Her love, His curse

2 - Her thoughts

Christian

I sit staring at my laptop screen, my finger hovering over the play button. I pushed the USB into my laptop ten minutes ago, but I still haven’t plucked up the courage to see what’s on the damn thing.

Evie’s face on pause, stares back at me. I can already tell that the first video was shot when she was seventeen. She’s in her bedroom. It’s easy to see she’s in her room; they haven’t changed it one little bit since she was thirteen. Plus, I can see her bed behind her, and the picture of Evangeline with her brothers hanging above it.

The light in her eyes and the smile on her face tell me she was happy then. I haven’t seen her smile like that in years.

When did she stop smiling like that?

Do I even remember?

I don’t. But now that I know she was attacked, I realize that’s when she stopped smiling. That’s when a confused teenager’s words became words that cut so deeply they left irreparable scars on my heart.

I breathe deeply and press play. Whatever is on this USB, I need to hear it.

The screen comes to life, and Evangeline shifts in her seat.

She clears her throat, then smiles. ‘Okay,’ she says, blowing out a breath. ‘Christian, I know you’re probably wondering why I’m speaking to you like this. Aren’t you?’ She giggles. ‘I can just imagine your face right now, thinking I’m crazy for doing this when I could just tell you to your face how I feel.’

My heart is hammering, and I don’t know why.

‘Well,’ Evangeline giggles. ‘I wanted to give you this as a present just before our mating ceremony. I wanted you to know that all those times I said mean things to you when I was a kid, I didn’t mean them, Christian. I was confused. You were so much older than me, and it felt strange back then, knowing you were my mate.’

It was strange for me too, knowing my mate was ten years my junior. It was awful when I was fifteen, and she was five. I didn’t understand any better than she did, but I had ten more years to get used to it. I loved her as a child as much as a cousin would love another. I didn’t feel anything more for her until she was seventeen. That was when I began to realize she would one day be mine. I had no problem waiting until she was eighteen. But it all went to shi.t all too soon.

‘I’m sorry for the things I said,’ she continues. ‘I didn’t mean them, Christian. They were just the words of a confused child. But for the past six months, I haven’t said anything mean. Right? And not because we haven’t seen each other much.” She laughs.

She’s right. For months, Evangeline didn’t say one word against me. When she saw me, she was polite and even smiled at me. I thought that meant she was coming around to the idea of us being mates.

‘Do you know why I suddenly changed?’

“Yes,” I answer out loud, even though she can’t hear me.

‘Because I realized something recently.’ She swallows hard and smiles. ‘I realized that I was lucky – lucky to have been bound to you. The Gods know you’re so handsome it should be criminal!’ She laughs, and I can’t help smiling. ‘But more than that, you’re kind, compassionate, strong and powerful, and you make me smile even when you’re not trying to. The truth is that I’ve fallen in love with you, Christian.’

My heart hammers at her words. I’ve heard her say she loves me before—when I was locked in the dungeon after I attacked my brother because I couldn’t deal with my pain, and tonight when she thought I was nothing more than a hallucination. But this was recorded six years ago, before the poisoning, before she hurt me the way she did, and her confession hits me right in the chest. It feels different now. Heavier. Too late.

Evangeline on screen giggles. ‘I can’t wait for my eighteenth birthday. I’m going to come to Blue Fire on that day, look at you, and finally feel the mate bond. I’m going to run into your arms, tell you how much I love you, and kiss the breath out of you.’

I smile despite the pain inside. There was once a time I would have given anything for that to happen.

‘I’ll dream of you every night, my love.’ She says before the screen goes black for a second, then another video starts.

This time, the vibrant, happy Evangeline is gone. In her place sits a visibly upset, terrified young woman, and the shift hits me hard.

‘Christian,’ her voice cracks before she coughs it away. ‘I wish you were here to tell me that what happened wasn’t my fault. I wish I could finally feel your arms around me.’ Her eyes are red from crying, and from what she just said, I know this was recorded just after her attack.

I close my eyes for a second. I wish she’d told me what happened back then. I would have held her and soothed her tears. I would have made her understand that nothing could have come between us if only she had put her trust in me. Instead, she carried it alone, and I missed the chance to help her.

I open my eyes and blow out a breath.

‘We can’t be together, Christian.’ I clench my teeth as anger fills my veins. ‘Something happened to me. Something I don’t have the courage to say to your face. I know I’m a coward, but I’m ashamed, Christian. The truth is, for the last few weeks, a certain God, one I can’t bear to say the name of, has been threatening me and refusing to leave me alone. He said he wanted me to be his mate. I never betrayed you, Christian. I love you so much, and I would never…’ She hangs her head and sniffs.

