THE YEAR I TURNED TWENTY TILL I DIE

who she is

This book is about a young woman who is about to be twenty years old ,who has a doubt of what her existence is as she sometimes feels invisible and sometimes seen ,she is the fifth child out of seven kids ,she has never dated ,she has a very big respect for her parents,that she even made sure that she trained herself not to worry them because she knows how hard they have tried , from taking her to a private highschool,to making sure she was well feed and taking care of her when she is sick ,to taking them abroad when they where little for holiday ,she is someone who takes her Christian life seriously has she calls her self a disciple ,she is someone who people can learn from and relate too has she has made many terrible funny and crazy decisions growing up ,from hating herself,to loving her self to even wanting to be alone ,to wanting to be surrounded,to crying in quite places ,to laughing in public,to wishing her death and not wake up the next day ,to being grateful to God that she gets to see the light of the day ,to feeling beautiful,to feeling ugly, to feeling strong ,to feeling weak ,to feeling lazy to feeling hardworking,to acting loud to acting quite ,to believing in friendship and to losing interest in friendship, to feeling unworthy to feel worthy,to having anxiety to having calm days ,to feeling insecure to feeling secure ,from being prayerful to being scared of praying or unworthy of asking God for anything to hating being a girl to loving being a girl ,to feeling dumb to feeling smart ,to feeling wanted to feeling unwanted ,to feeling scared to feeling Bold ,to feeling being misunderstood and feeling understood,to feeling successful to feeling unsuccessful, but as she is about to turn twenty she has decided to change somethings about her ,grow ,live ,love ,care for God and her self, because as a person studying music in the university of Lagos in Nigeria,she has been looked down on by Soo many people she has been questioned for her choice of course, and one thing she found unfear something's is that if it was another course they won't ask the same thing but say wow that's impressive, funny how the irony in this was that in the first place music was one of the things she wanted to do later in her life and not study it because in a place like Nigeria it is a very lazy and unsuccessful choice of course ,that even her herself believe it so but once she was about to write jamb and waec her last day in highschool she remembered praying to God because she was So confused with what she wanted so she wrote jamb and she was this very serious student because she already felt small from small because she has to go back in class while in junior school,Soo she was a very insecure person from small that she didn't step out of her class aside from going to toilet, and closing time,so she wrote mock jamb but she got 238 and she believed in her heart that maybe she didn't try enough that's why things her like that so she read again and she wrote the real jamb because jamb Mock was just like a tutorial for jamb ,so I remember the night she saw her jamb score she was sleeping and her twin brother helped her check it ,yess she is a twin and her twin is success well later in the story this twins name will be very significant,as the story continues her twin checked it and has he checked it he woke her up and told her that she got 238 again,well it was a very painful experience for her has she studied,she even told her dad that the exam was very easy ,well she Cried and told her little sister semi to bring knife for , funny how her little sister did bring it but it was a blunt knife,so her younger sister Gave her the knife and was waiting for her to see what she will very crazy little sister,so she told her dad funny and surprisingly her dad said you tried ,stop crying, you see why she respects her dad but funny how her dad still used it to abuse her a little in a part of the course of her life so her dad told her yes you tried but it is too low for law and she had not written waec then so her dad made her change her course in a jamb centre and she changed it to creative Arts, flashback there was actually a time when she was about to register for jamb before everything happened one of her highschool mate , Said something to her when he saw her choice of university and course and he asked her is this what you want then she replied well me and my dad are still seeing how it goes , and then he said why don't you pick creative arts then that was the end of that,but this flashback was later significant because she remembered it when she already gain admission and was like if this are not signs from heaven then what is from her writing mock jamb and jamb and it being the same and her dad being supportive and nice to her even with her choice of course ,to her class mate from High school telling her ,If this her not signs from God then what is ,she has always felt like what is her purpose, what even made her sure of what she wanted was when her little sister told her that when they went out and they passed a music school gift said that "oh I wish I could go there "subconsciously with out her knowing ,there was even a time her dad was dropping her in school and there was a banner of instruments and singing Gift was like hmmm if only that music wasn't a course people look down on in university or in the country I will go ,she douged it in her mind but if she knew God listens more than we could ever fathom ,he knows what we want and need and gives to us because for me what I wanted was law but what I needed was music because I love singing I loved being able to sing ,buttt when she got to university she really knew that she needs to work hard in this music course it was really looked down on And even the fact that there was very sexually harassing news in her department truth be told she has seen it and heard from ladies that fell has victim maybe because of there shape , beautiful or any other things Taiwo really felt that it was very much ok and grateful because she looked really small that the first day of her lectures the lecturer was like what is this small girl doing here ,but I told him I wasn't that small which was very much true because her height was giving her a small stature ,so also she knew she needed God so much for her course because she didn't know anything because the old school she went to didn't teach anything relating to music since she has been there for 11 whole years of her life , isn't that crazy she was going for something she wasn't sure if she will succeed or not because when she first entered she felt like she was lied to because she didn't know they will be singing mostly classical songs and that she will have to know how to sight read songs ,it was a crazy world for her....