Your Imperfections

Chapter 9

I’m smiling. I know my lips are curved upwards because I feel my muscles moving, although I haven’t been fully awake. I feel lost in the two worlds; I feel Adian’s presence, and the effects of the dream I just had.

A girl. I’ve been continuously seeing this little girl with two pony tails skipping around in our house, her tight curls bouncing along with her. And Adian is running after her, laughing as he tries to catch up with her, never actually catching her, but I know he is purposely staying behind so that he can see her laughing and giggling.

I don’t know where I am. I just see the two of them having fun, playing along.

But then I see him.

I gasp. My eyes fly open, and I throw up.

“Oh, thank God you are awake!”

Hands. I feel hands holding back my hair as with every nauseous roll in my stomach, I puke inside the bucket. I also feel the tears streaming down my cheeks.

So much for having a perfect wedding.

“Adian?” I croak, closing my eyes and falling back on the pillows. The tears haven’t stopped, and I don’t stop them either. I don’t care anymore. Don’t care what Adian thinks of me now that he has seen what a party pooper I am. I literally just ruined his wedding.

A cold, wet cloth is placed on my forehead.

“Hey, baby girl. I am here. Please don’t try getting up, because I can’t bare you suffering.”

Oh, poor boy. I hate myself for putting him through so much. I mean, he has all rights to be worried for me. I am his wife after all.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “I ruined the most special day of your life.” Or at least that’s what I think.

“You crazy? I have been going crazy over what happened to you, have been worrying if you’d even wake up or not, and you’re worried if my wedding has been ruined? Damn, Aaleyah.”

Despite my eyes being closed, I can almost see the frown on his face. A face I have been longing to see.

“What were you dreaming about?”

A girl, I want to say, who was quite possibly our daughter. “Nothing special.”

“You suck at lying,” he says, and adds, “Stop biting your lips, that’s how I know you’re lying.”

I have no idea how a person can know so much about you in such a short time. How did he even detect this bad habit of mine so quickly?

“Are you ever gonna open your eyes?” he asks.

“No, I am scared.”

“What? Why?”

“Your beauty might be too much for me.”

“Ha ha.”

So, I open them, only to be met by my beautiful man smiling at me his perfect heart melting smile. I think he only reserves this for me, because I have never seen him smile this bright in front of others.

And I also realize we aren’t in a hospital. Or my bedroom.

“Where are we?” Adian helps me get up, and hands me over two pills along with a glass of cold water.

“Hotel.”

HMM.

“What day is it?”

He looks at me funny. “You could say it is the same day, and the sun has just set, meaning it is our first night as a couple.”

I try to ignore the double meaning of those words. Instead, I reach my head upwards to feel my scarf—only to know it is not there.

I am not wearing a scarf.

My hair is in a messy bun.

Adian has seen my hair.

“Oh—um yeah, um you’ve got pretty hair,” he looks at me uncomfortably, running a hand through his curly dark hair. “I took off your scarf so you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not. I am just, like, not used to guys seeing my hair.”

He raises a sarcastic brow. “Am I just any guy?”

“No, you’re my Prince Charming.”

“Anything else?”

My smile grows bigger. “Can’t remember of anything else.”

He leans forward from where he is seated on the chair beside me, braces his arms on his thighs, and gives me a curious look that almost makes me burst out laughing. “Do you wanna rethink that? I can give you a few seconds.”

This was definitely not how I expected my first night of marriage to be. But hey, I am not complaining.

“Adian!” Oh my God! We had our flight to the UK tonight! “The flight!”

His eyes widen in a warning. “Seriously? Do you think your Dad, and especially your brothers would have let you go? It took me all my energies and logistics to send them back. Thank God your Mom saved us.”

“Really? Did you want your wife all to yourself?” I joke.

He doesn’t find it funny. Rather, his eyes turn dark. “Aaleyah, you really scared me earlier. Not just me, but everyone there. What happened?”

Suddenly, my mouth feels dry, a steel knife appears in my throat, and my heart quickens its speed. I can’t—I won’t let the memories ruin my married life. They already destroyed my Nikah, now I seriously can’t let them ruin me wholly. Nobody except for Dad knows what had happened to me, and that was just because he had literally cried seeing my state of what I was in. How I had turned into a zombie when I refused to talk, eat or drink anything.

