Addicted to What I Fear

I would not dream of it

Lena’s pov

“Do you live up there?” Jaxon asked, nodding toward a house at the end of the street. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned pale.

“Yes,” I admitted, my voice small. “But you really do not need to drive me all the way…” I gave an awkward laugh, then glanced nervously at his stern profile.

“Why not?”

“Because… my roommates will freak out if they see you.”

One of his brows lifted. “Fans of mine?”

Fans? What was he even talking about?

“I am kind of well known around campus,” he added casually.

“You… you are?”

“Yes.”

The arrogance in his tone nearly made me roll my eyes.

I swallowed. “Well, that is not the reason.”

“Then what is?”

Heat crept up my neck, and I shook my head. “Never mind.”

“Out with it, Lena,” he sighed.

“Fine.” I closed my eyes, blurting before I lost the nerve. “I have never brought a guy home before, and my roommates… well, they are going to…” The words caught in my throat. I could not finish.

My heart raced. I felt ridiculous. Tessa and Sienna had always called me hopeless when it came to guys, and if Jaxon walked through that front door with me, they would never let me live it down.

They would tease me mercilessly, accusing me of having a crush on him. And maybe they would not be entirely wrong. Jaxon was far from ordinary. But that was exactly why this would be a disaster.

Tessa would probably laugh and say this group project was the closest I would ever get to dating someone attractive. And maybe she was right.

It was not like men were lining up for me.

Tessa and Sienna were gorgeous, outgoing, and effortlessly magnetic. They always dated guys who looked like they belonged in movies, while I was the short, plain-faced introvert who could barely hold a conversation without tripping over her own tongue.

It was not that I wanted to die alone. I just… was not beautiful. And my roommates never missed an opportunity to remind me of that.

“I am coming inside,” Jaxon announced suddenly.

My head shot up. “What?”

“You heard me.”

Before I could protest, he had already pulled into the driveway and parked. He climbed out, grabbed my bag, and started toward the porch.

“What are you doing?” I scrambled after him, nearly jogging to keep pace with his long strides. “You do not have to come in. You can just leave, really, it is fine.”

He glanced down at me but said nothing. Instead, he pushed the front door open and stepped inside as if he owned the place.

The door closed behind us.

Footsteps echoed from down the hall, and before I had time to panic, Tessa appeared.

Oh no.

She leaned against the wall, eyes widening before she pressed a dramatic hand to her chest. Her gaze swept Jaxon up and down, then cut to me with a wicked little smile.

“Oh, my, oh, my.” Her voice dripped with mockery. “Lena, are you dating Jaxon Blackwood now?”

I wanted the floor to swallow me whole.

Tessa knew very well I had never dated anyone, and she said it in that tone, as if I had choices. The smirk spreading across her face made my stomach twist. She was enjoying every second of my humiliation.

Why did she have to be here?

Tessa would make Jaxon think I was some kind of joke. I could already feel the sting of tears behind my eyes.

And then it got worse.

Sienna stepped out from the kitchen, her mouth falling open the instant she spotted him.

“Well, hello there.” Her eyes roamed Jaxon shamelessly, every word thick with interest. “I did not realise our roommate was friends with the Dashing Devils’ quarterback. How do you two even know each other?”

Quarterback?

Oh my God. As if I was not already feeling out of place, of course Jaxon Blackwood has to be the star quarterback.

I glance up, bracing for his usual cocky smirk, but instead, Jaxon is smiling. Something about it feels forced, though.

“Lena and I are best friends. In fact…”

My mind shuts down when Jaxon suddenly lifts me straight off the ground.

What in the actual hell?

He is unbelievably strong. I have never been carried like this before, but somehow my legs hook around his trim waist on instinct. His cologne surrounds me, and my heart pounds against my ribs when his mouth suddenly presses against mine.

Holy. s**t.

Jaxon Blackwood is kissing me.

And not just a quick brush of lips. No, he parts my mouth with his tongue and steals every last thought from my head in one, deep, consuming kiss.

Oh God…

He knows exactly what he is doing. The kiss is heated and overwhelming, and the taste of him sends shivers racing across my skin. I said I could not stand this guy, yet here I am, melting in his arms like I have been waiting for this moment all along.

It feels like sparks are breaking loose between us, and I nearly beg him not to stop when he finally pulls back.

I am breathless. My heart is racing. I just stare at him. And he stares back, looking… I was almost surprised.

Or am I imagining that? Wait…is he blushing?

We keep blinking at each other like complete fools. My hands are still resting on his broad shoulders, while his arms remain around me. Neither of us makes the first move to step away.

I stay in his hold.

He keeps me there.

The spell is only broken when Sienna clears her throat and tugs Tessa into the kitchen. Before they disappear, I catch their faces, both wide-eyed, mouths hanging open.

