The Mate He Couldn’t Control (complete)

Chapter 9

By 5 am, I learned that my grandmother was the original witch and was thousands of years old by the time she met my grandfather. He didn’t like her at first either, but she ended up giving up her eternal life by tying her life to his. How poetic. I guess she wrote these later on in life, so I wouldn’t call them diaries, more like stories. I like how she gave a quick summary of her life, in the beginning, to let me know that it did get better. Good for her. I am not her.

I opened her grimoire and a rush of wind ran past me sending chills. The first things in the book were a big adjustment. The book started with killing curses and torture spells (he is so lucky I’m just now reading this) and ended with healing and reviving spells. You could definitely see her character development.

I decided after reading some of it that I would try some of them on my own. I left my house and went to the dark, foggy forest. I found a quiet little clearing in the woods when I was running so I headed in that direction.

Once I was there, I flipped through the pages to find something that would keep people away until I was ready to leave. I stopped and used one of my hands to guide me. Cavelnimicum. You couldn’t see it, but I could feel the shield around the area. I sat down on the soft grass and scrolled through to see some minor things for me to try before sunrise in an hour.

I found one that sounded interesting so I looked for something to practice on. I found a small leaf that had fallen on the ground and opened my palm to face its direction. Baubillious. Lightning shot from my palm and I smiled at my success. I moved on to refilling my water bottle with water and blowing up the leaf I shot lightning at.

According to the diary, I would be able to do all of this on command with my mind at some point but I had to grow stronger for that. I looked down at my necklace and decided that it would be better off invisible for now. The bra situation is just inconvenient. I took one last look at it. Evanesce.

Just like that, I could no longer see it, but I could still feel it and its heat. I decided the books needed protecting so I did a couple of things to them. Geminio. They duplicated and I made their pages unreadable. I buried the duplicates under a tree within the shield and grew a flower bush over it.

Julia mind linked me, so I decided to take down the shield and head to my house. I jumped onto my balcony and made the two books invisible before hiding them in my closet. I changed my clothes to go pick up my things and have a talk with Julia. I knew what this was about, but I’m not going to push away someone that cares. Honestly, I have a much more open mind now. I see things clearly. I see things fairly. I get it.

I walked to the packhouse and went up to Julia’s room. She answered cautiously but then smiled sadly when she saw me. She hugged me and then motioned for me to come in. “How are you? Jaylon is just awful!”

“Well, now that I’m calm and open-minded, I don’t think he is,” I replied, flipping through my thoughts to make sure I was telling the truth, for the moment at least. I may see things clearly and understand, but now and then, for a split second, I want to hurt him.

“I know you're in shock, but it is okay to be upset, Ali.”

“I know and trust me I was, but you of all people should understand. Jaylon was in love with her, for what I assume was years. They both had their hearts set on each other, but then I showed up and now he’s stuck with someone he can’t stand and doesn’t understand why it had to be this way. I mean, I guess I would feel the same way too, and I know that’s how you feel every time you see Dalton,” I explained. She thought about what I said and sadly agreed with me.

“I guess you are right, but you know it isn’t just about them. You are in this too. This affects you too. You're stuck with someone who wishes you were someone else and I guess now I see things from Angelina’s point of view,” she replied with tears in her eyes. It was my turn to comfort her. It turned into a big pity party for us both as we talked, but I never shed a single tear, nor did I feel one.

“Why don’t we get our minds off of our heartbreaks,” I offered.

“How?”

“We could have a girl's night or something. Tomorrow night though. Is that okay with you? I would say tonight, but I need to sanitize my room,” I explained as she gave me a confused look and then an ‘oh’ expression. “No, that didn’t happen. I’m saying it still smells like him. The sheets. The pillows. Honestly, I just want to burn the whole room, but that’s not an option, now is it?”

She smiled to herself and then nodded to take me up on the offer. I hugged her one last time and left her to her thoughts as I walked up to a sleeping Nick’s room. I grabbed my jewelry, phone, and heels and just as I reached the door I heard him shoot up on high alert.

