Blooming Against the Stream

Chapter Three

In the past, I never studied.

Because nobody studied, among the girls around me, except for Lillian, no one took reading seriously. Parents didn't urge their children to study either; in their view, school was just a free childcare place.

Now I realize that studying is very important, although I didn't recognize its importance before.

I've fallen behind too much in my studies, and self-studying is too difficult, so I asked Lillian if she could teach me.

"Of course, but I have other things after school, so I can't help you then," she said.

"How did you teach yourself Latin?"

She tugged at the corner of her mouth and smiled, saying, "Read some books, and you'll naturally get it."

"Do you have books about Latin at home?"

"Those are my father's books, very precious." She looked at me cautiously, as if afraid I would borrow them from her.

Although I'm curious about Latin, to be honest, I can't even pass regular language exams, so I shouldn't think about other things.

I threw myself into the great task of remedial study with unwavering determination. The process was extremely difficult. First, I had to face strange looks, like from my younger sister Bella, who noticed I studied day and night and asked if I'd gone crazy. Second, I had to overcome myself—after school, I used to play with dolls, and dolls are so much fun...

Finally, I also had to face Lillian's sarcasm. Although she agreed to teach me, during her free time she mostly fooled around with the boys. When I found her, she would exclaim in an exaggerated tone, "You're so diligent! I really admire you."

And when I didn't understand her explanations, she would say very loudly, "You still don't get it? I've explained it to you several times already, it's the same principle—you need to use your brain."

I know she's very smart, but not everyone is as smart as her. After a few times, I felt particularly stupid and became too embarrassed to ask questions.

Later, another incident happened. After that, I never asked her for help again, nor did I walk home with her.

It was a weekend afternoon when I accidentally saw Lillian walking on the street carrying a thick book.

I secretly followed her, wanting to give her a scare. But she crossed streets and alleys, walked a long way, and finally arrived at a very dilapidated building with a sign hanging on it—Milton Library.

She went in and came out empty-handed after a short while.

It looked very dark there, and I hesitated for a long time before gathering the courage to enter. Deep in the corridor, there was an open space filled with desks and chairs, surrounded by neat bookshelves. A strong, musty smell hit me—the moldy scent of yellowed pages, like damp earth after rain.

An old gentleman noticed me and asked, "Are you looking for someone?"

"No, sir."

"Then do you want to borrow a book?"

I didn't know what to say, just stood there dumbly.

"There are library cards here. Come fill out the information. What kind of book do you want to borrow?"

"I... I don't know..."

"Fill out the information first." He pulled a card from a copy of "Elementary Latin" and placed it in front of me. "Here, write it like this."

The name on that library card was Lillian Clouds.

I felt deceived. Lillian had been hiding this from me—how outrageous.

I got angry and decided to give her the cold shoulder.

But the problem was, when I ignored her, she ignored me too. Many boys were vying to be her friend, so she didn't need me at all.

And so, as the summer cicadas gradually faded away, my grades slowly improved from failing to passing, and by late autumn, some subjects had even reached a good level.

One day during math class, a nun came to the classroom.

"Annie, your sister isn't feeling well. Could you please take her home?"

In the school hallway, Bella was sitting alone, clutching her stomach, her face pale. The moment she saw me, her expression relaxed, like a little puppy seeing its owner, full of grievance.

"The milk Mom gave me this morning must have gone sour," she pouted.

"Then we're really lucky—the only milk at home went into your stomach."

It was noon, and the house was unusually stuffy. Bella was dizzy from the heat, constantly asking where Mom had gone.

"She must have gone out for something urgent," I said. "Are you hungry? I'll make you something to eat."

"Can you cook?" Bella said distrustfully. "You've never cooked before."

"What's so hard about it? Go to your room and rest for a while. I'll call you when it's ready."

The room was quiet. I crouched on the floor, peeling potatoes, while the pot bubbled and simmered. By the time I brought the overcooked potatoes to Bella's room, it was already past 1 PM.