A second later, I hear Tessa’s voice carrying from the kitchen, half-yelling, half-whispering, “Holy crap, Lena is dating the hottest guy on campus! How the hell did she pull that off?”

“I know!” Sienna shoots back, her voice just as loud. “She is ridiculously lucky!”

Their words make my stomach twist. I dare a glance at Jaxon. He is still blinking at me like he is trying to make sense of what just happened, though he is the one who kissed me in the first place.

What is going through that maddeningly handsome head of his?

I meet his eyes.

He meets mine.

And then, finally, he speaks. “Where is your room?”

Why is he still carrying me?

“Um…” My lips part nervously. They still tingle from his kiss. “It is the last door down the hall, on the left. The one with the stickers on it.”

“Got it.”

Without hesitation, he strides down the corridor, still holding me as if I weigh nothing. My arms are looped around his neck, and my legs feel useless, too weak to even think about standing. He pushes my door open with one hand.

Moments later, I am set down on my bed.

I tilt my head, watching in disbelief as Jaxon shuts the door behind him.

I half-expected him to leave right away. Instead, those piercing blue eyes roam across my tiny, bare room.

There is not much to see. I am broke, and it shows.

I let him take it all in before I finally ask, voice small, “Why… why did you kiss me out there?”

His gaze cuts back to mine. One brow arches. “Are you not single?”

My skin feels hot, and I nervously push my hair off my shoulder. “That is not the point.”

He shrugs as if it is nothing. “I saw the perfect chance.”

Perfect chance?

What?

Did he just use me?

“What chance are you even talking about?” My shyness slips away, and anger takes its place. My voice is calm, but my pulse is hammering, and I can practically feel the irritation racing through me.

“I do not date,” Jaxon says casually, “but I think it would help me if you pretended to be my girlfriend, Lena. It would keep the gold diggers away. That would be nice.”

A sharp laugh escapes me. “Nice? You actually think girls would back off? No…they would try even harder. They would take one look at me and see zero competition.”

He chuckles, flashing me a grin that is pure arrogance. “True. They would look at you, notice you are as flat as a board, and then throw themselves at me anyway.”

My face burns with fury. That is cruel.

“Completely accurate, though, is it not?” he adds.

I drop my gaze, embarrassed. “You are such a jerk.”

“Jerk?” He smirks. “Maybe. But are you going to think about my offer? Because, looking around this room, it is clear you do not have much. My wallet, however, is very comfortable.”

Really? He is trying to buy me now?

“I could at least make sure you eat a real meal every day,” he adds.

As if on cue, my stomach growls. Jaxon bursts out laughing, the sound warm and unguarded, and butterflies twist in my belly. Why do I feel that? He is still a jerk.

“Why would you even need a fake girlfriend?” I ask.

“Mostly because of my parents,” Jaxon admits, scanning my bare walls without actually looking at me. “And also because a few girls at school might finally back off.”

So he does not want them flirting with him? Why? My gut tells me he is probably the type who gets what he wants, then leaves without looking back.

“I see…” I mutter.

“So,” he leans closer, “do we have a deal?”

“Well…” My hand drifts to the side of my neck while I weigh his words. “It would be nice to eat something better than instant noodles every day.”

“Yeah?”

“But I do not know…”

“Come on,” Jaxon presses. “It would be easy for you. It is not like kissing me or holding my hand is dangerous. You did not feel anything when it happened, right?”

My head snaps up. His eyes lock on mine, and I want to laugh it off, but the way he asks makes it sound like he actually wants to know if I felt something.

Which I did not. Not really.

He is good-looking, sure. That is the only reason my heart reacted. Not because there is real chemistry. I am not crazy enough to think that. Guys like him and girls like me do not mix. Jaxon and Lena are complete opposites, like snow and fire.

“Of course not!” I laugh, though it sounds forced even to my own ears. I pray he does not notice.

To my relief, Jaxon laughs too. “Yeah, I thought so. No sparks, no lightning, no urge to tear off your clothes… nothing. Just a plain, meaningless kiss.”

Oddly, I do not feel insulted. If anything, there is relief. Jaxon Blackwood would never actually want someone like me. At least now I can stop letting my imagination run wild.

“Yes,” I agree. “Completely meaningless.”

We smile, but the air between us grows tense anyway. My chest feels tight. I lick my lips, trying to steady my breathing. My heart races faster.

My gaze drifts over the strong line of his neck, down to his broad chest hidden under his hoodie. He is powerful. Solid.

Jaxon’s eyes dip to my lips, then lower briefly to my chest before returning to my face. He drags his tongue across his own mouth, and my stomach flips.

I clap my hands together. “You should probably go.”

That seems to snap him out of it. “Right,” he says, moving toward the door. But before he leaves, he glances back, a crooked smile playing on his lips. “Same time tomorrow? Do not stand me up.”

“I would not dream of it.”