“I—I—its normal for me. I’ve been going through this for quite some time, so I guess I am used to this.” Something horrible occurs to me. “Are you—I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this before.”

“What—no that’s totally normal. I also snore while sleeping, so I guess we’re equal.” Those full lips curve upwards, revealing a perfect set of teeth. His warm hand gives me a pat on my own.

Adrenaline pumps through my body. I think my heart tries to break free when someone touches me, if even it let it be my hand alone. That thought makes me shiver. How do I expect him to never touch me? I’m his wife, and he is my husband. He is gonna want more than just touching hands, and I am seriously having panick attacks just with him placing his hand over mine.

I don’t hate it, rather the feeling is welcoming, comforting. But I think my body is still not ready to accept anyone laying hand on it. At all.

Guilt floods my system.

“You’re not the broody man I thought you were,” I half laugh, half chuckle. Maybe if I divert my mind from all this messed up situation, I might actually feel better.

Adian gets up from the bed, and I am actually jealous how gracefully he walks towards the mini fridge. How can someone so young manage to carry themselves with such aura of class. I watch him as he bends over and grabs a water bottle, chugging the whole bottle and crushing the plastic bottle in the process.

“Wow, very American of you.”

He grins with his lips almost touching the bottle. “I don’t live in America, babe.”

I scrunch my nose in distaste. “Don’t call me babe. I seriously hate that word.”

He throws the bottle inside the trashcan. I notice he has changed into sweats and a black t-shirt, and his hair is sort of a cute mess. Also, the lights inside the room are yellow and not white which slightly makes me feel better.

Ohhh it feels so good to stretch my arms over my head! I let them up for some time, and raise my eyes to the heavens.

My arms. Bare. Nothing covering them.

I raise the sheets.

I am wearing a white shirt, and a material which seems like silk covers my legs. Did Adian change my clothes? I really hope he didn’t. but I don’t ask him, because the last thing I want is to make him super uncomfortable.

The jiggling of keys snaps my attention to him.

“I am going to get us some food. Do you want anything else?” he questions.

“No, I am good. Thank you.”

I smile.

He smiles back.

When he leaves, my stomach begins to churn. Why do I feel like something bad is about to happen?

My lower abdomens muscle contracts. I hiss in pain, grabbing that area with my arms.

Panadol. I need Panadol.

Maybe if I run out, I might actually catch Adian. He wouldn’t have gone too far away.

There is a black suitcase that sits on the sofa. I immediately get up, zip it open and find a jilbab I had once bought when I would need it in situations like these. It takes me half a minute to throw it on, along with my scarf and I run outside.

When I figure my way of finding the lobby, I notice that outside it is pitch dark. I’m almost about to ask the guy at the front desk to guide me where the parking lot is when something catches my eye.

At the far end corner of the lobby where the lights are dim is stood Adian. I see his back, and I see a woman that he is talking to. She laughs at something he says, and flips her long hair back, revealing her bare neck and the diamond choker probably choking her.

My fists curl. My nostrils flare. Although the tears threaten to spill, I don’t let them. Maybe she is just a friend. Or maybe she is more then a friend.

No. Adian couldn’t do this. We got married today, and he is not like the first impression I had of him. He cares for me, that is for sure.

I kick my feet into action. She is just a friend, I keep chanting in my head.

7 feet.

5 feet.

3 feet left—and then I stop dead.

She hugs him. She hugged my man. How dare she hug my man. He is MY MAN. My HUSBAND.

My vision explodes with red. I made a mistake. How could I think a man who has lived his life in a world where dating and Zina is common, could actually be loyal and religious? I know I shouldn’t assume, because assumptions can ruin your relation. Imposing a lie on someone is just as bad. But how can one deny what they see?

I see, with these eyes the truth before me. I watch my husband wrap his own arms around her waist and burying his face in his hair. She looks delirious, like she is having the best moments of her life.

I, however can’t bare this shamefulness at all.

“What the heck Adian?” I say aloud in disbelief. I’m not even mad anymore, I don’t even want to cry, because anger is brimming inside me, almost on the verge to spill.