Bella had fallen asleep, but she was restless, tossing and turning while clutching her stomach.

When I placed the food on the table, a sound came from the doorway. I thought it was Mother returning, but then I heard Uncle Neri's voice.

"Darling, I've missed you so much." His voice was mixed with urgent panting, making me very uneasy.

"You shouldn't have come today. Don't you know he might come home early?" Mother said.

"But I had to see you."

I grabbed the door and peered through the c***k. Two figures were embracing in the living room—Mother and Neri gazing tenderly into each other's eyes.

"What did you want to tell me?" Mother asked softly.

"Later. Let me kiss you first." The two kissed each other passionately.

I saw everything. They were deeply entangled, so close together, seemingly happy yet as if about to die.

Once, I saw two dogs stuck together at a busy intersection. Passersby laughed and cursed, and children threw stones at them. Now I understand—humans and dogs are the same.

It was disgusting. I felt nauseous, but when I turned around, I met a pair of terrified eyes.

Bella stood behind me, whimpering, her body trembling. I quickly grabbed her, pressed her to the floor, and covered her mouth to keep her from crying out. I didn't know what would happen, but I knew we couldn't be discovered by the two outside, or something terrible would occur.

The intermittent eerie sounds from the living room lasted for a very long time. The room was already stuffy, but now it seemed mixed with a nauseating smell, making it oppressive.

"What did you want to say, Neri?" Mother's voice was lazy and very delicate.

"We can't see each other anymore." The man suddenly said.

"What! Why?" Mother cried out in panic.

"Calm down, Elena! I haven't finished yet."

"I don't understand! You said you loved me, that even without marriage, we could possess each other's bodies and souls. And now you're telling me..."

"Elena, listen to me!"

"No! If we separate, it will kill me! Don't you love me anymore? Didn't you say you'd love me forever?" Mother began to cry sorrowfully.

"I have no choice. Tina and Stockard seem to have noticed something. Stockard even said some strange things to me."

"Stockard? You're afraid of him? That damn cripple! A brute who only hits women! If he hadn't bribed my brother back then, I would never have married him!"

"Then what do you expect me to do!"

"For you I can abandon everything, I'll divorce him immediately!"

"What about your children? William, Annie, and Bella - can you abandon them?"

"Bella, yes, Bella!" Mother suddenly remembered something, gasping as she shouted: "We can't separate, we still have Bella, she's our daughter."

"What!" Like a thunderclap from a clear sky, Neri's voice trembled: "What did you say! You never told me Bella is my daughter!"

Mother strained her voice saying: "Whose daughter could she be if not yours? She looks exactly like you, can't you see it yourself?"

"No--!! No--!!"

At this moment, I could no longer control Bella. She rolled on the ground, screaming miserably, as a terrified couple rushed in one after another.

"You, why are you home!" Mother's face flushed red, trembling all over as she spoke.

Neri hurriedly pulled on his pants, complaining: "Look at this mess!"

After a while, Mother calmed down. She looked at us quietly, even lit a cigarette. When it burned out, she extinguished the butt on the windowsill, quickly stood up and started packing. She stuffed her clothes and Bella's clothes all into the suitcase.

"What are you doing?" Neri asked.

"Can't you see? I'm leaving with you!"

"What! You're crazy!"

"You're the crazy one! Stay here and let Stockard beat me to death?"

"Don't panic, they're just children, they don't understand anything!"

"Even if they don't tell, I can't stand it anymore!"

I stared blankly at them until Mother picked up Bella, then I realized she was going to leave me.

"Mom, where are you going?" I rushed forward and grabbed her coat.

"Annie, be good and stay at home, I'll be back soon." She pushed my hand away and walked out.

I hurried after her, crying: "Don't go, Mom don't go, I swear I won't say anything, I won't say anything!"

But she pushed me hard, I fell to the ground, my forehead hitting the floor heavily.

She looked at me, hesitated for a moment, but then left without hesitation, never looking back.