The Vampire Obsession

Chapter 17

I shook my head.

"No, my mother and my father came from New Orleans. My father got an opportunity in Grimwood and that was how they arrived here, more than twenty years ago. It was also here that they had me." My eyes became unfocused when past details consumed my mind without my permission. "However, my mother had a severe depression that extended for years after my birth. My father found her in the bathtub with her wrists cut while I cried in the crib. And he, well... You already know how that ended." I dug my nails into my palms, stabilizing my hands, as well as my emotions and my tone of voice. I took a sip of the scalding coffee that Dr. Rayson offered me as soon as I entered through the door. "I do not have contact with my relatives, no one was left for me besides Alan and Nadia. But they are not my family, we do not share the same blood."

"I am sorry for all of that, I cannot imagine how arduous it must have been to go through two immense losses so significant in your life. You are a very strong woman, I hope you know that." He opened a consoling smile. "You do not need to share the same blood with someone to consider them your family, you only need to love them as if you did."

"You are right." I bit my lips and nodded, considering his words. "I did not expect them to miss me and welcome me, not after I distanced myself from everyone after my father’s death. I sold my family’s house, took all the money and moved to New Orleans, where I built a new life for myself. It seemed easier to deal with grief that way than to continue here."

"I imagine you graduated there," he said.

"Yes, it was where I completed my studies and worked."

"Why did you distance yourself from those you loved, Miss Cross?"

That question made me draw a long breath.

My eyes dropped to the coffee in my hands. It was easier to confess the following words to the cup than to another person.

"I did not know where to put all my anger at the world except in myself." A bitter smile bloomed on my lips, transforming my face into a painful grimace. "It was safer that way, that is how I thought. I did not want to unload all my pain on them. I always preferred to suffer alone."

If I endured everything alone, I would not be a burden, bothering others with my discomfort.

Like a wounded animal that moved away from its pack to die in complete solitude.

"In the lack of affection and love, you drowned in your revenge. Or should I say studies?" He arched a black eyebrow at me.

I did not appreciate the way my pulse accelerated at the sight.

He is your psychologist, not a guy you swipe right for on a dating app. I reminded myself. A psychologist who is exactly your type, but still, someone completely inaccessible.

Considering everything I knew about Dr. Rayson, which consisted of absolutely nothing, he could be married and even have children. However, there was no ring on his finger or picture of a wife or children on his desk.

Still, it was a possibility that could not be discarded.

It even made sense that my brain, repulsed by any minimal romantic interaction, would be attracted precisely to someone I could not have. It was a partially healthy defense mechanism. If I want someone I cannot have, that person will never get close enough to hurt me.

"At least all that earned me a degree and now I can be called Investigator Cross." I shrugged with false modesty.

He laughed. Until his eyes narrowed and seemed darker under the weak yellowish light of the office.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Depends."

"What made you decide to schedule an appointment today?"

Unconsciously, my back tensed on the couch. I tightened my fingers around my cup.

"I felt like talking to someone."

"Did something happen today?" he asked, apprehensive.

I hesitated for a moment, but ended up snorting to myself. What would be the advantage of lying to someone who was being paid to help me?

"I had a sleepwalking episode. And before you ask, I have had others before. It is not something abnormal for me. However, it had been a long time since they happened. And I have never had an episode like today’s."

"What happened?"

"I woke up outside the chalet." A hesitant pause. I hoped he would not force me to admit myself to a psychiatric hospital when he heard what I was about to say. "With a knife in my hand."

Dr. Rayson shifted in his seat, leaning forward.

"Do you take sleeping medication?"

I shook my head.

"That is very risky, Miss Cross. Sleepwalking episodes can be triggered by several factors. Such as sleep deprivation, alcohol, trauma, stress and anxiety. But I believe yours occurred because of the last options. You have been living under constant stress and anxiety since you returned to Grimwood and inserted yourself in the investigation of the Ripper," he explained in a low and soft tone. "Has work been taking your mind before going to bed?"

"Yes," I admitted, against my will. "The Ripper has been quiet, probably scheming a new murder. I have been thinking a lot about what his next step will be. Especially about how I will manage to be two steps ahead."

"Because this is not only work for you, it is personal. It is about your revenge and value as a professional. Tell me honestly," Dr. Rayson began, suddenly staring at me severely. "Would you abandon the case if things became too heavy for you?"

"No." I tilted my chin forward, with conviction. "Would you force me to abandon it?"

"I am not that type of psychologist," he said, simply. Then he smiled at me. He never showed his teeth when smiling. But he did not need to, it was glorious anyway. "I believe you have what it takes to capture him, and I am here to ensure that your mind is strong enough for that."

I brought the cup of coffee to my lips to hide the smile that came to them.

I would definitely schedule another appointment.