Your Imperfections

Chapter 15

It is funny how just a few words can bring a big goofy smile on your face. At least I wasn’t the only one who thought she is falling in love.

There was still a big hurdle I had to face. Frankly speaking, I wasn’t really looking forward to it. Although I agreed to it—the dinner—but could I really shake away the feeling of bitterness out of my chest?

The car skittles to a halt.

“We’re here,” Adian announces.

“Cool.” I make an effort to push open the door. They’re locked.

“Why aren’t you opening the doors?” My gaze lands on him, and I regret it immediately.

He has something going on in his head since last night. I know he wants answers, reasons for my behavior from earlier. He wants to know what his father did to me.

“Not today,” I say before he asks it again. “Adian I have told you so many times I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“So when then? When you’re in bed with me? When we are having the best moments of our life, will you then stop this attitude of yours and tell me the damn truth?” he snaps.

I stare at him in horror. He—what has he said? When he beds me? Is this the only reason he has been keeping up with my messed up life? I don’t know what to think, what to say, what to do.

I’m seething with anger is all I know. No, clenching my teeth, or balling my fists doesn’t help with the disappointment and hurt he has given me. I actually thought of his family, tried to lock my fears and attend a nice family dinner even if the host was my former tormentor, yet he has got the nerve to snap back at me.

Why do men think they can have whatever they want? Like, Adian is being a jerk and won’t unlock the car doors.

“Open. The. Door,” I hiss through clenched teeth.

He pins me with his intense gaze. I refuse to back away, knowing damn well his tactics and plans to make me spill out all my past just so he can satisfy his ego of being those kinds of husbands who rule their wives.

“Adian I don’t want to talk about this!” I roar. “Open the damn doors!”

He grabs hold of my wrist, the one that was about to strike across his face.

Oh my God

No. . .

Was I really going to slap him?

What has gotten into me lately? Why cant I control myself? I had done such a good job of masking my fears, controlling my emotions, yet with Adian I am vulnerable. I cant seem to keep my tears at bay, like, right now.

The tears burst out like water from a broken tap, making my chin tremble and my heart go wild. Outside, the night makes it more hard for me with its gloominess and the emptiness in the sky which matches my heart right now. Humans are such weak creatures. No matter how strong they try to be, at night they always cry themselves to sleep.

When they lose someone, the grief eats at them, it takes away their happiness, and it takes a whole course of therapy and medicines to get them back on the means of living.

“Fine, you want the truth, then? Now you listen. And don’t you dare comfort me afterwards.” Sucking in a sharp breath, I try to calm myself so I can tell him everything without having any breakdown in between.

“You might know I had a sister—she dies four years ago.” Since my face is towards the window, I can’t tell if he nods or not. “She looked exactly like me, considering we were identical twins. I had been noticing this for quite some time, how your father kept giving me these disgusting smiles that I never ever liked, or how he always talked to me about things. . . I wasn’t comfortable talking about. I was just too young to tell what his intentions were. I apologize to say this, but your father is a heartless, cruel monster that doesn’t deserve to live, in-fact after what he did to my sister, he should be dead, but I seriously want to laugh at this world for letting people like him walk in it.

It was that day when we attended Safa’s wedding, when both of us dressed exactly the same way, same clothes, same hairstyle, and all that. I don’t know how stupid I could be to let her wear the ring I always wore. I guess sometimes it is better to let someone get hurt than give them something when your heart doesn’t agree to it. Maybe it was because I was young, or I don’t really know. Maheen said she wanted to take pictures of her henna with the ring I always wore. So, I lend it to her.

Just when we are about to leave, she wants to go to the bathroom. Dad asked me to stay where I was since the lights were going off. Maheen went alone. And—and she came running towards me after some minutes, sobbing. She fell at my feet. At the same time I saw him, emerging from the same place, looking around worriedly as if he had made a huge mistake. My family were saying goodbye to others. I began crying as well, asking what was wrong with her, why her clothes were torn and why her wrists were bleeding. I noticed a huge s***h on her wrist, and that was the moment when I really knew what fear was. I couldn’t believe she could do this to herself.”

I stop talking. The tears have stopped as well. A bottle is passed to me, and it takes me seconds to drink it empty.

“I remember her words, Adian. I could still not get those cries out of my head. She said, ‘Uncle Sohail! He did that to me! He did it against my will, Aaleyah! And—and he kept on asking me to stop as I yelled for help, but he took your name, not mine!’”

Silence hangs in the car as taut as a string, if I pull it, loud cries would erupt inside the car. My cries. I remember this silence from before, when I used to lay in bed and stare at the empty, unmade one opposite to mine.

I think I might die of grief.

“This isn’t grief.”

Damn it, I said it out loud.

“This is your inner rage, the anger that boils inside you when you think about the past.”

I still don’t look over. But I say, “Gee, thanks.”

I hear the click of the lock, then I am outside as fast as a shooting star, wanting some fresh air to calm me down. I hate sports cars and their too compact seats.

I stare at the house number. Adian stares at me. I feel his eyes on me, and I think I am becoming an expert in knowing when they are on me. Before, these gorgeous eyes made me giddy, now, I hardly feel anything.

Maybe it is the fact that he forced me to speak, or maybe because now that I have spoke it, it seems too real. I can only imagine what my Mum had to go through when she lost her daughter, and I wonder how she had a heart such brave to send her other one far away from her.

You can do this. Don’t let the fear win over you. Fight. Avenge your sister.

My feet make crunching noises as I walk in the chilly night towards the steps and knock on the door. Adians scent evades my nose with a heavy breeze that blows in my direction. As much as I don’t like it, his scent is a reassurance.

The door opens from inside. Aaryaan stands with one hand on the door, and one on the other wall, staring back at me.

“Hey Aaleyah,” he smiles.

Before I can reply, Adian steps forward. Might I add, quite possessively.

“Aaryaan,” he says, both as a warning and a greeting. I resist the urge to roll my eyes at his neurotic behavior.

This over possessiveness only sounds good in books. In reality, I want to test my kick boxing skills on Adian, and hopefully land a few harmful punches on him.

“Come on in, you guys. And Adian? I won’t eat your wife. I have one of my own, and frankly? I love her, man.”

Adian decides to ignore his brother. He waves a hand, silently asking me to follow in. Aaryaan steps aside and gives me space to walk in.

“God, you are such a possessive freak,” I hear Aaryan laugh behind me.

“I think you don’t deserve to say that, considering how you defended your own that day,” Adian retorts back.