Ghosts that Watch Us

9

As the semester advanced toward Christmas, Ellory started to see his research take shape. He was getting closer and closer to publication--he should be able to complete his paper by the start of summer, if his upcoming trip to Mexico City went well. After all, while Chase and Sean and the whole damned university had gotten what they wanted out of Ellory, he still had his own work to get on with. Each publication helped cement his position at the university, and even with an advanced doctorate under his belt he didn’t feel that his future was secure until he obtained tenure-bound professorship.

Sean made himself scarce in the handful of weeks leading up to the holiday break. Either he was avoiding Ellory or he was actually busy. But considering how the man had underhanded him and gone to the dean himself about Chase, Ellory figured he was avoiding him. And it was with a heavy heart that Ellory continued to look out for him in the halls, because despite his rage at Sean getting his way by simple brown-nosing, Ellory couldn’t help the flutter of emotion that bubbled in his chest when Sean was focused on him. 

Ellory couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have Sean as a friend, as someone who lent his support instead of his ire. Sean was charming, and when Ellory watched the way Sean interacted with others he almost wished he was able to fall under that spell. He wondered what kissing Sean would be like, if he would be rough with his affection, as that big body of his alluded to, or if he would be gentle, conscious of his strength and the damage he might cause. He tried not to think too hard about it.

He still spied Sean and his coaching staff running drills with the team, of course, whistles blowing, shouts caught in the wind so that they met Ellory’s ears in soft echoes. Puffs of white air billowed around the players, who grunted and screamed with every violent collision, wooden sticks clacking loudly. He wondered how Sean always looked so at ease in the cold, wearing only loose shorts and a cotton tank even after Halloween had passed, muscled arms jumping as he clapped and cheered his players on. Plumes of white breath, brown hair tucked in a quick bun, shades on, Sean ambled along the sideline, voice cavernous and resonant enough to reach Ellory even from where he stood. Ellory appreciated the cold well enough, preferred it actually, but there was something unnerving – fascinating – about the apparent inner warmth the man had to have to walk around so exposed in the early winter. Tucking his scarf tighter around his neck, Ellory would stare down the hill at the field until with a startled gasp, he would dart away as soon as Sean turned and glanced up at him.

Delia began fine-tuning the arrangements for their March Mexico trip as Thanksgiving approached, though Ellory told her several times that he could do it. She booked the flights, reserved their hotel rooms, and organized their schedule at the church and around the city. Eternally grateful, Ellory bought her a gift card to their favorite coffee shop, as well as a new scarf to match the purple cashmere sweater she loved so much. When summer rolled around he’d lose her to the wider world, to whatever lucky university hired her on, and he wanted to show his appreciation for all she did for him. He didn’t ask so many of these things of her; they were seemingly borne of a natural desire to be of help and he doubted he would ever find another assistant like her. She was getting him in the habit of expecting grand things from people. 

It snowed for the first time in mid-November, thanks to an unseasonable cold front. People seemed to be more interested in playing in the snow than complaining, and Ellory certainly enjoyed the familiar ambiance. The dusting of white settled in the lattices on the cottage windows and paved the garden path, making it feel like it was truly home. It was early the morning after the snow when Ellory was making his way up the front steps of the Administration Building that he heard the tiny screams. Nearly at the door, he spun around to see two young toddlers, probably three or four years of age, sprawled out on the icy sidewalk, legs and arms tangled. Their mother, laden with heavy bags, was speaking gently to them, urging them to get up on their own. The twins tried but kept slipping, screaming again, their red-mittened hands useless on the pavement.

 Ellory was just about to move and help them when Sean sprinted out of nowhere and scooped the children up with a playful whoop, both squealing with laughter as he propped them up in his arms. The mother stiffened slightly, but after realizing he only meant to help smiled gratefully at him. The brother and sister babbled to each other, hands flitting over Sean’s long hair, he and the mother speaking too low for Ellory to make out. He watched as she directed Sean to her car in the lot, where he set the children down carefully on the asphalt, rubbing their heads with a grin. The woman drove off and Sean started back toward the building, but Ellory was already inside the door, peering through the window as Sean glanced up at the steps before heading the opposite way to the fields. For a moment Sean seemed less like the big, bad wolf and more like the gentle hunstman, swooping in to save the day with a smile that lit up the grandma’s entire cabin. Ellory ached to be smiled at like that again.