I walked into view and he dropped back on the bed tiredly. “I’m sorry, I tried to be as quiet as possible,” I said, sitting on his bed beside him.

“Are you okay?” he asked in a tired voice.

“I’m perfect actually.” I gave him a soft smile and moved some hair off of his face.

“Do you want to stay for a little while?”

“No, I have some things to do, but would you like to do something tomorrow?”

“Anything for you,” he smiled and turned over on his bed. I took it as the end of the conversation and left his room, closing the door gently behind me. I heard two people talking in one of the kitchens as I walked down the hallway toward the stairs. It was Dalton and Jaylon who really didn’t agree with each other. I honestly didn’t care to hear it once I realized who it was so I zoned out and hummed under my breath on the way down the stairs. All I need is my car and then I can leave.

When I reached the last step in front of the grand door, Dalton came into view beside me. “What’s got you in such a good mood this early in the morning?” He asked, with a very faint voice.

“Nothing, what are you up to?” I beamed at him as I made my way to the underground garage.

“I guess nothing in particular.” I was stopped when he asked me another question. I felt eyes on me when I turned around to look at him. “Ali, why do you smell like Nick?”

I looked at him confused and then I answered, “Oh because I came to get my things from his room.”

“Ali, you shouldn’t just do things like that because you're upset,” he started once he looked down at my clothes and shoes.

“Do what? I decided to run around last night and I didn't wanna ruin my shoes or jewelry, so I took off my stuff,” I said, causing his worried look to go away slightly and his features softened.

“Well, I do worry about you,” he replied, glancing over to the other side of the room, to whom I knew stood listening. Jackass. I could feel the rage in me light for a second. I just needed one thing. No matter what, he had no reason to publicly embarrass me. Because of that, we have a problem.

“Oh, and one thing!” I mumbled, stepping a few feet to my right so that I could see Jaylon in the other room. I looked through the pile of jewelry in my hand and once I found it, I threw the locket as hard as I could at him, hitting him right above the eyebrow. There. We’re even. He let out a growl as he winced in pain and placed two fingers over the wound, which made me smirk. “You boys have a nice day!” I beamed again, hugging Dalton, who was biting back a smile, and left.

I mentally ranted my entire way home about how Jaylon was having a s*x party with Loren all night but dared to have my cousin tell me not to do the same. I wanted to hurt him again before I calmed myself down. I’m not the only one going through it right now. I got even for the parts he could control, the rest is fair game. Just as I had convinced myself that I was not the victim, I walked up the stairs from the garage and saw my parents giving me empathetic looks. We’re about to repeat this all over again.

I sat at the barstool on the island across from my parents. Who sat in silence with me for a minute. “Did you have a long night?” my dad asked.

“I wouldn’t say long, it felt very short.”

“Honey, I am so sorry, I have no idea what I can say or do to help you through this,” my mom started and I rolled my eyes.

“I’m happy I can finally talk to you about this, but I just got done explaining to Julia that I am perfectly fine. But what I didn’t tell Julia is that it was my fault,” I replied, earning myself confused looks.

“What do you mean it’s your fault?”

“Okay, well for starters, let's say it's not my fault. Then I’m not the one that needs to be comforted. I mean, yeah my situation sucks, but those two spent years in love and planning their lives together. But then I came, and now they don’t understand why. But let’s see the other point of view, where it is my fault. You two left the pack 20 years ago, not long after my grandparents died. I have powers and now that I am grown I look like my grandmother's clone. Let’s say the moon goddess made Jaylon and his mate, and right before his mate was sent, grandmother reincarnated herself and I intercepted to regain grandmother's throne,” I explained, leaving them completely speechless. I’m sure they’re debating about putting me in a supernatural psych ward.

My parents looked at each other as if negotiating which one had to speak first. “Honey, I think if your grandmother wanted to stay in power, she wouldn’t have let herself die, she probably would have bound your grandfather's life to hers, not the other way around,” my dad lost the settlement.

“Possibly, but it doesn’t explain why I look like her or have her powers.”

