Devotion

32

"My wife is manipulative. She knows just what to say to convince anyone of anything. Except you, apparently."

"And what has she been trying to convince me of? That I'm not good enough for her son? I know that." An exasperated laugh escaped my lips. "I know how lucky I am that he chose me. Ever since I've met him, I've been trying to figure that out. But at the same time, I don't think she has any idea who her son really is." I picked up the juice box. I refused to care about what James' father thought about me. I just wanted to be myself. Tonight, that included drinking from a juice box like a little kid. He could deal with it. He had certainly put James through enough hell.

"Neither one of us has ever understood James' motivations. For anything really. My whole life, and my parents' lives before mine...we have always been motivated by money. How to get ahead. How to grow our wealth. No matter who we had to step on. James wasn't like that. He wanted to make a difference. He didn't care about the same things that I did or that his mother did. Actually, none of our kids do really. We were hard on him because we want our name to mean something. As the oldest son, it was his responsibility. Look at Mason and his dad, Max. They had a falling out because Mason refused to take over Max's company. They patched things up, but that was partially because Matt stepped up. Max had another son that wanted the responsibility. One that cared about their legacy. And Rob...Rob doesn't care about anything but himself."

I wasn't sure what made my blood boil more. The talk about legacy and a name that James had only made better, or the fact that he didn't understand Rob at all. f**k him. "The Hunter name does mean something, more so because of James. James started two great companies. Not only do they both make money, but they make a difference like you said he wanted. He was a great professor too. And it made him so happy. If he'd listen to me, he'd still be doing that. As for Rob, you clearly don't know him at all. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know. He cares more about his siblings than himself. He was there for James during some of the worst moments of his life, because he didn't have anyone else. And that includes you. You abandoned him when he needed you the most. I'm lucky that tomorrow I can call Rob a brother. And I'm lucky to be marrying the most caring, strong, and loving person in the world tomorrow. It's a shame that you don't know him. You're the one that is missing out."

He gave me a curious look. "I wasn't trying to upset you."

I took a deep breath. "Then you shouldn't be throwing blind accusations."

"You're good for him. I can tell you're strong. He needs that."

"James is stronger than you give him credit for. He's overcome so much. A lot of which he wouldn't have had to if it weren't for you and your wife."

Jon smiled. "Even if he is strong, it's nice to know you have his back. That you'll fight for him. In our own way, that's what we were trying to do for him when he was younger. We made some mistakes, of course. I realize that. I want to make it better. I want to fix it."

I didn't say anything to that. He wanted to fix it. Just like I had wanted to fix it. But it wasn't up to us, it was up to James.

"And I don't doubt that he was a great professor."

"Why are you saying these things to me instead of him?"

"He wouldn't listen to me. James doesn't give second chances."

"That's not true. He's given me more chances than I can count."

"Maybe only to the people in his life that he loves then."

"If he doesn't love you, it's only because he thinks you don't love him. He's incredibly defensive."

"He gets that from his mother."

"Ugh." s**t. I had not meant to say that out loud. "I mean..."

Jon laughed. "It's fine. She is his mother, though. She always said she knew what was best. Maybe you'll understand when you're a parent. You want what you think is best for your children."

"I think happiness is the most important thing."

He nodded his head. "You're right. Happiness is the most important thing." He paused and stared out into the other room. "You see what it's like to defy her. It's easier to let her have her way. I've been taking the easy way out my whole life. I let her direct my family's lives and mine long enough, though."

"Maybe try taking James' side sometimes. He needs that."

He was quiet for a moment as he stared out into the other room. "Fifteen years ago, I decided to get divorced. I realized my life was built on the wrong foundation. There was no happiness, as you put it. Our house was filled with tension. It didn't feel like a home. Our children did everything they could to be away. We were all miserable. But I didn't want to abandon my family. I didn't want to cop out. It seemed unfair to leave them to suffer and for me to get to escape. Especially when I had helped make our home toxic. When I had sat back and done nothing to make it a real home. I failed as a father. I realize that. I went to my lawyer to file the necessary paperwork, but I couldn't do it. I stayed, but it didn't make anything better. I just suffered alongside of my children. I was hard on James because in reality, I wasn't strong. I wanted him to be better than me. I've always wanted what was best for him. But me staying made me an even worse father. I was hard on all my kids. I took it out on them." He shook his head. "I finally filed the papers with my lawyer this morning. Susan doesn't know. None of my children know. I want to make all of this better. I spent 15 years being a coward. I have a lot to make up for, I realize that. But I'm going to start trying."