My whole body is vibrating with anger. Not at Evie this time, but at the bastard who did this to her.

‘I refused his advances,’ she continues. ‘But a couple of days ago, while I was on my way to see you… I was coming to see you because I wanted to talk to you before my birthday. I wanted to tell you the truth of my feelings to your face instead of leaving you hanging and wondering.’

If only she had…

‘My mind wasn’t on my surroundings. All I could think about was you and what you’d say when I told you that I loved you and wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. I couldn’t wait for you to tell me that you loved me, too.’

She’ll never know how much I wish that had happened.

‘He grabbed me from behind. I tried to fight him off, but he did something to me that left me powerless. No matter how many times I tried, nothing worked. He dragged me somewhere and assaulted me,’ she closes her eyes and sobs, and the words hit me like a blow.

My gut drops because something like her being assaulted never entered my head. Yes, I was told that she was attacked, but I didn’t think they meant…

What the hell is wrong with me?

When did I become so stupid?

What did she go through?

Gods, no wonder she was so messed up!

She sniffs, and I force myself to look at the screen again. ‘I thought he was going to r**e me, Christian. He didn’t; I fought him, and my dad arrived in time to rip him away from me. But he wasn’t quick enough to stop that monster from stabbing me with a poisoned blade. It’s bad, Christian. No one can help me. Believe me, over the last few days, my whole family has tried everything to remove the poison. Uncle Zeus said no one can do anything for me.

‘I’m dying, Christian, and I won’t force our bond when I won’t live long enough to enjoy life with you. I know before the end, you’ll hate me. But I’d rather that than you hurting while you watch me fade away. I don’t want to cause you pain, Christian. It’s the last thing I want, but I can’t let you bond with me when I know it would mean you dying with me. I’ll find a way to break our bond before the end, I promise. You’ll be free to live your life and fall in love again. Oh, Gods, I don’t know what to do!’ She sobs loudly.

I clench my teeth because I can feel her pain and confusion as if it were my own. Gods, she was all alone without me, dealing with this fear and torment.

‘I love you with all that I am, Christian, but I won’t…’ she breathes deeply. ‘I swear, I’ll find a way to break our bond. If it’s the last thing I do, I will. You deserve a mate who will always be with you. What you don’t deserve is to watch me slowly dying. I know you, Christian. If I told you about this face to face, you’d insist on being with me, no matter what. But I can’t allow it. You’ll die, and I will not let that happen. There will be times when you want to kill me. The things I need to do to push you away and make you hate me will hurt you. I can’t let you break the mate bond, not until I find a way around it, because we’re bound by the Gods. If you try, it will kill you, and I won’t risk anything happening to you. I would never rest in the afterlife if that happened.’

I close my eyes when she sobs again.

The room is suddenly silent before another video plays. Each new video is much the same: Evangeline apologizing for how she treated me on the days we saw each other, and for the things she said to push me away. The pain in her voice cuts me inside. It keeps building, video after video, until I can barely breathe.

The last video finally plays, and I can see this was filmed very recently.

She looks like a ghost, pale and drawn. She’s propped up in bed and looking directly at the camera as if she were looking me right in the eye.

‘Hi, Christian. This is my final goodbye.’ Her voice is croaky, as if it’s hard for her to speak. And it’s only now that I notice the black veins across her chest leading up to her neck. They look worse than anything before, and dread crashes through me.

Shi.t, how did I never see them before?

‘Christian, by the time you see this, I’ll be gone. I just wanted to thank you for loving me as you once did. It meant everything to me. Thank you for being true to yourself and not giving in to pressure. You were right not to help me.

‘I have finally found a way to break our bond. Athan will bring the truth to you right before I take my last breath. You won’t feel me leave this life. You won’t feel any pain, but you will finally be free. So, if you’re seeing this, then the bond is broken, and I am dead. I wanted you to know the truth: that I did love you, and I only did what I did to save you from more pain than you could have borne in watching me die. Live well, Christian; that’s all I want for you. When you find someone to love, love them well. Don’t hold onto the past because it doesn’t belong here anymore. I didn’t push you away so you could wallow. Be happy, Christian. Be happy, my heart.’

The screen goes black for the final time, and I stare at it in a daze. Watching those videos didn’t ease the pain inside me. It intensified it. She didn’t have to lie to me. She could have told me the truth of what happened all those years ago. Maybe if Evangeline had been older, and we were already mated, none of this would have happened. But it did, and I can’t change any of it. I left my mate to die when I could have saved her.

What the hell have I done?