“Well, your grandmother was a white witch, she could do any spell, curse, hex, you name it, she had no boundaries and she was the only one of her kind. A witch’s appearance tells what kind they are, and you are a white witch, as you can see. Your genetics just did the rest and you were the lucky recipient of her powers. Either she or the moon goddess thought you would find the most use for them,” my dad explained.

“Think of things this way. Two werewolves forgot their vows not to fall in love with anyone, set their own hearts up to be broken, and the people they were meant to be with as a consequence suffer,” my mom added, trying to help me forgive myself.

“You can’t help who you fall in love with. The heart wants what it wants.”

“Well, do you need any of your aunt's tea for your pains?” she asked and I looked at her confused.

“No, why would I need that? You know I have been fine since my transformation.”

“You mean you haven’t felt anything?” my dad asked curiously.

“No, am I supposed to be in pain?”

“Well, unfortunately, yes. For some reason, when your mate is unfaithful to you, it weakens you over time, and every time they are physical with someone else it causes severe pains. It makes no sense why you should be punished for their infidelity, but of course, that’s how it is. But you are saying you felt absolutely nothing, not even nauseousness or pinches?”

“That is terrible first of all, but second, nothing. I’m actually kind of relieved in a way. Now I can focus on adjusting and meeting new friends, and, of course, spend as much time with my sleeping babies upstairs before they leave in a few weeks.”

They were yet again speechless. “Well, maybe it’s the witch in her, she doesn’t necessarily need a mate I guess,” was all my dad got out.

I smiled at them warmly. “I’m fine, it was fun and cute for the few days that it lasted, but I guess that life wasn’t cut out for me,” I replied as the conversation headed for its end.

After breakfast, my nephews and I went to a*****e outside of town so that I could look at new comforters and some other things to change my room. I need it to be different, in any way possible. Every time I walk in there I want to feel something. I can’t do that. At least not until after my nephews go home.

On the way home, I looked back to check on my nephews who were now sleeping from the long drive. I slowed down to a complete stop as a stubborn brown wolf sat in the middle of the road. I looked into its eyes to see that it was Dalton. I got out and opened my mind-link. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I was just thinking,” he answered, adjusting to the side of the road, gesturing for me to go.

“Enlighten me.”

“Ever since I found out my mate wasn’t Julia, I have been trying so hard to come to terms with it and to help her do the same, but she never budged. But today, she was different. She said you opened her mind and that she realized she needed to set us both free. I’m happy for her, but now it’s like grieving a loss,” he surprisingly opened to me. “What did you say to her?”

“Well, she asked me if I was okay because, you know, the whole house heard Jaylon tell me to get over it last night, so I was explaining to her how calm I am about it. I told her that everyone involved is in pain, but we have to recognize our part and step back. You know Dalton, we can’t help what the moon goddess chose, but we can choose how to handle it and be an example for others.”

“How can you say that? So calm. . . like it means nothing to you. I know you're in pain, physically and emotionally,” he argued.

“But I’m not. I don’t feel anything, Dalton, and I’m not going to torture myself with it. If he wants his life with her, that’s a fight between them and her soon-to-be mate. I’m fortunate enough to have a family that loves me, guides me along the way, and keeps me occupied in the meantime. So now, go love on your mate, I have to go decorate my room,” I replied, hugging his wolf form awkwardly and getting in the car.

He nodded to me and ran in the direction of the packhouse as I sped off down the road towards my house. I backed the car into the garage and woke up my nephews. They walked tiredly into the house as I got the bags out of the back seat and headed into the house.

I didn’t even bother with lunch. I immediately ripped the sheets off the bed and threw them in the fire pit outside. Yes, it was overly dramatic, but there was no way in hell that those sheets would ever see the light of day again. Jaylon cuddled me in those. He kissed me. He did many things to me in those sheets. I don’t f*****g want them. I don’t want my family sleeping in them either, so in the pit they go.

I watched them burn with a smile on my face and came back inside as my parents watched with wide eyes. My nephews decided to tag along and help me put on new sheets and vacuum, but then I wouldn’t let them do anything else, so they watched from my bed. I wouldn’t change much of anything since my mother decorated this room, so I figured strip lights, new pillows, and a new comforter was a perfectly fine change. I’m not a strip light girl, but anything will help make this room look different than it did when he was here.

