Your Imperfections

Chapter 18

“Adian, that is not good at all. You can’t drink. You won’t drink.”

I place a finger under his chin and raise his head. Guilty eyes fall on me. “We all make mistakes. Don’t let it get to you. God is Most Merciful. He forgives every sin except joining partners with Him.”

He falls to the ground. And begins sobbing. I knew this would be coming, because that’s usually what I do when something wrong happens by me. I take out the anger, the frustration by weeping, by staying in denial, by crying to Allah.

Usually I don’t have anyone to calm me down, to comfort me, and a selfish part of me wants to leave him alone on his own so he knows he won’t be doing anything again. Had I not stopped him once by shattering the glass on the floor? I had given him a choice to make, yet he still went for the wrong one.

I bent my legs and took hold of his muscular arms, tugging him upwards. He doesn’t stand to his full height, rather his head remains dipped. I can’t see such a strong Adian, loving Adian like this. I don’t want to leave him alone. Sometimes, what he does to me scares the crap out of me. He made me fall in love with him in weeks, and it could take a snap of his fingers to break my heart.

“Repent, Adian. Weep in front of your Lord. He listens, and He always will listen. Turn to him, because nobody else can help you than He. Make a decision to never do anything like that.”

He sniffs loudly. My heart sinks when he raises his glossy, red eyes to my face. I can see the guilt, the fear of so many things, but can’t name even one of it.

“I don’t deserve you,” he says flatly.

I shudder, because this isn’t Adian. This isn’t my Adian, the Adian I married. This man has turned cold in seconds, whose eyes have gone blank in seconds.

“There are many people who don’t deserve many things, or maybe they think they don’t deserve it, yet they still have them. And I am no better than you. Always remember this. Don’t ever compare yourself with others.”

He continues to stare at me. I smile a sad smile, wishing I would get one in return. Even though it’s not a full one I get, I am glad it was at least a smile.

“It has been a long day,” he sighs, giving me a pat on the shoulder and walking away from me.

I turn to face the mirror, giving myself a once over. I look too weak, too pale. No doubt about that. Thanks to the food I haven’t been consuming. Lately, I’ve been too forgetful, and who forgets to eat? That would be me.