This is what you’re doing to me

day 1: my earliest memory

Day 1: My earliest memory

January, 2nd 2017

“He’s so fluffy” I bubble, running my fingers through Fluffy the cats thick fur. I’m lying flat on my stomach, legs crossed, swinging in the air. “I know, that’s why he’s named Fluffy lol” Oce laughs. 

Oce was Jake’s first serious girlfriend. Oce and I both lay, flat on our stomachs, our hands running through Fluffy’s thick fur. Everything is peaceful, until the loud thud of the Donga door slamming shut, startles me. “Can you two play somewhere else! I Wanna play some Xbox” Jake breathes, in a huff. 

Without arguing, we both jump up from the bed. “Let’s go into the kitchen” Oce suggests, nodding towards the door. I gently scoop up Fluffy, into both of my arms and follow Oce into the kitchen. Minutes go by, Oce is sitting on a chair at the kitchen’s table. I am sat, on the floor with my legs crossed, dangling Fluffy’s favourite toy in front of his face. “That’s not fair! We were there first” Oce protests. “Yeah” I nod back, agreeing. She arises from her seat and stomps back into the bedroom. 

I get up, trailing slowly behind her. – I was only 12 years old back then, Oce was 15. She was like the fun older sister I never had, I’d follow her around like a lost puppy- i stop, lingering in the doorway. Oce has perched herself right in front the TV, her arms crossed against her chest. “Can you move” Jake groans, leaning his body towards the side, trying to see past her. She ignores his complaint. Instead she turns around and kneels down onto the floor, in front of the power point. The TV screen goes black. Oce arises, her hand holding the end of the TV’s power cord. “WHAT THE f**k” Jake curses, sliding off of the bed.His face has gone bright red, as if he is going to explode. He reaches his arm over in a rush, snatching the power cord from oce’s hand.

 Jake is now positioned inches from Oce’s face. His left hand gripping onto the power cord ever so tightly. In that second, up comes his right hand, as he violently punches the wall next to him with rage. Swear words escape from his lips with fury and rage. I stand there, eyes wide with fear, hovering in the door way, confused.

That was my earliest memory of so called “Love”. I couldn’t understand why my own brother, own blood, would get so angry he’d resort to punching a hole into the wall. With me only being 12 years old, i had no idea what was truly going on. That night i told myself "it's ok, people get angry sometimes, they say things they don't mean. it'll be ok"

As the weeks went by, Jake's anger slowly got stronger. 

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