I scrubbed the shower as hard as I could, wiped down every surface he touched, mopped and cleaned every floor, and lit candles. Everyone in my family hates candles but they were going to love them today because now my room is going to smell the exact opposite of Jaylon. Jaylon and I don’t need each other. He’s just going to reject me, so I’m preparing for that.

My parents spent the last five minutes watching me sage my room from the doorway. They had the same facial expression all day but I ignored them while I cleansed negative spirits. I have never in my life saged, but today was going to be the start. All of that negativity and hate needed to be cleansed because it isn’t me. I’m fine. I don’t need anyone and the fact that I was so hung up on him is just embarrassing. It makes me look weak and easy and the fact that I was going to let him mate with me disturbs me the most.

“Honey? Aren’t you going to come to eat?” My mother asked cautiously.

“No, I need to check on some accounts,” I mumbled, debating with myself if I liked my pillow arrangement now.

“You didn’t eat lunch. You barely ate breakfast and you didn’t sleep at all last night! You aren’t checking anything except your food downstairs!” My mother demanded, causing me to roll my eyes and mumble okay. “Now!” So bossy.

I picked at my dinner not even being that hungry. I’m not sure what I’m running on at the moment without food or sleep, but I’m running, as fast as I can. My parents tried talking to me about my siblings and some investments, but I couldn’t tell you anything specific that they said. Not even my nephews. Every piece of my heart goes to them and they’ve spent most of the day with me, but all I remember is trying to clean my room.

After I took a shower, I did what I had been dreading all day. I looked in the mirror. I looked into my eyes, which were now filled with pain and my face looked tired. Everything below will heal, but right now they’re memories. They’re memories of something that was never real, I just wanted it to be. The second my eyes saw the marks, my hand flew to my mouth to mask the sobs that began to escape it. Even though our relationship wasn’t real, my emotions were, and my heart was. I spent so much time protecting my heart from the moment and now that it is here, it’s beginning to crack open. The whole time he was calling me beautiful and saying that I was perfect for him, he was thinking about her and how much he couldn’t stand me. I get that his wolf was the only reason he gave me the time of day, but why couldn’t he just reject me on the spot? Why not prepare himself before my birthday, since he knew before?

I picked myself up off the floor and crawled into my bed, letting my heart leak out through my eyes. Tomorrow will be easier. And every day after that will be, too. The only way to heal myself is forgiveness, so tonight I will let it all out and view it through my eyes. Tomorrow, I will forgive and view it through theirs.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next morning, I was woken up by Nick, crawling into bed with me as the sun and summer breeze came through the balcony doors. I don’t remember going to sleep with all of the covers on me, but at the same time, I also don’t remember falling asleep.

“Are we sleeping all day?” Nick asked from beside me.

“It doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

“It doesn’t sound like you either.”

“Nick, don’t you dare lecture me,” I complained, rolling onto my stomach and looking away from him.

“I’m not, I'm just worried.”

“I don’t know why, I feel f*****g amazing!” I lied with a fake enthusiastic tone even though my cheek was pressed against the pillow and it all sounded like nonsense.

“Good, because we’re going out.”

“Where? To the pack house? No thanks.”

“Why would I take you there? We’re going to take your nephews out.”

A smile crept to my lips until my face dropped in confusion. “Nicky, did you buy me flowers?”

“Well I was going to, but your parents said you have already received some,” he sighed out behind me. If he didn’t get me flowers, then who did?

I quickly got up and walked over to the large bouquet of red roses and sunflowers. My favorite. There was no card, but I knew exactly who they were from. Jaylon’s locket acted as a bouquet wrap. I guess this was an apology for embarrassing me. I’m thankful that he said sorry, but I’m not wearing that necklace. I removed it from the flowers and hid it inside my island in the closet. It’s not my place to wear it, but obviously, he wants me to have it. If I want to move on, looking at it won’t help me.

“It’s odd,” Nick mumbled as I walked back into view.

“What is?”

“Jaylon has never been a gift-giver.”