Devotion

25

I noticed Ellen helping the caterers with something. She was used to preparing our meals and I knew she was probably having a hard time being our guest tonight. She never seemed to stop moving. I walked over to her and lightly touched her shoulder. "Ellen, you don't have to do anything tonight. We invited you to be part of the celebration."

"I like to help, dear," she said with a smile.

"Please just sit down and enjoy yourself. You do so much for me and James. The caterers can handle all this."

She smiled and patted my cheek. "I just want it to be perfect."

"Thank you." James' parents might not be here, but between Mrs. Caldwell and Ellen, he definitely had a motherly influence. "But really, just relax."

She nodded. "I packed up all your things and James' too for tomorrow. Your suitcases are by the bedroom door. I left his tux and your dress in the closet though. I didn't want them to get wrinkled."

"Thanks, Ellen. You're the best." I gave her a hug.

"Just keep making him happy. I already know I'm going to cry my eyes out during the ceremony tomorrow. James asked me to look over his vows and..." she put her hand over her heart. "He loves you so dearly."

It felt like I had written my vows a thousand times and they still weren't perfect. "Were his funny at all? Or were they completely serious?"

Ellen laughed. "You know I'd never say a word. I need to go make sure they know where the extra glasses are. Then I promise to join the fun."

"Okay."

"Speak from your heart, though, Penny. That's the most important thing." She quickly walked back into the kitchen. There was no way she was actually going to relax tonight.

Speak from your heart. That was better advice than she probably realized. I was pretty sure that meant James' vows were sweet. I'd be the one crying my eyes out, not Ellen. Maybe I needed to take out a few jokes from mine. What had I been thinking?

"I still can't believe this is actually happening," Melissa said from beside me.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. It's just crazy to think my best friend, who never took any risks, slept with her billionaire professor and now they're getting married. It's insane."

"Yeah." I guess?

"Don't you ever just feel like you're going to wake up and all this will be a dream?"

Yes. I glanced at James again. Someone else had stopped him and was hugging him. Maybe one of his friends. "Yeah, sometimes."

"You have to enjoy moments like this. Because they can be taken away like that." She snapped her fingers when she said the word 'that.'

I frowned. Was this seriously her idea of a good conversation for a rehearsal dinner? "What do you mean by that?" I folded my arms in front of my chest. I had almost lost James. We had only just made up this morning. I had already thought about what we had disappearing enough for one day. Especially today of all days.

"I just mean I'm happy that you finally learned how to live in the moment. Now, I'm not quite as sure that you have. What's going on?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I just feel kind of on edge tonight. James is worried Isabella's just going to show up and...I don't know exactly." Hurt us?

"I'm sure that's not going to happen."

"I hope not."

"All I meant was that your life is kind of like a fairytale." She squeezed my arm. "Handsome prince. A castle of an apartment." She smiled. "A happily ever after."

Melissa still didn't know about James' problems. At least, I had never told her. It wasn't something I had shared with anyone. It wasn't my secret to share. Yes, James was the light of my life. But there was darkness there too. Worry. Fear. Especially now that he thought he was addicted to me. I had a pit in my stomach that seemed to be growing by the second. What if James decided at the last minute that he couldn't be with me? That I wasn't good for him because of something he had built up in his head that wasn't true at all?

"Are you okay?" Melissa asked. "You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'm just not feeling very well."

"Maid of honor, at your service. What do you need?"

"A hug."

She laughed. "I think I can arrange that." She put her arms around me and ran her hand up and down my back. "I didn't mean to upset you. If anything, I was just saying how envious I am of you."

"Melissa, I'm so sorry about..."

"No. We're not talking about that until after your honeymoon. Not another word."

I laughed.

"Take a deep breath. And try to do what I thought you were already doing. Enjoy tonight. Remember every second. You only get one rehearsal dinner your whole life. Unless you're James."

I laughed again. "Ugh. God, I've been thinking about that too. I just want all of this to be better than whatever he had with Isabella."

"It's better by default. Because this time he's marrying you." She put her hands on my shoulders and held me at arm's length. "And you, Penny, are my best friend in the world. James is the lucky one."

"Thanks, Melissa."

"You don't think Penny is a little lucky to have wound up with me?" James said with a smile. "Here, take this." He handed me a few pills and a glass of water.

"Of course she's lucky." Melissa squeezed his arm. "You're both lucky. And you're seriously the happiest, cutest, most amazing couple I know. Was any of that good? I'm so nervous about my speech tomorrow. I feel like you're going to be grading me."

James laughed. "Something along those lines would be perfect."

"Oh, good. I'm definitely going to pay attention to Mr. and Mrs. Caldwell's speech tonight to get some ideas on what to say."

"They're giving a speech?" James asked.

"Um, of course. I thought you knew that?'

"No, they didn't say anything to me about it," he said.

"That's really sweet of them," I said and looped my arm in James'.

"They don't have to do that."

"Yeah," I said. "They want to do it. That's the sweet part."

He laughed. "I guess so." He glanced over at Mr. and Mrs. Caldwell. He said he was envious of my childhood. Was he envious of Mason and Matt's too? As far as I could see, Mr. and Mrs. Caldwell had been better parents to him than his own.

Despite how much I thought it might hurt him, James had made the right call. His parents shouldn't be here. Tonight was supposed to be fun with the people we were closest to. That wasn't James' parents. And to me, it seemed pretty clear that that was on them, not James. I was done pushing it. I just wanted us to be happy. We had enough negativity that we couldn't shake. I didn't need to add to it.