bitc.h in front of me. I swear to the Moon Goddess Selene that I’ll find everyone who hurt River, and when I do, I’ll tear them apart!

After a moment or two, River shocks the hell out of me by telling me, “She’s pregnant with my child.”

My whole body stiffens and goes cold. I think I’m in shock because even though I feel River pull away from me, I can’t seem to move.

“Damian?” With her hand on my face, River turns me to face her. “I’m so sorry. I understand if this changes how you feel about me. Any children we had should have been born via surrogate, or we could have adopted. Goddess, I’m so, so sorry!”

‘It’s not River’s fault, Damian.’

‘I know that, Dixon,’ I answer my Wolf. ‘I’m just a little shocked here. I just found out my mate was raped and that her rapist is pregnant with River’s child! What are we going to do, Dixon?’

‘Show River and Saltan that we’re here for them no matter what. If our mate has a child on the way, then we need to find that baby and bring them home. That woman doesn’t deserve what will become ours. Because that baby is ours too now, Damian.’

‘We don’t even know if River wants the child, Dixon.’

‘Look at her, Damian.’ I chance a glance at River, and I sigh because she’s staring into space with tears in her eyes. ‘She’s worried, Damian, about the child and what will become of them. What good mother wouldn’t love their child and want to protect them? It doesn’t matter how this child came to be; the fact remains that they are biologically River’s, Damian. We can love the child like our own. All you have to do is trust yourself.’

I cut my Wolf off and turn my attention to River. I can’t get lost in my own thoughts right now; my mate needs me. She needs to know that I’m here for her, and that I always will be. None of what happened was her fault, and I cannot let her believe that it was. My Wolf is right. If River wants her child, then that child is now mine also.

“Baby, look at me,” River turns her head my way, and a tear slips from her eye. My nose burns with emotion. Goddess, this hurts. “Nothing that happened was your fault. What happened to you was wrong, and I am so sorry that I couldn’t find you before all of this happened. I would have saved you from it all if only I could.”

River shakes her head while getting to her knees in front of me.

“Damian, please, it happened, and I can’t change any of it, no matter how much I wish I could. I love you more than anything in this world. You were my guiding light through all of those dark times. You gave me a reason, from the age of fifteen, to keep on fighting.

“No matter what they did to me in that place, none could break me. They couldn’t because I never forgot the man of my dreams, out there somewhere just waiting for me to find him. But you found me, and you saved me, Damian. Regardless of the short amount of time that we’ve known each other in the physical, we’ve been together in here,” she points to her heart. “For years, and that means so much, Damian.”

I stroke the back of my hand down her soft cheek. “I love you, I always have, River. We’re together now, forever and always.”

“But can you forgive me for being unfaithful?”

I smile slightly. “Baby, you weren’t unfaithful. Being raped by a mad woman doesn’t make you unfaithful. Being unfaithful to the person you’re with is a willing choice because you want to be with another person in that way. Having that choice taken from you does not make you a cheat.”

“But you were meant to be my first.” The sadness in River’s eyes makes my heart ache.

“Regardless of what Norma did, I was your first, River, as you were mine. First, last, and only.”

River smiles. “First, last, and only.” She agrees.

“Are you worried about the child?”