A Pirate's Song.

Chapter Nineteen.

When we returned to the ship sometime close to dawn, Ben and Rebecca dragged a passed out Nolan below deck, leaving me alone with Caleb who had been silently brooding all night, as if contemplating something over and over again in the back of his mind.

I headed to the Captain’s quarters, rubbing at my aching neck muscles as I descended the steps only to pause on the bottom one at the sight of the dress laid out on the surface of the bed.

My feet carried me towards it, the gold and yellow silk material standing out against the orange light of the candles. I stopped directly in front of it, my hand moving to allow my fingers to caress the delicate beading, the pearls that decorated the bodice and neckline. The tool and white lace that formed ruffles on the sweetheart neckline and at the bottom of the dress skirt.

It was beautiful, beyond anything I had ever seen before, beyond anything Deacon had ever bought for me to wear in the past.

Caleb stilled on the steps, watching me, his eyes moving from my figure to my arm and finally to the dress.

“I had it made for Mary-.” I gently pulled my hand away at the mention of her name, not wanting to taint what was meant to be hers with my hands.

I looked at him, my eyes searching his as he leaned against the wall with his arm propped up beside his head. He noticed my sudden retreat, at first letting his eyes roam over me before he pushed off the wall and walked to stand beside me, his eyes landing on the gown. There was a pause as he reached for it, scooping it up into one hand.

“I want ye to have it” he held the dress out for me to take. I took a staggered step back, not sure if he really wanted me to take it. Our eyes met, neither of us drunk, neither irritated or angry but instead calm, gentle towards one another.

His golden depths all but pleaded with me to take it and after some time, after remembering the effort he had put into finding it for me by letting his entire crew search for the chest, I gently took the gown from his hands, holding it up in front of me with the skirt pressed up against my stomach and thighs.

“It’s beautiful” I imagined the dress being something she would’ve married him in, a gown grand enough for a queen that must’ve cost him everything he had just to have it made. My fingers danced through the silk, knitting in it as I marveled the sight of it.

“Try it on” he urged to which I met his eyes with shock in my own. I hadn’t expected him to ever want to see me in the dress, let alone try it on in front of him. I glanced at the dress, swallowing hard as I nodded my head once, sharply.

I sat it down on the bed and turned to slip out of my white dress, feeling his eyes roaming my skin when I bent to slip the material off of my legs and then reached for the gown. I undid the delicate lacing, tugging my hair over one shoulder while I worked, sneaking a glance back at Caleb to find his eyes moving from my bare back to my rear, to my legs and arms. When he noticed that I had caught him staring, he cleared his throat and turned his head, looking at the dresser instead. I bent to step into the dress, first with one leg then the other until I could tug the material up, along my shaved legs and over my curvy hips. I held the corset close to my chest with one arm and tried reaching behind me with the other to attempt to tie the silk strands but I couldn’t.

Two hands interrupted mine when Caleb stepped closer, his fingers wrapping the silk around them as if he had tied corsets a million times before. I let my hand drop to my side, nervously picking at the fabric as I bit my bottom lip, hoping that I could at least do the dress justice. He pulled on the strings and I gasped, not used to how noblewoman wore such restrictive clothing.

I let the breath out in a long drawl as he finished tying off the strands, the warmth of his body leaving me when he took a large step back as if to tell me that he was done.

I squeezed my eyes shut, turning slowly as if to prepare myself for whatever insult he would throw at me but there was nothing, no insult, no words, not even a single uttered sound.

My eyes opened to look at Caleb who was taking me in, all of me, from my facial features to the tops of my breasts, my narrow waist and round hips.

“Caleb?” I asked in a breath of air, my voice as low as that of a whisper. He blinked, snapping out of his daze when his eyes landed back on my face. He turned so that his shoulder was to me and shook his head.

“Take it off” it was a mutter at first, one that I thought I had misheard, stepping towards him to with my hands gripping the skirt of my dress so that I could move in it.

“What?” I asked again, not sure if I had heard him right. He seemed distraught, confused and agitated as he glanced from me to the floor, raising his hand to motion towards the dress that I was wearing.

“Take it off!” he snapped, louder, clearer this time. I shot up straight, the calming atmosphere from earlier replaced with an instantly feral and wild one. My narrowed eyes searched the bedsheets beside me as my chest rose and fell when anger shot straight through me, starting at my chest and vibrating out to my fingertips and toes.

“Fine” I turned, my hands moving to fiddle with the strands that he had tied in the back, when they were halfway undone, his hand shot out to grab hold of my wrist, clamping down on it like cold iron.

I turned to look up at him, nostrils flaring and eyes filled with fury but he cut me off before I could speak.

My eyes widened when he pulled me closer, one arm around my waist while the other tangled in my hair, tilting my head back to hungrily press his lips against mine. I wanted to fight him, to fight the feelings that circled in my chest but I couldn’t. I melted into him, my eyes closing and hands moving to caress his bare chest and shoulders.

Sparks igniting along my skin, trailing up and down my spine and radiating out from my lips. My hands cupped either side of his face, holding him there, in place as our tongues fought for dominance, our ragged and rushed breaths mingling. I could feel his heart hammering in his chest that was pressed up against mine as his hand moved to further untie the lint on the back of the dress, desperate to feel me, to touch me.

I broke away from him, gasping when he trailed kisses along my neck, pushing me back into the night table, causing the book and locket to clutter to the floor around us. My fingers dug into his hair, pulling at the strands when he bit my neck, sucking, kissing, tasting me.

I closed my eyes, never before having been so sure of wanting something than I had been in that moment of wanting him.

I was half sat on top of the night table with him in between my legs, kissing the side of my neck as I clung to him, desperate for all he had to offer, for all of him.

“Mary” he groaned, my eyes shooting open as I froze, my muscles tensing at the sound of her name on his lips.

I pushed him back, sending him away a few steps so that I could stand up straight, my arm wrapped around the bodice to stop it from slipping down since it was fully undone. At first he looked confused, his eyebrows furrowed up as he glanced at me then realization filled the golden depths of his eyes which was followed by instant regret.

“Evangeline, I-.” I cut him off, my feet moving on their own accord as I pushed my way past him. He reached for my arm, turning to stop me in my haste to retreat to the bathroom but I pulled it away from him, my eyes glazing over with unwanted tears as I met his.

“Don’t touch me” I whispered, my voice breaking and my bottom lip quivering. He looked at me, his eyes growing dull as they roamed my features, his outstretched hand lowering to his side as if to tell me to go, as if to say that he wouldn’t follow me.

I turned to head for the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me. As soon as it was closed I slid down it, my hand moving to cup my lips as I realized that all I would ever be to him was a replacement for Mary.

I tore the dress from my body, suddenly hating it from where I had left it in a messy pile on the floor.

My eyes locked onto my own reflection in the mirror that hung above the bowl of water to find her face staring back at me.

Her mismatched eyes, her small button nose, her plum pink lips.

I crumbled to my knees, too afraid to look at my own reflection. I hated it, I hated the sight of my face that looked so much like hers, I hated my eyes, my nose, my mouth. I wasn’t me, I wasn’t Evangeline, to everyone else I was simply Mary, the Mary they were trying to replace.

I curled in on myself, resting my forehead against my knees as I wept, staying there until well into the late morning hours, naked and broken.

To think that I was going to give him all of me, my maiden head, my heart. I trembled, furious with myself for ever thinking that he could be the man worthy of such a precious gift.

He was a pirate Captain and I was merely the reincarnation of a noblewoman.