My Last Year

Shattered Feelings

The door clicked shut behind Jake, and the silence he left behind was heavier than his words.

For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. My chest rose and fell like I had run a marathon, even though I was only sitting on the edge of the bed with my back pressed against the headboard. My world felt like it was caving in, crushing me under emotions I didn’t understand.

Bernice was the first to speak.

“WTF, Lily?” Her eyes were wide, her voice sharp but tinged with disbelief. “Since when did a whole Jake Bennett care? I mean, Jake Bennett, standing in here, saying things like that?” She looked at me as though she had just witnessed a forbidden love story in the middle of a horror movie.

I opened my mouth, but my throat felt dry, too dry to force out even a syllable. My gaze flickered toward Conrad. He stood frozen, motionless, emotionless. His posture was steady, but I could see the tension radiating from him. I couldn’t read his expression, and that made me ache in a way I couldn’t explain.

“Conrad…” I finally whispered.

He looked at me, and for a second, I braced myself for the storm I thought was coming. Anger. Accusations. A scolding I probably deserved.

Instead, his voice was soft. “Lily, how are you feeling now?”

I blinked, stunned. This was not the Conrad I expected to see, the boy I had once kissed under the stars, the boy who had always been more composed than anyone else. He wasn’t furious. He wasn’t even cold. He was… caring.

“I’m fine,” I whispered, though my voice trembled. “I thought you would…” I trailed off, unsure how to finish. What did I expect, that he’d shout? That he’d throw Jake’s name in my face?

“You thought I would what?” he asked quietly, tilting his head, studying me.

My silence only widened the gap between us.

“Anyway,” his voice sharpened slightly, “what was that brat here for?”

“He came to say… thank you,” I said softly, trying to sound casual but failing miserably.

Bernice gasped dramatically. “Wait, are you blushing?”

I froze. Conrad’s gaze snapped back to me, filled with something I couldn’t decode hurt? disbelief? disappointment?

Before I could respond, Conrad straightened. His jaw tightened. “I’ll be outside. I need to get a few things for you,” he said, his voice clipped. Without another word, he turned and walked out, shutting the door firmly behind him.

The silence returned, thick and suffocating.

Bernice pounced. “Why were you blushing?”

I groaned, frustration bubbling inside me. “Why would you say something like that when Conrad was right here?”

“I’m sorry!” she held up her hands defensively. “I didn’t mean it that way. I was just… shocked.”

I sighed, guilt instantly replacing my irritation. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just… I don’t know what Conrad feels about me anymore. When he saw Jake, I swear I felt his anger. Or maybe it was disappointment. I can’t figure it out.”

Bernice bit her lip, her curiosity plain on her face. “So what exactly did Jake Bennett come here to do?”

My cheeks burned. I pressed my palms against them, wishing I could disappear. “I blurted out the words… ‘I like you.’”

Bernice’s jaw dropped. “You what?! Lily, I thought you hated him! You’ve spent years rolling your eyes at him!”

“I thought I did too.” My voice cracked. “I thought I’d moved past everything he ever made me feel. But now… it’s all back. Stronger. And it’s killing me.”

“So… you like him?” she asked slowly, searching my face.

I swallowed hard, shame clinging to my words. “I think I do.”

The next moment shattered everything.

We both turned as something thudded to the ground. A bag. Right at the door.

Standing there was Conrad Fisher, the boy who had given me nothing but steady loyalty and quiet, patient love. His knuckles were white around the strap he had dropped. His face was pale, but his eyes burned.

“Conrad?” I whispered, horrified. He had heard. He had heard everything.

“You love Jake?” His voice cracked, anger and hurt mixing into something that twisted my heart. “You told me he meant nothing to you.”

I stumbled to my feet, panic flooding me. “I thought it was just a stupid crush from middle school! I never thought it would still be here, I never wanted it to be like this"

His bitter laugh sliced through the air. “You told me you hated me, Lily. But now I see love in your eyes for him. Why? Why did he stand by you just now like the world would end without you? Why did I see tears in his eyes?” His voice broke. “And why did I see the same thing in yours?”

His words struck me like thunder, each syllable splitting me open. My breath stuttered, my throat tightening as tears burned behind my eyes.

I glanced at Bernice, silently begging her to step in, to save me. But she sat still, her lips pressed together. Her silence was deafening. She wanted me to fight this battle alone, and she was right I had to.

I forced myself to speak, even though every word scraped against my throat. “It’s not what you think.”

“Not what I think?” His laugh was hollow, bitter. “Do you expect me to believe that? After the way he touched you, looked at you, kissed your forehead? I’m not dumb, Lily.” His hands curled into fists at his sides. “I’ve been here all along protecting you, caring for you, waiting for you. And now, suddenly, he gets to be the hero after everything?”

The tears I’d been holding back spilled over. “Conrad, please. You don’t understand.”

“I perfectly understand,” he said, his voice cracking. “You see something in him that you don’t see in me. And it’s killing me, Lily. It’s killing me.”

The room spun. My heart splintered, and I felt like the walls were closing in.

Bernice finally cleared her throat, breaking the suffocating silence. “Conrad… maybe you should give her some time. Let her figure out her feelings.”

His head snapped toward her, his glare sharp enough to cut glass. “Stay out of this.”

But Bernice didn’t flinch. “She’s not a child, Conrad. Protecting her doesn’t mean you own her. It doesn’t mean you get to control her feelings. She has the right to choose. And maybe, just maybe, you have to accept that.”

His chest rose and fell heavily. He turned back to me, and in his eyes was a storm I had never seen before hurt, betrayal, longing, and something dangerously close to love. For a moment, I thought he would say more, fight harder, plead with me.

But he didn’t.

Instead, he gave me one last lingering look the kind of look that burned itself into my soul, the kind that would haunt me long after he left. Then, without another word, he turned, grabbed his bag, and slammed the door behind him.

The echo reverberated through the room, through my chest, through every fragile piece of me.

I collapsed back onto the bed, trembling. Bernice hurried to my side, her presence steady and grounding. I leaned into her, my body shaking as sobs ripped free from my chest.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” I whispered brokenly into her shoulder. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want to hurt him.”

But even as the words left my mouth, a darker, more painful truth whispered in the back of my mind. Some part of me did mean it. Some part of me wanted Jake to hear those words. Some part of me wanted to know what he truly felt.

And now, I had broken Conrad to find out.

The silence stretched as Bernice rubbed slow circles on my back. Eventually, she stood. “I’ll give you space,” she murmured, her eyes soft but guarded. Then she slipped out, leaving me alone with the storm in my chest.

I lay back against the pillows, my thoughts crashing in waves I couldn’t control. I didn’t know who I was anymore or who I wanted.

My phone buzzed suddenly, lighting up the dark room.

I stared at the screen, my heart hammering.

Jake.