My Missing Girl

38. Lovesick

Happiness is fun, but not everyone will feel happy when they see others look happy. Because happiness will be evenly distributed if everyone feels the love that is reciprocated from his loved ones.

At least that's how James Arsen, the one who suffocated Hannah with selfless sincerity — didn't expect that love back. But that was because now James wants to get genuine affection from Hannah, not just affection but also her heart.

James mistakenly thought he loved Hannah as his younger sister, but James mistook it because his affection for Hannah was more than that. He had only realized for some time now, how much he cared about the girl, willing to do anything for Hannah's sake. James thought it was just a doctor to the patient, and his brother's affection for his sister but it wasn't real, James emphasized it one more time, if James loved Hannah. The love was so great that there was a feeling he wanted to have the girl.

At first, James was ready to keep that taste until Hannah was a little good. Because James didn't want to make Hannah think and make the girl feeling for the umpteenth time.

But unfortunately, his good intentions were slipped by Alex, his own best friend. James realized that his friend had his heart set on Hannah. But James didn't think Alex would dare to express his affection for Hannah. And what surprised and shocked James was that Hannah also liked Alex as a man.

His name of regret must have come when at the end, at the other moment first in front ─ in the place where it should have been 'I was there.' There's no regret if you're not too late to realize. Respecting and maintaining the feelings of others is indeed another human task. But if oneself sacrifices feelings for that person — the person he loves. Unrequited, then what happens is that the person (the one who does not express true feelings) will blame the situation, such as...

"Why didn't I realize this in the first place?"

"Why is this feel growing bigger?"

"God! Why should I be affected? Shouldn't Hannah be more comfortable with me? Instead of Alex? He's just a pseudo-shadow that just arrived in Hannah's life?"

"If I knew it would be like this I wouldn't have told Alex about Hannah."

The regretful sentence that James delivered, a speech that should not have to be conveyed for any reason. Because from the beginning the man already knew the risks that would occur, but when the risk that occurred was more than what he thought he would swear at the current situation. It was as if he was the victim of the adversity he had gained on his own. But the circumstances he swore in, didn't that mean blaming God rather than him reflecting on asking himself, like "What's less than me? So Hannah's not comfortable with me like she's Alex."

Or it could be just surrendering to the circumstances, "because it's my choice so I have to accept because God always gives my best."

Indeed, surrender is difficult especially when the man himself has held on to his morals if he will be able to do everything. Everything... Is a plan that has been arranged systematically and practically so that when in practice it will run smoothly as desired. But man forgets, as big and good as any arrangement of your plan, God's scenario is more beautiful and absolute for mankind.

James knew that, but his disbelief was greater. He regretted why Hannah preferred Alex to him. That's what James didn't think.

But James didn't realize his regret was coming from himself, because from the beginning he was dishonest with Hannah. If he had been honest from the beginning, maybe God would have been kind to him. If she had been honest, Hannah would have hugged him, if James had been honest at the time Hannah would have kissed her lips instead of Alex's.

Yeah... James saw everything happening in Hannah's room. The girl looks friendly with Alex even the girl plays her fingers on Alex's chest. Does James feel pain? Of course the answer... James' heart was hurt and it hurt. His heartfelt pierced by thousands of knives, instantly he realized that the feeling he had felt for Hannah was Love.

Therefore, James has since talked a lot about the pain of regret. Regret... Because it's too late to express his feelings of love.

***

James entered Hannah's room. He pretended he was okay. Hannah, who had played her fingers on Alex's chest, didn't realize it when the doctor arrived. The two lovebirds (Hannah and Alex) only realize when James voices a little voice that is "Ehem..." The man cleared his throat.

"James?" said Hannah, who was a little surprised to suddenly become dazed because she didn't know and didn't realize that James was coming to see her. As a result, Hannah's speech was the dumbest speech she had ever said. "What are you doing here, James?" isn't that a stupid question, because Hannah knows that James is the doctor who treated her, so it's certain that James came to visit her because it was time for a checkup. But her name is Hannah is panicking and her mind is suddenly impulsive as a result of which comes to her mind is the sentence that Hannah said earlier because Hannah thought James wanted to make sure her condition was good - fine or not as close friend, not as a doctor. Or it could be that James visited him for two reasons visiting as a friend as well as making a check-up visit as a doctor.

I don't know, what matters now is that Hannah feels like a fruit thief in the garden caught by the owner of the garden.

"Do you realize that saying is funny?" James said in a slightly discordant voice.

"Ehmm," Hannah simply muttered and lowered her head. James let Hannah with his behavior. James approached Hannah's bed, he grabbed Hannah's hand to check the girl's infusion hose, James made sure that the infusion fluid was still running properly. James also injected the drug through his infusion hose.

Alex realizes this situation is arriving comfortable and conducive to take the initiative to get out of bed with Hannah. Because he realized what he was doing was unethical for him who wasn't a patient like Hannah.

Hannah who is aware of Alex's movements quickly holds Alex's hand, hinting to Alex if she shouldn't leave. "I have to get down Hannah," Alex told Hannah as the girl held him back to leave.

Hannah didn't answer with a speech, but the girl conveyed her sadness through the look in her eyes. The look sounded "don't leave me."

Alex smiled deeply, he also voiced in his heart "it's funny, this girlfriend of mine." Alex held back his laughter from being caught by James. Though Alex didn't go far he just got off the mattress not to go far away from Hannah.

Alex calmed Hannah down, he stroked Hannah's head, then made his point in a soft voice, "I'm not going Hannah, I'm just getting down from here, okay?" Alex said it was full of Hannah's attention.

"Alex... Me," Hannah still asked for pity.

James who has since held back his tightness is fed up, but his pride refuses to emotionally see the behavior of the two humans in front of him. James remains busy with his duties — caring for and ascertaining Hannah's condition, checking Hannah's condition with how many doctors he carries.

Tired of Hannah and Alex's super dramatic attitude, James finally scattered them both with, "Alex you can stay there, no need to leave. It's over, I'm almost done too." James said, although his words seemed to be scattered what happened was that the man was mocking Alex. James realizes he's doing it out of jealousy, but James's sending is considered approval to Hannah, "Right, James just allowed it, Al. So it's okay for you to stay."

Alex was increasingly uncomfortable, as James' gaze was so intimidating. But because Hannah had asked him to do it like that, Alex gave up and did what Hannah wanted. "Alright, I'll stay here."

"Yeah..." Hannah exclaimed happily, then held Alex's shoulders very tightly because she was so happy. James saw the interaction between Hannah and Alex so sweet it made his heart hurt. And finally... James chooses to finish his duties today, though he deliberately survives a little longer to see Hannah, Alex's existence breaks all his plans.

Finished with his task, James tidies up some of the tools he brought with him immediately so he can leave Hannah's room.

"Hannah I'm done with everything," Hannah turned her gaze towards James which she originally did — looking, at Alex.

Hannah echoed with a bright smile, "Thank you, James, thank you for taking good care of me." Hannah's gaze was full of love, a gaze James had never seen before. Even Hannah never looked at Adam like that, but Hannah had such a beautiful look when she was with Alex. Is Alex very valuable to Hannah?

Unable to last much longer James decided to go from there, "I'm done and I'll go, later if the infusion fluid runs out, please press the emergency button for paramedics to come change."

Hannah nodded, and smiled once again Hannah said her thanks, "Thank you, James."

James left from there after saying goodbye, he closed the door of his room before James closed the door properly, he peered slightly into the room, and all he saw was Hannah kissing Alex's lips affectionately.

And at that time there was also a hot feel but not embers.