#6 Ivy
1534 Words
The frigid air hit me once I stepped outside. I took in a lungful of air and let it out, not caring if anyone witnessed my odd behaviour.
Alex use of me had hurt more deeply than I expected. I didn't care that he loved another. From the beginning, I knew I was a challenge to him but over the months I honestly thought we had become friends. It seemed it was wishful thinking on my part and the friendship was only on my side. What other reason would there be for him to treat me the way he did.
Who would want you as a friend?
Sarah, my ex-stepmother’s voice popped in my head.
You're a fool that people use then throw away. Why would they want something more from a cold, selfish, and ugly person like you?
I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and gazed at the number of cars waiting to be driven away and not one of them was mine. What is taking them so long? The receptionist knew I was leaving, and she assured me my car would be here, yet it was mayhem outside.
I frowned as I noticed the number of people milling around, outside the venue. Some didn’t even have coats on and the pelting snow and rain bit into any exposed skin.
That's because you only think about yourself. You're an ugly selfish person!
I’m. Not. Selfish!
I do think about others it's just my mind has been preoccupied with other things.
Convince yourself with that excuse, if it makes you feel better.
I'm. Not. Selfish!
Then why haven’t you noticed the people around you?
I frowned, studying those around me. The women were shaking from the bitter cold but others had blood running down their face or arms.
Oh, my God! The window. How could I have forgotten about the glass?
Selfish.
Shut up!
Tears filled my eyes as deep down I realised she was right. Something I never thought I would do was agree with the woman who I loathed and wished her in the pits of hell. She had made my life a miserable hell for as long as I could remember. Tonia was a stuffed bear compared to her.
Why am I even thinking about her? I gazed back into the crowd. More people had come out and all of them wanted to leave. This led to the road being blocked and the emergency vehicles couldn't get close to the hotel.
The cold did not affect me, I didn't feel it, however others would notice. But I didn’t want to get back inside, last thing I needed was to bump into Alex.
And what about Ethan, my mind prompted, just in case I had forgotten him.
A hard thing to do when I could still feel his warm body pressed on mine. I had never gotten that close to anyone except for Nathaniel and he doesn't count. Even dad has never hugged me. It felt weird but nice at the same time.
Is that all you can think of?
Get out of my head!
The truth stings, doesn’t it? You’re very thoughtful, so much that you’ve forgotten all about Ethan.
I frowned. No, I hadn't.
No? He stood in front of you, trying to protect you from flying glass. A selfless act. What did you do? Scream at him then stalk off. I told you, your selfish. It’s all about you.
Stop it! I screamed in my head and shook it. As if this would get rid of the voice. A stupid thing to do. Nobody could get away from their own mind. Unfortunately, mine was my own personal prison with my own personal tormentor.
I marched back inside, searching for Ethan. I had to make sure he wasn’t injured. After all, he wouldn’t have been in that position if I hadn’t lost control. It was my fault. I never seemed do anything right when it came to other people. But that didn’t make me selfish. Did it?
I couldn't find him in the main entrance which meant I had no choice but to check the ballroom. Thank God it was less crowded and Merek and that snake, Crystal were nowhere in sight. I was about to leave when I noticed a young woman on her own trying to hide behind a pillar.
Kara.
Heading in her direction I kept scanning the room. Did they leave her here? I could imagine the jerk Alex doing it but not Ethan. But then again, they were brothers so it could be something they normally do.
When I was a few feet away, Kara spotted me. Her eyes grew round as if I was there to murder her.
I didn't bother with niceties; I was in no mood for it. "Where's Ethan?"
She stood there still gawking at me.
"He isn't hurt, is he?" I decided to ask instead of clicking my fingers in front of her face to snap her out of her daze.
"H-h-h-he's with M-M-Merek."
Great. No way was I going to look for him now. If I saw Alex, I couldn’t be accountable for what I might do to the Jerk.
"But he's okay?" I repeated. "He didn't get hurt, did he?"
She didn't reply but shook her head. I opened my mouth to fire more questions that had only yes or no for answers. Otherwise, we could be there forever if I waited for her to answer, when a female's voice interrupted us.
"Excuse me." The receptionist I had spoken to earlier stood a few feet away from us, looking out of place in her suit. "Your car is parked at the side of the hotel. We are sorry for any inconvenience." She parroted on. "Due to the emergency vehicle taking up the front of the hotel and for the safety for our guests and staff we have changed the pickup point." And with that, she turned and walked off.
A part of me was relieved I had an excuse to leave. The other cringed at that thought since it proved Sarah's point about me.
I'm. Not. Selfish.
"Could you please tell Ethan I am sorry for earlier. He’ll, know what I am talking about."
She nodded her head. The only reply I was going to get. I didn't blame her; it must be hard to have a visible disability and still have the confidence to talk to people.
And not only was I rude to her but thoughtless. It seemed what Sarah thought about me was true.
I clenched my teeth then put my shoulders back and apologized. "Forgive me for my rude behaviour."
That had her step back in surprise.
"It has been an... Eventful few hours. However, that is not excuse for the way I behaved."
Kara just stared at me opened mouth.
I waited a few more seconds and when I didn't get a reply I turned and strode to the door that led to the lobby. As I walked, I felt eyes watching me. I turned my head to the left and locked eyes with Ethan. His forehead was creased in a frown and mouth in a grim line. He looked angry. Was it at me? What had I done?
I didn't stop walking and he didn't move in my direction. Rather, he looked away from me.
At least I had one questions answered. It was me he was displeased with.
Gazing forward, I headed to my car.
My Journey home was quiet. Well, I think it was since I couldn't remember any of it. I’m only glad I didn't have an accident.
The last thing I wanted to do was talk so I snuck up to my room, got changed, and collapsed onto the bed. I didn’t know why I bothered; sleep felt like a distant dream while my mind analysed what happened that day. Alex’s betrayal made my blood boil but Ethan’s gaze puzzled me. Past and present events collided in one big mess. Staring at the white ceiling I realised I had no future when it came to relationships. The only person who truly loved me was Nathaniel and Tonia wanted to take him away from me.
Not that I would let her.
Selfish
I stuffed my head into the pillow and screamed. Why doesn’t she leave me alone?! It had been five years since I saw her last. Free for Five years from her poisonous tongue. Why was she still in my head?
Saving Nathaniel from Tonia was not selfish but a rescue. It would be negligent of me if I let her take Nathaniel. She only knew how to take care of herself. If she took Nathaniel with her, god only knew what she would do to him.
I growled into my pillow. Why was I arguing with myself?
Since I was getting no sleep anytime soon, I decided to do a little work. I plucked my mobile out the drawer and put the internet on. It pinged to let me know I had an incoming email. No messages from dad. I sighed, maybe he believed the rubbish Tonia had told him. Another mess I had to sort out.
I clicked open the email from Mary. Mary doesn’t email me after I leave work unless she had forgotten something or as in this case to let me know I had an appointment on Saturday with a private detective.
- Writer
